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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend of 20 years assaulted me

133 replies

Awomansworkisneverdone · 22/10/2017 19:21

Absolutely gutted this has happened!
Me and my closest friend went out on a night out last night,the night started brilliantly! Few drinks,dancing the night away.
My friend noticed a old colleague if hers and a few of his friends and pretty much left me to it,at this point I wasn’t that bothered it was 1am and I was ready to go home. I told her I was heading home and do you want to taxi share, she said no going to stay here, I said I didn’t want to leave her there alone with all the men as they starting taunting her one put his lime from his glass down her cleavage. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with all of them, she then said il go home with ** !! The colleague! She then said text “husband” tell him Iv gone home with you!
I refused to go along with it and left pretty angry!
She came down the road, staggering all over the place. I was flagging down a taxi. She walked up to me but fell back falling on her bum I picked her up linked her arm and tried to get her in the taxi!
She pulled her arm from me and slapped me hard in the face muttering something. I looked at her told her fine and left myself !
I burst into tears on the way home!
She’s never been aggressive towards me. Iv known her along time. She’s one of my closest friends.
I told my other half and he told me to wash my hands with her. I texted her this morning saying how much she hurt me and that I was worried about her and asked why she hit me.in that situation I would absolutely retaliate in defence but I couldn’t I was too upset and shocked. She replied saying she’s to fucking hungover to deal with this shit. Shock AIBU to let this friendship go? I don’t know if I can forgive.

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 22/10/2017 19:46

I would expect a massive apology and she should have done that already, hangover or not - she was obviously ridiculously drunk but also miffed that you wouldn't lie for her (well done you!) - wait until you hear from her before you decide what's next

MagicTapeDispenser · 22/10/2017 19:47

To behave like that under the influence of alcohol is one thing, but to show no remorse whatsoever in the cold light of day is another.

I’d struggle to believe she really was my friend after that sort of behaviour.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 22/10/2017 19:47

If she loves attention so much it's time to starve her of yours.

BakerBear · 22/10/2017 19:49

Wow well shes shown her true colours 20 years down the line.

I suspect shes having marriage problems and its turning her into a horrible person.

No way would i have anything to do with her again

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/10/2017 19:49

Some hidden anger or jealousy bubbling away in there, maybe you were unaware.
Anyway, disgusting behaviour, it may hurt, but she's no longer a friend.
I hope you're okay OP. 💐

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 22/10/2017 19:50

I think her behavior was disgraceful and would have strong reservations about continuing this friendship but Ive no idea why on earth texting her husband to tell him would be a good idea Hmm Why? To punish her, make her life difficult? Such an odd suggestion, what she did was out of order but we have no clue what’s going on in her home life that might be contributing to this.

NoodleNinja · 22/10/2017 19:53

Oh it's all your fault OP. She couldn't shag that guy and it's all your fault coz you didn't cover for her!

That seems to be her thinking anyway. You really don't need 'friends' like her. Ditch her and let her know how much of a cunt she is when she finally decides to contact you again.

QueenOfTheSardines · 22/10/2017 19:55

Does she drink? I mean drink drink? Will she even remember it?

Sounds like something is going on with her if she's not usually like this - getting wrecked, falling over, the behaviour with the men... Could've been a night out from some of my mates but when we were about 20. We never walloped each other though.

It's up to you but if she has been a close friend for years then I'd probably wait for dust to settle over a few days and see what happens. If this is out of character which it seems to be then it seems a shame to just cut her off job done that's that. You are right to be utterly livid obviously.

Threehoursfromhome · 22/10/2017 19:55

The 'friend' asked the OP to text the friend's husband to say that friend had gone home with OP, so friend could cop off with the work colleague, CocoPuffsinGodMode it was not the OP's idea to text the husband.

Gemini69 · 22/10/2017 20:03

you're very forgiving OP..

Viviennemary · 22/10/2017 20:03

She is an aggressive thug and you should have no more to do with her ever.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2017 20:06

Just leave it, the fact she is not desparate to apologise to you says it all Shame it took all these years to discover who she really is.

