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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend of 20 years assaulted me

133 replies

Awomansworkisneverdone · 22/10/2017 19:21

Absolutely gutted this has happened!
Me and my closest friend went out on a night out last night,the night started brilliantly! Few drinks,dancing the night away.
My friend noticed a old colleague if hers and a few of his friends and pretty much left me to it,at this point I wasn’t that bothered it was 1am and I was ready to go home. I told her I was heading home and do you want to taxi share, she said no going to stay here, I said I didn’t want to leave her there alone with all the men as they starting taunting her one put his lime from his glass down her cleavage. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with all of them, she then said il go home with ** !! The colleague! She then said text “husband” tell him Iv gone home with you!
I refused to go along with it and left pretty angry!
She came down the road, staggering all over the place. I was flagging down a taxi. She walked up to me but fell back falling on her bum I picked her up linked her arm and tried to get her in the taxi!
She pulled her arm from me and slapped me hard in the face muttering something. I looked at her told her fine and left myself !
I burst into tears on the way home!
She’s never been aggressive towards me. Iv known her along time. She’s one of my closest friends.
I told my other half and he told me to wash my hands with her. I texted her this morning saying how much she hurt me and that I was worried about her and asked why she hit me.in that situation I would absolutely retaliate in defence but I couldn’t I was too upset and shocked. She replied saying she’s to fucking hungover to deal with this shit. Shock AIBU to let this friendship go? I don’t know if I can forgive.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 23/10/2017 10:42

A friend of 20+ years, I'd forgive the nights behaviour, it was absolutely shitty, and I'd be pissed off and let them know it.

BUT the... I'm too hungover to deal with 'this shit' would really make me question this friendship, I've fucked up loads in the past, and always felt terrible if I'd upset anyone.

Honestly, how hard would typing.... I'm so sorry, I'm such a dick, I feel awful about it, can we talk tomorrow?..... Have been?

Whinesalot · 23/10/2017 10:42

Don't chase after her. If she comes to you, suitably remorseful then you could give her one last chance - if you want to, that is, as it is so totally out of character. Obviously if it happens again then that is it.

MrsOverTheRoad · 23/10/2017 10:46

Could someone have put something in her drink?

Awomansworkisneverdone · 23/10/2017 10:49

Don’t know about the putting something in her drink ?
I think she just overloaded herself with alcohol.

OP posts:
araiwa · 23/10/2017 10:50

Why are people trying to excuse a violent act against OP?

ohfourfoxache · 23/10/2017 10:51

I wouldn't contact her. She's no friend, op.

wowfudge · 23/10/2017 10:56

Christ OP - she acted like a total shit towards you. Do not chase after her - that would make you a doormat. You really don't need someone like that in your life. Have some self-respect. If she has any conscience, she will contact you.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 23/10/2017 10:56

Op are you really ok with accepting the lack of apology or even acknowledgement and stay her friend? This is not how a true friend behaves! Also I wouldn't go anywhere with her where there is alcohol, your probably not the first person she has hit when drunk and won't be the last.

CoraPirbright · 23/10/2017 10:56

You sound very, very kind and worried about your friend. But maybe (I am so sorry to say this) a tiny bit of a push-over? She assaulted you - frankly she is lucky that you have not contacted the police! And as for the dismissive text the next morning - that makes it even worse! I would be leaving her to contact me and only if it was with a grovelling apology would I even entertain seeing her again. But I would be willing to bet a pound to a penny she will call/text you in a week or so pretending as if nothing has happened.

FeralBeryl · 23/10/2017 11:00

Just wait for the ‘no recollection of it’ to turn up next, she’ll remember everything up until following you out of the club, then a big blank (where she hit you) I’ve seen this so much with people.
Fuck her off, or at least limit your friendship to non alcohol related situations.

Ceto · 23/10/2017 11:01

Not sure that I would call her again in your position, OP - I think the ball is now firmly in her court. If she doesn't contact you off her own bat to apologise, it will speak volumes about her attitude to you.

I'm a little surprised that you're so accepting of the fact that she's usually flirting with other men when you go out with her. She's married and a grown up, she really should have grown out of that sort of behaviour, If she does it because she's unhappy with her marriage, she needs to sort that out.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 23/10/2017 11:01

I'd also think about warning mutual friends to avoid drunken nights out with her. I'd also screenshot that awful text and put it under her uploaded photos of her "great night out"

diddl · 23/10/2017 11:07

She sounds awful.

I would have been tempted to leave her with her ex colleague & his friends tbh.

I'm thinking that the slap was for trying to force her into the taxi?

Caken · 23/10/2017 11:18

She needs to come to you. She hit you, and even when sobered up and aware of what she’d done she couldn’t bring herself to apologise. She was able to text that she was too hungover to deal with you, but not able to say sorry? Nuh uh, no good. She assaulted you, don’t make things easy for her.

DJBaggySmalls · 23/10/2017 11:25

Tell her to collect some pee in a jar to get it tested. It sounds like she was spiked.

SecretSmellies · 23/10/2017 11:31

If she had been spiked, would she not be utterly mortified the day after at her behaviour- or genuinely could not remember it? Either way, the reaction of 'being too hungover for this shit' doesn't sound like someone who either has no clue what went on, or is that embarrassed about it.

But, it's worth exploring further I guess, if the OP wants to.

XJerseyGirlX · 23/10/2017 11:40

I was also gonna suggest that someone may have put something in her drink. Its unfortunately more common than you think these days.

araiwa · 23/10/2017 11:56

Spiked drink Hmm
Drugs Hmm
Stresses Hmm

Or maybe she is a violent scumbag thug that assaulted her friend and deserves locking up. More suggestions for excusing the attacker than suggestions to call the fucking police.

Ffs Angry

GabsAlot · 23/10/2017 12:00

say she was spiked

wouldnt she either be mortified at what happened or if couldnt remember be really upset about it all

not i cant deal with this fucking shit ive got a hangover?

that text says it all

Bambamrubblesmum · 23/10/2017 12:38

In the nicest possible way don't be a doormat.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 23/10/2017 12:44

Complete door mat! I agree that’s why I don’t want to go seeking if she’s ok :(
I didn’t do anything wrong ! But like others have said it’s a very long friendship
Ignore and move on or go see her ? See what the hell is going on in that head of hers

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 23/10/2017 12:44

I wouldn't initiate contact again - her last response would tell me what she really thought of our friendship...

What ever is or isn't going on in her life, doesn't excuse her violence.

littlegrub2 · 23/10/2017 12:49

I would find the fact she hasn’t contacted you yet to apologise or whatever way worse than her slapping you. Don’t contact her first, really don’t..

Bambamrubblesmum · 23/10/2017 12:57

Why would you want to see what's going on in her head? She doesn't give a shit what's going on in your head!

The length of the friendship is irrelevant. Don't muddy the waters.

She assaulted you and then dismissed you via text. You've got your answer for the moment. Back off and see if she apologises to you. If not have healthy boundaries and move on.

araiwa · 23/10/2017 13:04

Maybe the police can get her to talk?