DH should plan some meals? It's not that hard

[Laserbird16]

I'm currently on maternity leave and often i'm not hungry in the evening...as I have made umpteen sumptuous dishes to delight DD (14 months) which she doesn't eat so I scoff.

After settling her this evening (which I do every evening as she loves breastfeeding to sleep) I emerge from the bedroom at 7pm to hangry DH. We end up making pizzas and he complains that he wishes I planned our evening meals... and possibly cooked them.

I already do the shopping, plan all of DDs meals and cook them. He knows where the kitchen is so AIBU to think plan your own meals DH, or am I just being lazy? He seems to go through fads of gluten free/no nightshades (which don't apply if he wants KFC for lunch etc). We could be more organised but I don't really want this to become another one of my tasks as I happen to have the ovaries in the relationship.

This is why different meals are such a pain the in the arse. We always cooked one meal, which kids sometimes ate earlier but in essence are together. If what we were eating was really unsuitable (and very little is) I would do them cheesy pasta instead.

Tbh whoever is around more at cooking time should cook. With work and babies time efficiency is the important bit. I would meal plan between you so that whoever has more time doesn't have to waste brain power thinking up what to eat when they're hungry and tired. And feed the child the same.

So it's the planing not the cooking. Agree it's not fair one does all the planning. Say to DH on x day each week we are sitting down and meal planning. Make up a list of meals you can all eat - I used to have a master list divided up so mince meals, chicken, veggie etc. Choose 7 meals write them on a meal planner thing and stick on fridge. Divide up who is cooking what. Will be much less waste if you stop making DC separate meals and know in advance what you are eating.

Why don't you just eat what DD eats? When you make her tea, make enough for all of you and if he's home later he can heat it up himself.

In terms of meal planning it should be equally split - you could do it one week then him the next week including sorting out the shopping? It doesn't matter whether he's at work or not - he still has to take responsibility for his own meals. What do households with full time workers do - not eat?

We don't meal plan. Just buy a load of random veg and meat, and few ready meals, a few easy-makes like tortellini. There's always plenty to eat, and we don't chuck stuff out.

Me and DH take it in turns. I cook 5 days a week and he cooks 2, mainly because I love cooking and he hates it. Whoever doesn't cook does the washing up.

We plan our meals for the week ahead and do our shopping online and keep to a budget of £60 a week (that includes pet food) it works for us!

Is very annoying - I have a similar family!

My solution has been as pp have said - cook meals that everyone can eat. Is far more efficient.

I have a list of meals we can all eat (we have one coeliac and one cows milk allergy) and every week I choose three meals, buy the ingredients, write down what we are having when on a list that DH can see. I always cook double portions and we have leftovers three times a week. This really reduces the faff.

DH can look at the planner and see what we are eating / start cooking if he wants to. It’s really helped.

Oh and on day 7 we go out to eat / have frozen pizza / takeaway etc.

Sounds like he is being a bit lazy and YANBU. If he wants to be picky about what he eats then why should it be your problem?

It will make your life much easier if you cook a single family meal for the evening, feed a portion at 5:00 to your child, then eat a bit later with your OH, and keep the foods you're trying to introduce for lunchtimes.

I’m pregnant at the moment so I’m not eating much for tea because I still feel sick and don’t fancy anything.

I cook for my 2 DC to eat at 5.
DH gets home at 6 and I cook for him.
I might eat with them, with him or after bedtime - all depends on how I feel. Plus I don’t really eat the same as them as I’m a vegetarian but they all eat meat.

I take DC upstairs at 6:45.
So, I do the school runs (I don’t drive) and housework, bath the children, homework, reading, bedtime.
DD is 4 and I have to stay with her until she’s asleep. She was a breastfed baby and doesn’t settle herself well. So that can take 20-30 minutes.
My DS was 17m when I had DD. So I had a baby carrier for DD and DS would hang around my feet mostly. It’s not difficult.

Yeah he could suggest some meals to you, but surely you know what he eats?
If you’re on maternity leave, I don’t understand why you can’t prep something for him to put in the oven when he’s hungry? Or something to microwave?
If I know I’ll be busy, I’ll start DH during the day so it’s ready to go in when he’s on his way home.

If I don’t feel like cooking, I tell DH to either get something on his way home or he’ll do himself some pasta.

Living off scraps and chocolate is very unhealthy especially if you're breastfeeding. Honestly, you need to start eating better. Are you eating rubbish just to avoid cooking for DH?
You're both building up a lot of resentments. I totally understand that you don't want to be loaded with wife work but you still need to eat. As a PP said, take turns cooking, eat together with DD. Then you can both relax once DD is down.
If you don't want to do all the family admin then stop doing it. Share it between you. But don't turn food into a battleground.

