DH should plan some meals? It's not that hard

[Laserbird16]

I'm currently on maternity leave and often i'm not hungry in the evening...as I have made umpteen sumptuous dishes to delight DD (14 months) which she doesn't eat so I scoff.

After settling her this evening (which I do every evening as she loves breastfeeding to sleep) I emerge from the bedroom at 7pm to hangry DH. We end up making pizzas and he complains that he wishes I planned our evening meals... and possibly cooked them.

I already do the shopping, plan all of DDs meals and cook them. He knows where the kitchen is so AIBU to think plan your own meals DH, or am I just being lazy? He seems to go through fads of gluten free/no nightshades (which don't apply if he wants KFC for lunch etc). We could be more organised but I don't really want this to become another one of my tasks as I happen to have the ovaries in the relationship.

BunloafAndCrumpets OP said a few minutes into the thread

"I doubt he wants the tiny and varied things I try to expose DD to in the hope she'll eat. 3 sugar snap peas, a half a corn on the cob, hummus, yoghurt, broccoli, a strawberry etc anyone? It gets quite filling over a day but I don't think DH wants it for dinner"

While making sure she has that sort of stuff in is meal planning and prep, it's not the same as cooking spag bog, or some other meal many people seem to like. Especially since her husband has dietary requirements she probably doesn't want to impose on her DC (so as to introduce DC to as wide a variety of food as possible).

So it isn't easier for her to do one meal at this stage. Her DD's needs are pretty simple. Her DH's needs less so.

The toddler must be eating some hot food though not just finger food.

It just comes across as i've been so busy making the DC food I don't have time to make you food or me food. Which isn't good for anyone. People are just saying one meal for all would make things more efficient.

But yes DH should do some cooking. Have a chat and draw up a plan.

Annabel karmel used to do some nice recipe books, I remember the fish pie and lamb and sweet potato casserole. Not saying OP make all meals DH could prep some night before or in slow cooker in morning.

Dixie why must toddler be eating some hot food?

BoomBoomCousin Do you really need that question answered???

It’s really not impossible to successfully wean a toddler without preparing several different meals for different people, despite catering for dietary restrictions in the family.

A meal plan is a meal plan whether it’s spag bol or finger food. I completely agree that op should not be doing all the planning and cooking but it sounds like the family could make all their lives easier by communicating about this and making some sort of coordinated plan.

Do NOT start doing this! Because it will become another one of your tasks even after you go back to work. Your employer is paying you maternity leave, not 1950s Housewife Leave.

'We end up making pizzas and he complains that he wishes I planned our evening meals... and possibly cooked them. '

My response to this would be, 'Yeah, me, too! I wish I had a servant, too. What a pity real life isn't like that.'

I don't meal plan, either, it's very simple to have staples in the house from which to concoct a meal.

Who wiped his arse before he got married?

As for faddy diets, nope, whoever is on them sorts out their own food. I'm not running a restaurant.

@expatinscotland I’m a little bit in love with you after that post.

I'm not. I think its a bit offensive and totally unhelpful.

Since when was making dinner to eat together as a family being a 1950's housewife? I do it, my DH does it. It's not a gender thing unless you make it one.

YABU. You’re at home with one toddler and a DH with some dietary restrictions. Seriously, ensuring everyone in the family is fed of an evening is hardly a big deal.

You said it yourself: you just lack the motivation. You not being bothered doesn’t make him a knob or a tosser or a chauvinist, and has nothing to do with you having ovaries and him testicles (ffs). All your posts read the same way: you can’t be bothered and you’re trying to justify why.

'Since when was making dinner to eat together as a family being a 1950's housewife?'

Since one of you starts complaining that the other one should plan all the meals and possibly cook them, too, since the other party finds that unacceptable and thinks the task should be divided up because he/she is on maternity/parental leave, not Full Time Housewife Leave. Since the other party gets snippy, exact word from the OP, that she's not making dinner nightly.

'Seriously, ensuring everyone in the family is fed of an evening is hardly a big deal.'

