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Original poster

to ask why so many people didn't stop to help?

209 replies

willothewisp17 · 22/10/2017 11:16

long story cut short - l was out last night at the threate with my sil and mil, once play had finished we went to wetherspoons, sil got taxi because her feet were sore and me and mil walked.

found a man passed out on the ground (it was cold and raining) made sure he had a pulse and tried to rouse him, he woke up a bit and it was soon discovered he was drunk, his friends had all left him, didn't want an ambulance or the police called because he's known with the police and then passed out again. felt his pockets for a phone to see if we could get someone but he had nothing so we phoned the local police station and they came and helped him up and took him home.

what gets me is in the time when we were phoning the police station (we had moved away from him to do this so he didn't hear and get angry/stressed) so many people walked past him and didn't even bother to stop and see that he was okay! not even a glance! is this normal? I don't think it matters that he was drunk and his own fault he was in that state, he still needed help, we couldn't leave him there in the rain!

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 22/10/2017 11:51

OP for gods sake, have a bit of common sense. Don't ever, ever put your hands in the pockets of a drunk passed out on the street. You have no idea if that person is also a drug user, they may easily have needles in there. Especially after they've already told you they are known to the police.

Luncharmstrong · 22/10/2017 11:51

I’ve stopped many times.
In my corner of Scotland most people do

Luncharmstrong · 22/10/2017 11:52

Well done for showing kindness and please do it again in the future

lovemylover · 22/10/2017 11:55

This happened to me a few months ago, saw a man passed out,half in the road and on the pavement,i didnt touch him ,just rang for police,they were very quick,and knew the man, he apparently jumped out of a window a few weeks earlier, an ambulance arrived and i left, but no one in the houses close by had bothered,even though some walked past

DonkeyOil · 22/10/2017 11:58

I would (and have done) phone the local police on 101(an MN favourite!) to let them know there is a person in need of attention, unless they are obviously injured, in which case, of course phone 999.

With the best will in the world, I don't think I would be taking their pulse or any other close-up intervention, although I do admire people like the op for getting involved.

In our town there has been a recent case of someone being badly beaten up on a night out, while passers-by stood and watched, with some criticism of the lack of any practical support or help for the victim (other than someone calling the police, I presume). I'd like to think I would have intervened in a fight to help the victim, but I fear I may not have done.

pasturesgreen · 22/10/2017 11:59

I'd go as far as saying that it was imprudent for you and your MIL to stop and interact the way you did. Walking past and calling an ambulance or the police from a safe distance, fine, but you had no way to know whether the man would turn violent/aggressive. Plenty of examples given by PP.

I fail to see how all that spiel about having been to theatre, then to Wetherspoon etc. is in any way relevant to your story Hmm

NoKidsTwoCats · 22/10/2017 11:59

If you were helping, likely people thought the matter was in hand.

Personally I find it really irritating when something happens and dozens of people - far more than can possibly be 'helping' - cluster around, I'd be mortified if I'd fallen or something and had a great big group around me.

There's also a well documented phenomenon known as 'bystander apathy' - typically, the majority of people won't want to get involved/will think 'someone else will help' so there could have been an element of that. People could say 'oh, i would help if x scenario happened' but in practice it doesn't happen, so good on you for being in the minority who would!

Medeci · 22/10/2017 11:59

Perhaps you live in a nicer area than me, I often see drunks passed out on the pavement on a saturday night, I hardly notice them and just keep walking.
Would never occur to me to stop, unless they were obviously injured or ill.

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2017 12:02

Actually come to think of it OP

You don't know that people hadn't called an ambulance already, but being a busy Saturday night, there may have been a long wait.

The last time I called an ambulance for a passed out drunk, I sat at the bus stop opposite for about half an hour before it arrived.

I also agree with the PP who said you should never put your hands in their pockets, just incase there are needles in there.

That's the first thing the Police ask before they search someone.

ButchyRestingFace · 22/10/2017 12:06

I have stopped for a passed out overdoser in the recent past and waited until ambulance arrived.

I felt comfortable doing so on that occassion, notwithstanding the presence of his irritating, obstructive druggie mate.

Not saying I would do it on every occasion, depends of my assessment of the situation/risk etc.

In this particular instance, you and MiL were attending to the man. No need for anyone else, unless they’re a medic, to stop.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/10/2017 12:10

I don't know that I'd actually stop, but I'd call someone.

But I might - I can't tell one way or the other without being in the situation.
Not long ago, I drove my son to an extracurricular activity at 6pm, and noticed that one of our local shops was still open (shuts at 5 usually) with all lights on and the door open. So on the way back from dropping him off, I stopped in to check that the owner was ok (I do kind of know him, I go there quite a lot) - he thought it was quite funny, as he was fine, just doing late night stocktaking and clearing up, but I'm glad I did it. Couldn't have forgiven myself if he had been ill/attacked and I had "walked on by".

