DH should plan some meals? It's not that hard

[Laserbird16]

I'm currently on maternity leave and often i'm not hungry in the evening...as I have made umpteen sumptuous dishes to delight DD (14 months) which she doesn't eat so I scoff.

After settling her this evening (which I do every evening as she loves breastfeeding to sleep) I emerge from the bedroom at 7pm to hangry DH. We end up making pizzas and he complains that he wishes I planned our evening meals... and possibly cooked them.

I already do the shopping, plan all of DDs meals and cook them. He knows where the kitchen is so AIBU to think plan your own meals DH, or am I just being lazy? He seems to go through fads of gluten free/no nightshades (which don't apply if he wants KFC for lunch etc). We could be more organised but I don't really want this to become another one of my tasks as I happen to have the ovaries in the relationship.

Why dont you feed your kid proper meals?

Next time he complains, give him the lap top and tell him to order the food for the week online

YANBU
If he's hungry he can start cooking while you are busy. He needs to get used to that if your going to be even more busy when you have another baby around.

We do meal plans for the week. Shops on the Sunday for meals up til Friday and weekends are anything goes. Certain meals go on certain days due to other evening commitments but the rest can be moved about.
If you are getting meal ingredients in maybe make a list of meals that can be had and tell him when he gets hungry he is welcome to choose one and cook it.

It sounds like maybe you both need to sit down and plan the week. Or if you don't care what you eat, then ask him to plan the dinners each week and give you a shopping list.

Personally, in our house I do all the meal planning as I do the food shopping, but the days I'm not around because I'm working late or traveling or otherwise just busy and not eating at home, my dh knows at the start of the week and gives me a list to add to the shopping. We both cook, though more me, because he does the washing up and other household things at that time.

I do think it sounds confusing to not have a plan for what you'll have eat night. I couldn't exist like that, but it doesn't bother you, so that's fine. If it bothers him, then he needs to do the meal planning, tell you what to get, and then start the cooking while you are doing bedtime.

I would like to cook us all the same but in reality I make baby tea for 5pm of several tiny things. I then eat the majority of this as DD will take a few bites - usually inversely proportional to how much effort I put in, plusit has to be something I can make while she hangs off me. DH comes home, he may have a few bits of her dinner and then bedtime routine kicks off. He showers her, I tidy and get the room ready etc. then stories, singing and breastfeeding and asleep by 6:30/7. I then emerge and he is sitting watching TV/reading and wondering what is for dinner and getting all snippy about it too, knob.

He plans for 3 meals, you plan for 3 meals each week

Text him now asking what he had planned for tea tonight?

I don't understand either why he can't cook. Sometimes I have a good day with Ds and cook for us all. Sometimes it's a hard day and I pull something out of the freezer for Ds and dh cooks after he has done bath and bed

My dh always asks what I want to eat. I do sometimes wonder why he can't simply make a decision himself about what we should have.

It's blowing my mind that some people don't meal plan but still do a week's shopping. I can understand not planning and just going to the shop to get whatever you like on the way home from work but not having an idea of meals and doing a big shop?? I'm really impressed.

I do think yabu

If you want to eat together I'd stop nibbling at DD's food and tell him what he's cooking.

If you don't want to eat together I'd ask him to add stuff to the shopping list for his meals.

It sounds like you haven't actually said you're not eating with him.

This is a breastfeeding thing OP - I have the same thing, feed DS before bed every day, put him to bed, emerge blinking into the bright lights of the living room feeling a bit sleepy (good old bf hormones) and very much like just sitting down for a little bit rather than starting on the next batch of cooking. The bfing time directly conflicts with when you'd normally do adult meal prep.

My view is that dh should do it. His view is that he's too tired...compromise is we get a lot of takeaway

Can't you all eat together? We all ate together when dc was that age, they'd have bits that was suitable or a small portion. Most did go on the floor but felt less of a waste as I wasn't solely cooking for a toddler. Dh can then cook weekends for you all or his days off work.

It's not that hard for him to plan meals but equally it's not that hard for you to plan meals either. Yet neither of you are doing it.
Personally I'd have a 'no picking at DD's food' rule for both of you. Then you take turns at making dinner each night. You could both take half an hour on the Sunday to menu plan for the week, shop accordingly, divide out the nights between you. It's not that complicated and you get to spend time together and eat a balanced diet. Win/win.

YANBU. Don’t fall into the routine of sorting everything out for him unless you want that sort of division of Labour solidified at home.

