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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Is there a similar forum to MN for men? And if not, why not?

680 replies

Multidimensionalbeing · 22/10/2017 13:42

Because I think there should be.

I don't hate men though it will probably be suggested. I really don't. And I think the forum should be open to anyone who wants to use it for advice.

But....It's becoming increasingly strange around here. We've always had the 'what about the menz?' posters derailing threads talking about the harrassment or abuse of women by pointing out that women do it too..... Though it seems worse recently.

But now it seems that so many threads descend into accusations that men are treated differently on MN and often they are. But surely that's because it has a predominantly female membership? Who will see things from the female perspective?

It seems to me that it's causing division and bun-fighting among posters when I genuinely don't understand why there isn't a similar forum available for men?

Why not?

Why does a man join a predominantly female forum to then point out that they're not being treated like a woman? Or....just sit and watch as the women do it for them?

If there is no where else for them on-line then why not?

I'm sure it's possible.

OP posts:
KrytensNanobots · 22/10/2017 15:37

Male posters don't have to announce they're men. Pick a username that doesn't have "dad" etc in it.

Neither do the mums. Why do female posters feel the need to announce they're a mum too with "mummyof" or "mumto" titles?
Do they get told to stop announcing they're female or why do we need to know you're a mum?

babyturtles · 22/10/2017 15:37

Yes, there is.

www.reddit.com

nameusername · 22/10/2017 15:38

pistonheads?

StickThatInYourPipe · 22/10/2017 15:40

sunandmoonshine

People without children normally find their way here by searching something and it linking to this website. Long before TTC I was using this site for recipes, it isn't all about parenting and had some very useful and entertaining areas which would not matter if you were male / female / parent / not a parent.

Now I am TTC I use this site a lot more and find it helpful.

If you don't want men or women without children to come on here, maybe you should campaign to have all other subjects removed from the website so as not to intice 'the others' to come one here.

silverbell64 · 22/10/2017 15:40

Being a mum is the best thing Ive ever done so if I want to call myself one or tell it to the world I will.

nameusername · 22/10/2017 15:41

Reddit is universal and you can find allsorts of category including raisedbynarcissists and justnomil. I do love r/ukpolitics, r/worldnews and r/politics.

KrytensNanobots · 22/10/2017 15:42

EXACTLY. Like men don't dominate enough in this world, without muscling in on mumsnet!

Muscling in. Hmm
As has been said, it's a parenting forum, and both mums and dads are parents. Both are entitled to be on here.
I'm a mum, and I like the broad spectre of people on here. Men included.
Obviously not ones who are trolls, be they male or female. They should be dealt with the usual way. Doesn't make a shiny difference what "make" they are.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 22/10/2017 15:42

This is a community which aims to Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support (taken from MNHQ's own 'About us' page).

Mumsnet would be a much better place if everyone, male or female, parent or not, remembered the 'knowledge, advice and support' bit. Many posts are more about ignorance, castigating and name calling.

(And no I'm not MNHQ in disguise, just a long term MNer who agrees this place has gone downhill.)

KrytensNanobots · 22/10/2017 15:46

Being a mum is the best thing Ive ever done so if I want to call myself one or tell it to the world I will.

Fair enough. That's exactly a viewpoint that someone with dad in their title would no doubt say.
Why can they not be proud and want to say too? Without shitty posts like "your usernames very look at meeee, I'm a Dad" (not on this thread btw.)

Blockb · 22/10/2017 15:46

As someone said above, I think there's a significant amount of men, who come on deliberately to mansplain and belittle, you can generally spot them a mile of "regards
A man" Hmm "man here" but I don't think there is a problem with men coming just to chat and get parenting advice, but don't try and stomp all over the talk with I R MAN I HERE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU LITTLE WOMEN
As for women who aren't parents, I don't think that's that surprising, many of the popular boards aren't actually related to parenting feminism, food, chat, style and beauty, Aibu etc also some like myself who joined then found out they can't have kids, I'm not going to deregister after that, I find it interesting!

