To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

Perhaps that is because I didn't put them to bed at six o'clock.

Missing the point entirely.

I have a friend like this, she said she likes her evenings free. For me I won’t be having bedtime battles. I like the European way of living, kids stay with you and go to bed when tired (within reason!). I’m not a very routiney person anyway and I don’t go to sleep at the same time everyday so I don’t see why my kids should have to.

And yes nice to have evenings free but she goes to bed at about 9.30 as her kids are up at 5!

There's no arguing with people on this, they are convinced all the good things that happened while they are parenting are entirely down to their efforts and that everyone else is a fool and if only they were as good/clever as them. I don't blame them really, everyone likes to give themselves chufties about how good they are - whether it's true or not. If they admit it could be luck, then it might mean they have to admit they aren't the bestiest and that could really shatter a fragile ego.

Missing the point entirely.

I'm not the one missing the point!

I'd an early riser 5:30/6am regardless of bedtime( he sleeps in til 7/730am now)and another DC (ASD)who didn't fall asleep before 2am at all and is up at 6am and as a teen now sleeps in only at weekends.
Then youngest DC who rarely napped as a baby and is a frequent nighttime waker.
Bedtime in mine starts from 7pm - 8pm ( when DC were under 5 : 6:30pm -7 was bedtime) all year round regardless of school/mid term etc it suits my routine because I need few hours to unwind.
We do still attend parties and they'll have late nights if we're away but they are still up usual time if im lucky is a 7am lie in.
DH is up for work 5:30am most days too.
I'm looking forward to an empty nest

Both are not great bed times. After 8.30 it’s supposed to be linked to obesity I believe. I would say anytime between 6.39-8.30 are better.

Depends on the kids. My youngest will sleep roughly 11 hours, no matter when you put her down, so life can be flexible. At her age, my eldest woke at 5 am no matter what we did or when we put him to bed - naps weren't an issue either way - so if I didn't get him down by 6.30, he would be exhausted.

If she has three kids close in age, and one is an early riser, then she's going to have to work with that schedule or she'd never sleep at all herself. And she may simply not believe your kids sleep in the pattern they do, just as you are sceptical that some people have to have the pattern hers do.

I've had one of each, with a large age gap. The problem with judging alternative parenting is that you're assuming all kids are like your own. They aren't.

Each of you does what works best for you and your kids. Waste of energy worrying about the alternative method.

Having said that, there's a lot of evidence that children are no longer getting enough sleep, partly because working lifestyles with long commutes etc make it harder than it was in the bad old days when all women were forced into the SAHM role whether it suited them or not. It's hard to get that balance. But I agree that if your kids do get plenty of sleep, seeing people criticise like that is annoying. I'd try to avoid retaliatory criticism, though. I mean, you're well rested and she isn't. That's surely giving you enough of the win to grin and rise above it.

Tbh you both sound judgy and a bit of a nightmare ; -). I don't want to get up at Crack of dawn nor have to entertain my kids all evening... our children go to bed at 730 and get up at 7am. Means I am neither up at 5 am but I do get 2 hours of wine and TV per day!

Missing the point entirely.

I'm not the one missing the point!

Afraid you are. Some kids wake up at 5 am even if they go to bed at 11 pm. They have a body clock that just goes, WAKEY WAKEY! and that's that. Hence the popularity of Gro Clocks.

If you have one of those kids, you are very likely to have tried every bedtime and nap combination known to man, because getting up at 5 am every single morning is not pleasant.

Suggesting that there is this novel new concept known as putting the child to bed later is rather like a man offering advice on managing your period.

See, the LATER I put my eldest to bed, the EARLIER he would wake! I might keep him up sometimes for a party, but I KNEW I'd pay the next couple of days as he recovered!

You have no idea how her DC will react to later bedtimes... they might do what my son did which means everyone is even MORE tired and grumpy still!

TBH, you're both welcome to have whatever routine suits yourselves. Even if it doesn't actually suit, its nobody else's business ;)

It won't be forever, the children will grow up, their sleeping habits will change.

The ONE phrase I stuck to with ALL things in life, child related or not : "This too shall pass"

Routine routine routine - it just works.
It's all well and good being happy with them going later and getting up later - but what happens when they start school ..