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/10/2017 20:07

I wouldn't forgive, she assaulted you & tried to drag you into lying to her dp.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 22/10/2017 20:10

No she’s not an excessive drinker but does get a little silly sometimes. We all have regrets and mess up but there is no way ild hit anyone!
No I didn’t text her husband and I wouldn’t cover for her. But I wouldn’t involve him either,that’s up to her to deal with it’s not my marriage.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/10/2017 20:10

I'm assuming that she put all the photos onto FB today given that she was with you last night and then very drunk at the end of the night?

So, she was too hungover to properly apologise to you but she wasn't too hunger to put photos on FB. She has her priorities all wrong and if she loses you as a friend then she will deserve to.

I can understand how upset you must be, AWoman, I would be too. I think your idea of leaving her to think about it for a bit is a good one.

Awomansworkisneverdone · 22/10/2017 20:11

Yes that’s exactly what I’m doing.

OP posts:
lookingbeyond40 · 22/10/2017 20:12

How awful for you!

You’ve contacted her, she was rude. Now just leave it until she makes the move. Why should you reach out again? It’s her that needs to sort this out with you.

If it’s any consolation, she’s probably feeling utterly ashamed, anxious, ill and embarrassed. In all honesty she probably can’t remember.

Take care x

JumpingJellybeanz · 22/10/2017 20:15

Ditch her.

MrsMotherHen · 22/10/2017 20:16

that's no friend. I would cut all ties after that.

HotPots63 · 22/10/2017 20:16

I think the fact that she couldn't even be bothered to apologise says it all. You're well shot of her.

HeebieJeebies456 · 22/10/2017 20:18

She then said text “husband” tell him Iv gone home with you!
I bet she's used you as an excuse for shit like this before op - without your knowledge.

Reminds me of an ex-friend i dumped back in my mid 20's.
I'd known her since schooldays and considered us 'very close friends' Hmm
I'd not seen her or heard from her in months, and i get a text from her dad can you tell X... as apparently her phone was switched off and she'd told him she was staying at mine!
So if anything happened to her that night (or all the other times she used me as an excuse) - her parents would be sending the police to my door
I sent her this in the text, she didn't give a shiny shit about my feelings or worry and didn't reply

Turns out she was having an affair and had been using me as 'cover' - only i had known nothing about it!
Luckily she was too wrapped up in herself to see i worked evening shifts in the pub, so when the shit hit the fan i had that to back me up.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/10/2017 20:18

She had no right to ask you to collude in whatever shenanigans she intended to get up to. That's an awful thing to ask you to do.

And to hit you when you were trying to be a good friend to her (you were quite right not to want to leave her) - I'd step back from this relationship and leave it to her to contact you. By then you will have had a chance to decide how you want to proceed (possibly to end the friendship with the least bad feeling) - but I wouldn't be able to forgive something like that.

She behaved badly ignoring you for the men to start off with. Friends don't do that.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 22/10/2017 20:19

Has she posted any photos of you? Could you get them taken don? Or comment underneath "shame you decided to slap me on our great night out" sorry that would be immature, but I would

You sound like a nice person, you deserve better.

notforyou · 22/10/2017 20:23

A couple of things..

She was totally in the wrong hitting you. FACT.

You were being a good friend in
a) not wanting to leave her with mentioned questionable characters.
b) not getting involved in 'cover story' for her ! (Imagine if something bad happened to her and her husband thought she was with you - police involvement etc. )
C) she should have never asked you to cover for her - put you in that position.. (see above)

I would say however, and only you know the answer to this..

Playing devils advocate here but, being her friend of 20 years you would surely know if her behaviour is out of character or not..
Maybe I'm wrong but I just get a feeling through your post that we're not getting the whole story here.

If my 20year+ friend was acting like that , I'd be dragging her home myself. Slap or no slap !

She sounds like she has some major issues going on there and without knowing background it's hard to say..

20 years is a long time. You must have been through / share some memories...

What gives ?

Apologies please because the tone of this post sounds accusatory, it's not meant to be. It's just a friend of 20 years. . Then suddenly Bam ! It's more what's going on with her ? Not excusing her behaviour of course !

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 22/10/2017 20:23

You don’t need a friend like that. I get it that she isn’t usually like that but she also couldn’t care less that she has hit you.