KrytensNanobots · 22/10/2017 15:48

This is a community which aims to Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support (taken from MNHQ's own 'About us' page).Mumsnet would be a much better place if everyone, male or female, parent or not, remembered the 'knowledge, advice and support' bit

Agreed. Smile

silverbell64 · 22/10/2017 15:52

Because I personally don't want to speak to men on here. It's as simple as that. I don't really care whether my point of view is considered right or wrong. It changes a thread.

Goldenbug · 22/10/2017 15:55

If you don't want to use a forum that has men and women on it, why not go join one?

KrytensNanobots · 22/10/2017 15:56

EXACTLY. Like men don't dominate enough in this world, without muscling in on mumsnet!

As I said though, it's just my opinion that I didn't understand why men come here, I wasn't saying 'why don't they all bore off!'

Sorry, but you've just totally contradicted yourself here?

silverbell64 · 22/10/2017 15:57

Well goldenbug, I like this one and just go onto another thread if it gets on my nerves. Simple.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 22/10/2017 16:00

Because I personally don't want to speak to men on here.

Well you will be, whether you know it or not. There is literally no way of preventing men using this site. Even if MNHQ decide to make it a female only site they couldn’t enforce it. There is no way to tell who is male or not. If you choose to use this site you are accepting that there are men here and you will be engaging with them.

stitchglitched · 22/10/2017 16:03

Some issues are specific to women though, do they really require a man's input? I've seen men snark at women describing their birth trauma and was nearly driven off a support thread about a pregnancy related illness a few years ago by a man who came on to to mansplain all about it because his wife had it, before he thankfully fucked off. If men are going to be on here they should learn when their presence on a specific thread might not be necessary or appropriate.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 16:05

Where did manclife go

I want the answer to this too MN has been asked to start a male counterpart to the 'Feminism' section but so far they've failed to do so.

What the hell would that look like

Can't blame mumsnet for not doing the above

silverbell64 · 22/10/2017 16:07

I get that NoCry but over time they reveal and I move on.

BobtheFireman · 22/10/2017 16:07

They bug the shit out of me. Grin
I try to ignore mostly.
There was actually ONE useful man on here a while back - he was handy for DIY information.
The rest I would happily see banned. Not my website, not my rules, so I guess we'll just have to put up with them.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 22/10/2017 16:08

Umm, feminism is for men and women. Do people actually want two feminism boards? Confused

BobtheFireman · 22/10/2017 16:12

No, they want an anti-feminism board.

Creambun2 · 22/10/2017 16:14

More troublesome is the fact than MN is 86.43% middle class.

Gentlygrowingoldermale · 22/10/2017 16:14

I do think there is a correlation between male posters who announce their maleness in their usernames, and how irritating they are.

Should I leave? Or change my user name.

I joined at the time of the referendum when friend mentioned the value of RedToothBrush's post, so I lurked for a long time, enjoying the discussions. Felt I ought to join, had a neutral username because in the political sphere gender didn't appear to be important.

Then I noticed some AIBU threads and thought my contribution might help, but felt it was important to indicate I'm male. A number of female posters, traded out for a younger model, felt they had no future because baggage, having a couple of kids and a few lumps and bumps wouldn't help with dating. I'm eighty, forty years ago I met someone like that (having been rejected by my partner) and we've been together and happy ever since. Isn't that male contribution useful to know? I hope so.

I don't post about subjects of which I've no experience and certainly would never mention women hit men too. On average three women a week are killed by some who is/was significant to them - just doesn't compare.

Didn't realise there was a DadsNet. Just popped over - quite a few females post there wanting a male perspective.

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2017 16:14

Male posters don't have to announce they're men. Pick a username that doesn't have "dad" etc in it. Don't start your posts with "man here" and just join the discussion.

I think a lot of those posters are probably trolls, just trying to whip up more 'anti man' arguments to be honest.

And given that MN is a predominantly female site, I also think many of those trolls are actually females, who know exactly which buttons to push.