I would get my kids to bed early as they are tired, but also as a couple (and as a woman!)- you need a bit of time in the evening to wind down or even go out on a date (shock, horror what’s one of those?!) .. it depends on the kids but I would suggest moving to an earlier bedtime when they go to school or they won’t last the day!

I've heard that the hours of sleep before midnight are more important but I couldn't justify this with hard science, it's just what I've been brought up with (and I am European if that makes a difference :)). I wouldn't want my kids to go to bed at 9pm or later as it is not a sustainable routine once they start pre-school/school and also I like to have some time in the evening without the kids. But neither would I want them in bed by 6pm as it's crazy early and would mean I wouldn't see them when I work and we would not have any meals together etc which is very sad. For us 7.30pm (asleep by 8pm) works. My girls are 3 and 6 yrs old and both happy with that. One wakes up between 5am and 6am quite frequently. Always has no matter what time she goes to bed. The other one tends to sleep longer. It's fine by us. DH is an early riser too.

If my DS (now 6) goes to bed tired he wakes up early. Did it as a baby, does it now. He’s asleep by 8 and wakes up at 6.30/6.45 which works as he goes to school. Late to bed late up won’t seem to smart or smug when they start school.

For everyone saying they wake up at 6am NO MATTER WHAT, what happens when the clocks go back? Do they then wake up at 5 am no matter what?

If not then they can adjust. It's just conditioning. If it suits you then fine but don't say the children ALWAYS wake up at a certain time because that's nonsense.

Horses for courses, really. My little one has always been in bed for 7 and slept really well so i don't like messing with the routine as it messes it up. Also, in all honesty I like the evenings to ourselves. I would hate my son to be up til late. A few family members and friends have been sneery about it but their kids don't sleep as well so i guess they don't care about losing it the way we do. In the end i really don't care what they think as it works for us.

For everyone saying they wake up at 6am NO MATTER WHAT

Or for some of us, we just ran to a different hour for half the year...

Thankfully the children are older now and its not quite so inflexible, although we still have some sleep issues at age 15! (disability)

I refer to my previous comment of what helps me "This too shall pass"

Depends in the child dc1 slept 12 hours regardless of time napped as and when. Dc2 needed to go to sleep between 6.30 and 7.30 latest got up early any late nights wrecked him and had to be planned with naos at 5pm meaning he the would wake at 7 the next day exhusted and tired would take days to get him sorted. Dc3 goes to bed when tired anytime between 6&8 usually though can stay up later wakes early but is still happy enough in the day.

Some judgy arseholes would say similar to you with dc2 but if he didn't get to bed early it was a nightmare for days I hated being stuck in every night but it wasn't worth the days of crying n fighting.

The only people I can’t bear are those I regularly see out and about after 9pm with school age (4-7) kids who are obviously worn out and want their bed.

My lot stay up until they're tired, which is usually by 11, but then, they can sleep in as long as they want as I home ed them, and we don't start working until lunchtime. :-) It works well for us.

STOP worrying about what your SIL thinks.... it's RUBBISH... you sound very happy and relaxed, and that is why your children are too. People nowadays get far too "precious" about it all. I just LOVE the fact that your darling children were still dancing late at night! PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK please. You are a great, wonderful mum. I did the same with my two (now 29 and 30) and we had SO many happy times, and they still remember it all, and talk about it! You DON'T have to get into all that stupid "stifling" stuff... please don;t. You are SO much a better mum than them. My two remember me waking them up at about 3 a.m. when they were about 3 and 4. I did so, because we were experiencing a possibly "once-in-a-life-time" utterly spectacular thunder and lightning storm. I snuggled them up on the window sill with blankets AND THEY STILL REMEBER IT WITH AWE! (That's what "life" is about) You are an awsome mummy! xxxxx

YouDancin - erm yes, my child gets up 'earlier' during winter and later during summer. It's better now he is older, but god I used to hate those long dark winter mornings starting at 5 for months on end.

What a ridiculous post. (A)Why would you care what time she puts her children to bed and (b) why would you think that putting your under 5a

5s to bed at 9 is a more reasonable time! I think it’s pretty much a proven fact that kids who go to bed at a reasonable time ie 7ish are much healthier-it’s to do with sleep patterns and quality of sleep. But seriously -it’s none of your business