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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend of 20 years assaulted me

133 replies

Awomansworkisneverdone · 22/10/2017 19:21

Absolutely gutted this has happened!
Me and my closest friend went out on a night out last night,the night started brilliantly! Few drinks,dancing the night away.
My friend noticed a old colleague if hers and a few of his friends and pretty much left me to it,at this point I wasn’t that bothered it was 1am and I was ready to go home. I told her I was heading home and do you want to taxi share, she said no going to stay here, I said I didn’t want to leave her there alone with all the men as they starting taunting her one put his lime from his glass down her cleavage. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with all of them, she then said il go home with ** !! The colleague! She then said text “husband” tell him Iv gone home with you!
I refused to go along with it and left pretty angry!
She came down the road, staggering all over the place. I was flagging down a taxi. She walked up to me but fell back falling on her bum I picked her up linked her arm and tried to get her in the taxi!
She pulled her arm from me and slapped me hard in the face muttering something. I looked at her told her fine and left myself !
I burst into tears on the way home!
She’s never been aggressive towards me. Iv known her along time. She’s one of my closest friends.
I told my other half and he told me to wash my hands with her. I texted her this morning saying how much she hurt me and that I was worried about her and asked why she hit me.in that situation I would absolutely retaliate in defence but I couldn’t I was too upset and shocked. She replied saying she’s to fucking hungover to deal with this shit. Shock AIBU to let this friendship go? I don’t know if I can forgive.

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 23/10/2017 14:57

I am sorry but even if she was spiked/has things going on/doesn't remember assaulting you, you texted her to ask why she hit you and her response was that she's too hungover to deal with this shit??? This is the point at which you give up on her. If she'd had her drink spiked/ didn't remember then the following morning when she find out she should've apologised again and again to make things right. Even a text to say sorry and then putting it right the following day when she's no longer hungover.

Instead you've done the running and got nothing in return. Listen to your partner.

Ceto · 23/10/2017 15:01

You've already given her a chance to tell you what's going on in her head, why would you keep trying? It's up to her to tell you if she wants you to know.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 23/10/2017 15:19

I'm struggling to see why you'd enjoy going out with her if that level of flirting is "normal" for her. She dumped you as soon as she spotted some male friends, leaving you on your own? Then asking you to cover her so she can shag someone behind her husband's back.

Hitting you is fairly unforgivable. Her text in the morning was basically a second slap in the face.

I don't think the friendship is salvageable. Her loss, you sound like a kind considerate friend!

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2017 15:23

She doesn't sound like a nice person, you sound too nice. Mabey go and see her if you want, see if she ok. But I wouldn't, her response to you and behaviour towards you in the night was unacceptable.

MostPeopleAreCunts · 23/10/2017 15:33

Spiked, my arse - she'd just had a skinful!

She walked up to me but fell back falling on her bum I picked her up linked her arm and tried to get her in the taxi! She pulled her arm from me and slapped me hard in the face muttering something.

Sounds to me like she was so drunk that when she fell over, in her pissed head she interpreted it as you pushing her over (especially as you were cross with each other) and slapped you in retaliation.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 23/10/2017 22:22

But she never has to fear me in any way she’s know me very well. And knows that that would of been my reaction to get her home safe. I think Iv learnt my lesson tbh. I won’t be trying to help or support again.

OP posts:
KeepItAsItIs · 23/10/2017 22:27

Some people are just arseholes. There doesn't always have to be a reason why fgs. Doesn't sound like she was spiked to me (I had my drink spiked), sounds like she was a drunk arsehole.

NSEA · 23/10/2017 22:29

I would have forgiven the drunken slap if she hadn't been so awful the next day. She should have been grovelling.

TitaniasCloset · 24/10/2017 04:29

She sounds as if she was blackout drunk and deeply ashamed the next day, probably with alcohol poisoning and probably still drunk.

I would give it a few days for her to recover mentally then speak to her, tell her how worried you are.

TitaniasCloset · 24/10/2017 04:30

If she doesn't then apologise then she can bugger off. But she probably just couldn't handle a lecture while she was throwing up and the room was spinning.

IrritatedUser1960 · 24/10/2017 04:38

She was not at all remorseful the next day so yes get rid of her.

ewen1234 · 24/10/2017 08:35

I know if it was me (and this is just my opinion). I would need to speak to her. If she doesn't show any remorse or apologise or just tries to laugh it off (or as one poster suggested, if she tries to act s though she doesn't remember anything) then I would really have to consider binning her off. Who wants a friend who has no respect for you??

But that said, if I know that I had spoken to her then at least I would know I had nothing to reproach myself for as I would have the knowledge that I was STILL being a good friend even though she had done this to me. As far as Im concerned its the bigger person who makes the first move even though they know they were not in the wrong.

