DH should plan some meals? It's not that hard

[Laserbird16]

I'm currently on maternity leave and often i'm not hungry in the evening...as I have made umpteen sumptuous dishes to delight DD (14 months) which she doesn't eat so I scoff.

After settling her this evening (which I do every evening as she loves breastfeeding to sleep) I emerge from the bedroom at 7pm to hangry DH. We end up making pizzas and he complains that he wishes I planned our evening meals... and possibly cooked them.

I already do the shopping, plan all of DDs meals and cook them. He knows where the kitchen is so AIBU to think plan your own meals DH, or am I just being lazy? He seems to go through fads of gluten free/no nightshades (which don't apply if he wants KFC for lunch etc). We could be more organised but I don't really want this to become another one of my tasks as I happen to have the ovaries in the relationship.

He was hungry, you were busy. He should have enough cooked for both of you while you were upstairs.

I think your WTF approach is perfect. Don't even start on explaining to a grown man that if he's hungry he should eat.

Don't take all responsibility for all the wifework just because you are on ML. It will be fantastically difficult to change he afterwards when he's got used to having everything done for him.

If I got a housewife for a year, I'd find it painful to give up. I'd live on nothing but porridge for a year rather than give up my cleaner.

YANBU. If he wants to meal plan, let him get on with it. If he is hungry, he knows where the kitchen is. I am on mat leave and breastfeeding and if I haven't made anything when he gets home from work then DH cooks without complaint. It's not an issue.

You know, when I had four children under 6, I managed to prepare and cook a meal for us all almost every single week night.

Obviously there were odd nights when he'd come into chaos, but I wouldn't dream of expecting him to come in after a full day at work and start cooking, when I'd been at home, even after four children. Doing it with only one at home is taking the piss.

Silvery don't forget all the feeding, putting to bed and other childcare that the DH will now be also sharing in. Plus meal planning and shopping. Seems fair!

Ah, now we've got the 'full day at work' being evoked as if he's been down the mines for 11 hours. Also the Four Yorkshiremen approach to doing childcare and housework.

Wonder how unmarried people who've done 'a full day at work' manage to feed themselves? The mind boggles.

Yes he needs to plan and cook some meals. Just silly if he's just sitting their getting hungry (or especially hangry) while you bf. You should be doing the same overall amount of work as one another.

I've always eaten with dc myself. Cook one thing and anyone not in yet can warm some up.

• You know, when I had four children under 6, I managed to prepare and cook a meal for us all almost every single week night.

Obviously there were odd nights when he'd come into chaos, but I wouldn't dream of expecting him to come in after a full day at work and start cooking, when I'd been at home, even after four children. Doing it with only one at home is taking the piss.*

Good to see the sisterhood is strong on Mumsnet. If you’re not cooking three course meals every night while simultaneously being a perfect mother to eleventy million children you are “taking the piss”.

You know what? Some people - men and women - find parenting hard. They find domestic drudgery demoralising and demotivating and dull. OP is not abdicating all responsibility, she’s asking whether her DH should occasionally think ahead about what he wants for his own dinner. How on Earth is that “taking the piss”.

Seriously, women have enough enemies wanting to keep them subservient in the home, they don’t need other women to put the boot in.

And I’m NOT calling SAHMs subservient. If they have made an active choice to be a SAHM then I’m the first to applaud them.

I didn't enjoy the drudgery either, I enjoyed the time with the children, not the cooking, cleaning and the rest, but I managed to get a meal together for six of us, so why on earth can't any SAHP manage a meal (one course, not three) for three? Why on earth would you want to start faffing about later on in the evening to make a meal when it can be ready to eat as soon as you've got the wee one to bed and you can then sit down and spend some time together?

Oh and I'm not, and have never been subservient. Or a perfect Mother.

But you are not the OP and she is not you. She didn’t ask for tips on how to prepare evening meals, or whether other women were better at juggling kids and cooking than her, she asked whether her faddy eater DH was reasonable to huff and puff passive aggressively at her because she didn’t have his dinner on the table every night.

It’s interesting that the response to the OP here is to take on the work herself and have everyone eat together, but in a couple of years time when the kids are in nursery or school and getting hangry themselves it will be that the OP needs to do a “children’s tea” and then cook again in the evening for her and DH. One meal or two meals are both perfectly adequate ways to feed a family. The OP’s way is suiting her fine. It’s her DH who sits in front of the TV grouching like a toddler.

Totally same situation, albeit less annoying I think! Currently on mat leave and DS (5 months) is also breastfed and likes to be fed to sleep (help me stop it!!) at around 7pm. If I don’t have the ingredients ready and the idea of what we’re eating my DH will wait for me to come downstairs before we start cooking. Generally he’s pretty good and we have got something out of the freezer in the morning so have a vague idea.
I get you’re not all that hungry but perhaps meal plan for the week together at the weekend and try to make it so some or all of the meals are also suitable for your DD and freeze/save for the next day if you’re not eating it?

Sorry, but I'm old fashioned and think yabu. You are on mat leave with only one child. You have ample time to prepare a decent meal for you all and if your DH is out working presumably 7-8 hours with a commute on top, I don't think you are overburdened to be the one cooking during the week. Just do meals that can be prepared during the day and involve mimimal attention at night when you are putting thr baby down. He should help at weekends though to relieve you of the tedium of doing all the dinners.

Being parents involves team work, mucking in and getting things done so both can then sit down and chill. You can cook during the day if you have time and some days he can cook while you put baby to bed, it really is not hard! Stop working against each other, playing games otherwise being parents is going to get a whole lot harder!

Fixed it. DD and I have gastro so the meal plan is bananas and toast.

I will try pushing her dinner later as the ideal is we all eat together. She is older now and not as tired as she used to be, her evening meal is usually the one she eats at best and as she isn't a great eater I try to ensure all the conditions are right.

I'll get back on meal planning, it makes life easier but still requires me to tell DH to start cooking... er about 20 mins before you want to eat DH. I just resent it when he is quite capable and I suppose my experience hasn't been oodles of time! It seems to be relentless!

Meal plan together OP - those days where it's relentless he can just crack on with dinner if you haven't had the chance. Feel better soon.