Multidimensionalbeing · 22/10/2017 12:10

The bystander effect.

And knowing that I do stop and help and have sometimes been the worse off for it. And even if nothing goes wrong in terms of me being assaulted/shouted at/puked on, it still then becomes my responsibility to see it through. I once waited 2 hours in a car park after calling 999 for Police assistance when I had other important stuff to do.

elevenclips · 22/10/2017 12:15

Yes it's normal. People fear for their personal safety. You need to be very careful on a Saturday night in a city centre. I think you were reckless. You did something he asked you not to (call police) and you felt his pockets (people have said why this was not advisable). He could have got violent and you could have been injured or robbed (sometimes these situations are a set up). It's a sad world we live in, but it's fact.

CalamineLotion · 22/10/2017 12:20

I had a 10 month DD and was 6 months pg. Was travelling alone on the boat and paid to sit in the executive lounge. First I grabbed some food onboard then headed to the lounge. Within 20 mins I felt ill and sick. I couldn't leave DD, had stomach cramps and felt very nauseous and couldn't stand up. Then I started being sick, very sick. My DD was crawling around me and trying to comfort me, I was trying to tell her to stay away from me as I was vomiting. It was hideous. Overtime I threw up my poor pg stomach was hurting, the baby was distressed and moving and I was sobbing. Not one fucker helped me, they all just ignored what was happening. No one even acknowledged the situation and the lounge was half full. I will remain disgusted until the end of my days by the lack of empathy from the people in that area.

I admit to double standards, I walk past unconscious drunks,

Walkingthedog46 · 22/10/2017 12:29

You can never assume someone is drunk as I know from experience. I found a man collapsed in the street one Sunday afternoon, near a pub, just after closing time. Presumably people thought he was drunk, as did I initially, but when I went to try and help him and turned him over, it was obvious the poor man had passed away. From the subsequent Inquest, it was reported he had died of a heart attack.

IsThisTheRealYou · 22/10/2017 12:31

I would have phoned for help if I thought the man looked like he was having some sort of medical mergancy but I wouldn't have touched him or checke his pockets. I think that was a reckless thing to do even though I know you meant well.
I don't understand why you were confused that other people didn't stop when you were already there?

MrsOverTheRoad · 22/10/2017 12:32

I had similar in Hackney one night. Young man lying on the pavement, didn't look homeless. OPposite a taxi rank! Nobody helped him.

My friend and I stopped and searched him and he was wearing a diabetic alert bracelet. Ambulance came.

We went over the road and bollocked the taxi rank people.

Original poster
willothewisp17 · 22/10/2017 12:33

pasturegreen why the tone? no, it's not relevant where I was, but I was just painting the whole picture.

as for everyone saying that people may not have stopped because it was clear that we were dealing with it, it wasn't clear, we have moved a good bit away from him to call the local police station incase he did hear and get aggressive.

I feel that I'm actually getting flamed for stopping to help a man in the street!

what worried me is that when we were approaching a firework went off loudly enough to startle both of us and he never ever stirred!

my husbands grandad collapsed in the street with a heart attack and no one came to help him under the assumption that he was drunk. he died.

I wouldn't stop to break up fights.

I just couldn't leave him lying on the cold, wet ground in the rain, in that moment I didn't think 'oh, he could do this that or the next thing to me' all I saw was someone who needed help! he was unconscious enough to not even respond to us once he passed out the second time. it wouldn't have felt right to leave him.

OP posts:
Notanumberuser · 22/10/2017 12:34

I would Phone the police and ambulance but I wouldn’t go near. No way. Never again will I do that.

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2017 12:35

That's awful Walking

But still the chances are if someone's passed out on a pavement on a Saturday night outside a pub, it's very probably alcohol/drug related.

I think calling an ambulance and waiting in the wings is probably the most sensible approach, which is actually what the bystanders may have done in the OP's story.

anonymice · 22/10/2017 12:37

I have had seizures in public twice. No one stopped to help me.

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:37

I feel that I'm actually getting flamed for stopping to help a man in the street!

No, it's because you are basically having a pop at the people who wouldn't. Not that you have been flamed anyway.

Your attitude is a bit "I'm such a good person, why are the rest of you not as good as me?"

Original poster
willothewisp17 · 22/10/2017 12:38

Luncharmstrong I'm from Scotland too!

OP posts:
Notanumberuser · 22/10/2017 12:39

Op. I stopped. I got abuse and almost assaulted. He tried to.

Why are you minimising

Ttbb · 22/10/2017 12:39

I wouldn't have stopped-what if he was violent?

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