How will it make the OP’s life easier to go from a bunch of stuff she pulls out of the fridge for her DD, that she then snacks on too, to planning a bunch of meals and cooking every day?

Your diets all sound really bad tbh

Not just op doing planning and prep both adults do. Toddler doesn't need separate special food. OP is making food daily anyway.

Seems odd just to make for DC then pick at leftovers. Surely you think i'll have soup, sandwich, scrambled eggs etc for lunch and make enough for you and DC.

I'm very much from a family meals upbringing and did same with DC. Feeding kids at 5 then adults having supper at 7 is not norm with people I know.

The last thing you want to do after settling one baby is to come down and pander to a 6 foot baby stropping in the living room
^This.

No reason he can't meal plan, especially if he changes dietary requirements. Also why can't he cook whilst you're putting baby to bed? You've BOTH been working all day.

YANBU.

Boom OP says she’s already planning and cooking all of dd’s (and therefore her own meals).* People are just suggesting that she makes these meals things that her husband can eat some / all of.* So that solves the problem.. how does it make her life more difficult?

There is a balance between enabling the husband’s dependent behaviour, and being considerate of him as a member of the family, which the OP needs to judge and feel comfortable with.

He does need to suggest what these meals that they could cook for the whole family actually look like in the first place though!!

Sorry weird bold sentence there, didn’t mean to do that!

YANBU your DH needs to start doing some of the shopping, meal planning and cooking, especially if he’s a faddy eater.

My DH was a SAHP and I worked full time, it didn’t stop me being able to shop, plan and cook. Sometimes when you are looking after a demanding baby all day you don’t have the mental,or emotional energy to look after yourself let alone your partner.

What other wifework have you slipped into OP?

How will it make the OP’s life easier to go from a bunch of stuff she pulls out of the fridge for her DD, that she then snacks on too, to planning a bunch of meals and cooking every day

Because instead of making multiple sumptuous meals for her dd (of which there is obviously too much if she's eating the leftovers and not needing anything else other than chocolate), op OR he dh could cook one main meal. Either op plates up her dh's for when he's ready, her dh plates up hers and one for dd the next day if she eats earlier or they all eat together.

Cooking multiple meals a day is just crazy unnecessary work no matter who's actually cooking it.

My DP doesn't cook at all. Any time he has it has made someone ill. It really irritates me but that's just the way he is. Before he met me he lived off of kebabs and burgers from the takeaway or oven pizzas (not exaggerating - that's all he ate).

I meal plan and do lots of slow cooker dinners, plus on a Sunday I will make a double batch of something (pasta bake, shepherds pie, chilli, curry etc) and save it for quick weeknight dinners. Have a lovely freezer stash and spend much less time cooking. DS2 has CMPA and screams an awful lot, I've found this the most convenient way for us.

We are a family of 4 (two DC under 3), I meal plan and shop incorporating three different dietary requirements (allergies). I fit that around having the kids all week and working 4 nights a week.

Sorry, but I think YAB a little U.

To me, there's no real reason why you couldn't feed baby the same meal as you but you just cook it earlier, let her have hers at 5 and then he/you can reheat it when she's gone down? There's no way I could cook two dinners a day so I can feel your frustration.

TBH it probably isn't good for you to be picking all day and not have a proper meal.

I will add that DP will do the washing up, bins and little bits of tidying up while I put the kids to bed.

Tell him he can wash up and can be doing the general tidying up while you put DD down for bed.

I don't think you should make a bit of dinner because you have the ovaries, but because you are the one at home all day. If you were working and he was at home all day, he should be cooking the dinner mostly.
You have one kid over one, it's not like you don't have time to do it.

From the OP’s posts I’m reading that she’s feeding her 14mo finger food like crudités, fruit etc. I.e. not preparing meals that her DH would also enjoy. My DH has been away for two weeks and it’s been bliss not having to prepare/ sit down to a big evening meal every night, which is what he enjoys. I cook simple meals for DD and defrost some homemade soup for myself.

I'm concerned that you don't really cook for yourself as well. A hot plate for yourself could be really simple like soup with bread, omelette with feta and mushrooms or spinach, salad with roasted chicken, beans on toast, peas and peppers with couscous. Stuff that is ready in 5-10 minutes. You deserve to have a proper meal yourself. You can make double for DH or if he doesn't want to eat whats on offer he can make something for himself. But you should try to feed yourself something better most days.

I had no inspiration for meals on mat leave. If dh had developed different diets I would have told him to take over meal planning pretty much entirely except for weekends when I might have some headspace.
I'm currently pregnant and dh is doing all the cooking and trying to run ideas by me to find something I might eat. More takeaway than usual yes but that's partly based on me thinking I might eat takeaway.