Just my opinion but like I said before twenty years is a long time, I hope she comes grovelling to you with bags of apologies. And I hope you are ok whatever the outcome.

XXXX

MostPeopleAreCunts · 24/10/2017 15:47

or as one poster suggested, if she tries to act s though she doesn't remember anything

She probably doesn't remember it - she was absolutely plastered!

Have you been in touch with her, OP?

ewen1234 · 24/10/2017 19:16

You would be surprised at the number of people who do get absolutely plastered and play the "Oh I'm so sorry, I don't even remember" card, the next day!!

I was on a night out not so long ago and a certain person swiped my phone and at the end of the night my purse also appeared in this person's bag but she was so drunk "couldn't remember doing it" and she was supposed to be a close friend of another friend of mine... (Needless to say SHE will never be in our company again and I only met her for the first time that night!!!...)

I really hope you DO manage to make it up or what a waste of twenty years. I personally think she needs a really good hard talking to. You know her better than anyone on here so you must have an idea of what she is like by now and also of what you need to do..

Good Luck!!

XXX

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 24/10/2017 19:34

She probably doesn't remember it..

OP let her know what had happened via text the next day, including how worried and hurt she was and asking why she hit her.

That was her chance to apologise and she didn't. No matter how hungover or ill you feel, there's no excuse not to text "Sorry, can we talk later".
If she does have difficulties in her life/ marriage that doesn't give her reason to be callous and selfish.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 24/10/2017 20:09

The friend also had time to upload photos of their great night out on social media but was too hungover to text the word sorry.

magoria · 24/10/2017 20:47

You cock-blocked her and she took it out on you.

She expected you to lie and then have to face her H again in the future.

She is no friend. Friends don't treat each other like this.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 25/10/2017 09:23

Heya thanks for all the replies.
We was suppose to go for coffee today it’s wednesday and we both (if we can) meet in costa in a shopping centre for catch up. We agreed two weeks ago that today we would buy our xmas cards an little bits and bobs. I texted her this morning just after 8am. My exact text! (Dont even care if she sees this)!
Morning, look i think we need to speak, im still pretty upset with what happened. And I am worried about you. I also think you need to explain why you lashed out at me? You wanna meet for coffee?

Twenty mins later!!

I can’t today. You made me feel like a prick I was not going to do anything with ** ! I’m sorry I got mad I don’t even remember half that night.

That’s it that’s all I got! She’s avoiding me! She won’t talk to me to my face. Took advice left it a few days to cool down. I’m done!!
I replied to her
“ a lifetime of friendship down the drain, well done mate take care”
That’s me done now. I don’t even feel sad anymore. Thanks for all comments:)

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 25/10/2017 09:28

Ah, what a shame, she's embarrassed, and would rather chuck your friendship away than deal with that.

Her loss!

BernardBlacksHangover · 25/10/2017 09:40

"You made me feel like a prick"

Sorry, but boo fucking hoo! She sounds like she was behaving like an utter prick tbh. "I'm sorry I got mad"... um hitting someone is much worse than getting mad.

Well done you for being the bigger person and trying to look out for her. And well done for moving on too. I think you're right to do so. Tbh I would feel sorry for her if she'd been remorseful, as clearly she has something going on to make her behave like that, but as it is my sympathy would be limited. Maybe she'll come back in a few weeks : months / years and realise what she did and explain herself, but I certainly wouldn't bother trying to contact her again.

SenoritaViva · 25/10/2017 10:05

You were a good friend to her and willing to give her a second chance. She's chucked it back in your face by not taking any kind of responsibility for her actions. You made her feel like a prick? You were looking out for her and she slapped you. You are certainly the better person.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2017 10:18

Not taking responsibility for her actions and blaming you. Sorry it took this long to find out who she is.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 25/10/2017 10:24

All two decades of friendship I’m pretty pissed off to be honest! She has changed for the worse. Glad I saw this before she got even more of a cow Shock

OP posts:
Southlondonmum76 · 25/10/2017 10:31

You’ve been friends for 20 years. You know each other pretty well by now. If this is out of character for her then maybe give her a few days to approach you and apologise and talk this out. Maybe she has stuff going on/unhappy etc... but it’s still no excuse to slap you.

She shouldn’t be putting you in the position to cover for her with her DH.
You need to think carefully whether you want to continue this friendship. If the friendship is worth saving then go for it.

If she hasn’t apologised or cannot see how she’s upset you then maybe you need to let this friend go. She doesn’t value your friendship.

Hope you are ok. Take care.

abatcalledjohn · 25/10/2017 10:32

You made me feel like a prick I was not going to do anything with ** !

Well, in her mind you deserved that slap for refusing to lie to her husband.

I think you're well rid.

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