Also, v. arrogant to be sitting around watching TV and expecting that you’ll be the one to come down and cook for him after you’ve finished settling the DC.

And this is how it starts.

ML = "You do everything" in some mens minds, especially if they had a SAHM who did everything for the family. Except that when ML ends they have got so used to never doing anything, that you end up doing all the wifework and working as well.

Point out to him that you went to hospital to have one child, not two and that you have no time for any man who isnt capable of cooking himself and his wife a meal.

He is BU you are busy why can he not start cooking, even buy the food for dinner on his way home form work if tehre is nothing in.

You need to tell him that there needs to be a better routine does he have any suggetions? see what he says, but put your pland forward of him doing the dinnerwhile you finish off bedtime.

It sounds like you are hungry at 5ish when DD eats and DH is home early enough and hungry enough to all eat tea together (based on you saying he is in before bedtime starts and eats her leftover food). There is no need to eat at 7pm just because you did pre children. All eating same meal at 6pm will make life a lot easier and research shows eating as a family is better if possible.

Stuff in slow cooker so no need to cook in evening if she is clingy.

Agree he should come some meals and sit down and meal plan with you. But it seems silly and duplication of work to cook meal 1 for toddler at 5pm which adults also eat then meal 2 for adults at 7pm.

I think you are being difficult OP.
I don't understand this kind of relationship at all. If I had been at work all day and my partner at home, I would actually be quite hurt to be told to sort myself out. Do you not consider your DH to be part of your family?
It's not as if your DD is a newborn - at 14 months, could she not eat with you both when your DH get in?

Honestly, I don't think it's that difficult to plan meals for the week. However, I also don't cook every meal so I'mm in two minds on this one.
I plan meals every week (take 5-10 minutes, depending on whether we have stepkids that week - awkward fuckers) but I don't necessarily say this meal on this night and that meal on that night etc. OH and I decide day by day what we want from what we have as some nights we might want a big tea, other nights just snack stuff. But we take it in turns to do the cooking - basically anything that takes longer than 20 minutes to make I'm not interested, I hate cooking! Things like beef joint or steak is OH domain and quick simple chicken dinners is my area of expertise. I'd say make a list of the meals that can be made, stick it on the fridge and when he asks whats for tea, tell him to pick a meal off the list and get cracking!

It's blowing my mind that some people don't meal plan but still do a week's shopping. I can understand not planning and just going to the shop to get whatever you like on the way home from work but not having an idea of meals and doing a big shop?? I'm really impressed.

I buy the same basic ingredients every week and then do whatever takes our/my fancy with them. Mince can be spag bol, shepherds pie, chilli, pasties, tacos ec. Chicken breasts can be masses of different things. I have a chornic condition that causes a lot of pain so some nights I am up for a labour intensive dinner and some nights it has to be as little effort as possible, so meal planning is almost impossible as I cant tell how good or bad a day I am going to have.

My frustration is I did meal plan but that's it I always did it. Then DH would have some dietary requirement that needed accommodating. I hate wasting food so basically live off DD scraps..and chocolate. I also do the vast majority of the planning re weekends, DD anything, holidays, finances etc. cleaning DH does too but I spend most of the day picking up all the things DD has helpfully strewn about the house and washing up after her meals. Plus it isn't like I just start my 'shift' at 6 and then she goes to bed at 7 and I'm done. I study and then all that frickin life admin needs doing.... aggghhhh just make yourself a toastie DH if you can't handle it

There are some weird replies at the start of this thread. Why is it that a very tosserish first reply usually sets the tone for a load more? It's like a "Spiky Cunt Klaxon" gets set off...

The last thing you want to do after settling one baby is to come down and pander to a 6 foot baby stropping in the living room because it's his turn to get fed. He should be organizing dinner for both of you, knowing that you are feeding your child, not sulking.

Set something very simple in place. I would suggest that he cooks dinner for the two of you, and you wash up and put away afterwards.

Yes YABU. Why don't you cook 1 meal for all of you and eat together when DH gets home? (Prepare it whilst dd sleeps if she is hanging off you later in the day). Surely it's better for dd to have a normal meal (chopped up/pureed/whatever) than bizarre bits and bobs throughout the day. It would probably mean she'd actually eat more too as she'd be hungry. If DH is too late home, feed dd first then DH can reheat the meal whilst you settle dd. There is no reason why dd can't eat the same meals as you and DH at 14 months.