Then he's perfectly capable of doing it half the week, too. She's not a SAHM, she's on maternity leave.

What expat said.

But you do need to look after yourself. Which means making sure you eat properly too.

What are you and your dd eating exactky

And he should care enough about that to chip in and help out

Oh please with the she's on maternity leave and the lofty notion that it's somehow different from SAHM! Kid is 14 months, it's all the same. Just because you had a job over a year ago making a bit of dinner is somehow beneath you?

My DH was on parental leave last year while I worked full time. I would have been pretty unimpressed if he expected me to come and start making dinner every night. Of course it was his job, with me doing it now and again.

I think there’s some sort of spectrum for every adult of ‘I would do anything for my partner, I want to look after them’ to ‘they are an adult and can do x perfectly well themselves, why should I do it?’

You just need to find where you are on that spectrum and communicate about this clearly with your partner.

FWIW I don’t see this as a gender thing

What’s the difference between a SAHM and a woman on maternity leave?

In fact, is it possible to be on mat leave in the UK with a toddler?

Unless OP is pregnant, in which case yes, DH should get his own dinner and let OP get on with growing a human.

If not, I’m genuinely confused about the difference between a SAHM and a woman on mat leave.

'Oh please with the she's on maternity leave and the lofty notion that it's somehow different from SAHM! Kid is 14 months, it's all the same. Just because you had a job over a year ago making a bit of dinner is somehow beneath you?'

It is different, because she'll be going back to work. Start as you mean to go on. My 3 were all very different at 14 months, well, turns out, one had autism. He was a lot of work at that age.

So because he has a job, making a bit of dinner is beneath him, too?

DH as a SAHP for 4 years, it just never occurred to me that that also made him my domestic appliance, too, and that working exempted me from lifework. Nope, just wouldn't have whinged that he didn't have a hot dinner waiting on the table for me every evening or get snippy with him for not making me meals. We worked together to plan meals and even did prep the night before for the slow cooker.

I guess OP not in UK due to time of first post and talking about ‘this evening’.

It is different, because she'll be going back to work

It's different when she does go back to work. Right now she is the one wit plenty of time to make dinner, he is not. It's pure logistics.
Frankly if you begrudge making dinner for your partner working full time while you do playgroups and have plenty of time, your relationship must be awful. Start as you mean to go on alright: pretend you're single and just cook for yourself!

* What’s the difference between a SAHM and a woman on maternity leave?*

It’s not about that. It’s about a man who expects to be waited on at home because he’s been at WORK and can’t possibly be expected to think about feeding himself, and gets snippy because after 12 hours of looking after a toddler his wife doesn’t suddenly magic up a delicious meal specific to his current faddy diet, with no thought or input from him.

I see the domestic martyrs are out in force again today.

What’s the difference between a SAHM and a woman on maternity leave?
Nothing, except one feels morally superior to the other.

And LOL at having “plenty of time” while looking after a 14mo.

I wasn't aware that there are mythical employers who pay SAHPs with the expectation that he/she will return to work after the leave period expires (or pay back what was paid out). That's one just slight difference that's lies outside superiority of any sort.

This post is making me so angry. Why does cooking one meal for the whole family (instead of umpteen for herself and the toddler) make the OP a downtrodden, 1950s housewife? I feel sorry for OP's DH and think they have big issues if she begrudges him this so much. And the toddler needs to be exposed to normal family meals too. She can have a pea and a bit of hummus for a snack at other times in the day.

OFGS. Just because the person in mat leave will eventually return to work, how is the day to day of being on mat leave with a 14mo any different from the day to day of a person who is not going back to work? Seriously, I don’t get it. Do you expect maternity pay to recompense the worker for lost leisure time/ lost personal time/ time away from child that that worker is going to experience in the future? If so, those poor SAHMs are more fucked than they thought.

It’s wrapping up “I can’t be bothered” in a piss poor pseudo-feminist argument that’s ridiculous. Nothing wrong with not being able to muster up the energy to cater to a daddy diet 7/7. Just say so!