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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking teenage dd's friends phones off them if they sleep over?

147 replies

CheckpointCharlie2 · 21/10/2017 22:34

I suspect I am but just need opinions.

Dd has loads of friends stay over. She has just turned 15. If her friends stay round, I get their phones around 11/11.30 and charge them outside her room. I do this so they actually sleep, and because I've read loads of articles about how bad it is to be on social media at all hours for teenagers and the blue light etc etc.

I feel bad now as she was due to have a friend stay tomorrow but is now saying her dad will come and collect her because dd is embarrassed about me taking phones away and doesn't want her friend to stay.
AIBU?

OP posts:

JigglyTuff · 23/10/2017 04:20

I think st 15 I wouldn’t but younger, hell yes.

Read this article; www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-views/until-you-see-someone-go-through-you-cant-connect-it (warning: contains descriptions of grooming and sexual behaviour in children).

Kailoer · 23/10/2017 06:25

You can turn off WiFi if you want, or remove your daughter's phone

Yabu to remove personal items from guests because you think X y or z! Very!

AccidentalyRunToWindsor · 23/10/2017 06:55

I’ve not RTFT but you are being hugely unreasonable.

My 15 DSD would be mortified if we did this, I’m not surprised the other girl doesn’t want to stay over.

AccidentalyRunToWindsor · 23/10/2017 06:59

That said, we don’t take their phones off them when they go to bed on a normal day.

Topseyt · 23/10/2017 08:19

Kailoer, turning Wi-Fi off will not stop smartphones from accessing the internet. Not if signal is reasonable. They will just use their data package.

Why do people think that turning the Wi-Fi off will solve everything?

No, I wouldn't take teenagers' phones away. I wouldn't confiscate the property of a guest, and these people are 15, not 10 or 11.

thecatsthecats · 23/10/2017 08:51

It does make me laugh a little that the stated worry in the OP is 'blue screens/bad for you all night etc', but later followed up by 'endless pizza and coke'.

All I want to do now I'm 28 is go to bed at 10.30, and keep my diet in check! You need to take advantage of the all nighter phase, within reason.

SciFiFan2015 · 23/10/2017 09:17

I think the only way it would be possible to remove mobiles from a bedroom during a sleepover would be if you asked their opinion, offered them the information and allowed them to decide. Treat them the way you’d like to be treated, especially if they are mature and responsible. If you let them know where the phones are and that they can retrieve them at any time then you might find they decide to do without the phones overnight.
They might be delighted to have an excuse to hand them over.
Turning off Wi-fi is one idea - but with phones and 4G that might not stop them getting on the web. My 4G is faster than my Wi-fi.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/10/2017 09:23

Thecats - since when has pizza stopped anyone from getting to sleep? The blue light from devices stops your brain switching off hence not a good idea to have in bedrooms .

zzzzz · 23/10/2017 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/10/2017 09:42

Missing the point entirely that pizza is not a contributing factor

thecatsthecats · 23/10/2017 09:57

Oh the irony of 'missing the point'!

I wasn't saying that pizza stops you getting to sleep. I was saying that it's ironic that the OP got herself het up about one unhealthy thing whilst happily providing another. Though actually coke will also stop you sleeping.

Besides, as a one off, a teenager being a bit sleepy the next day is surely par for the course and the sign of a good time had. Keeping blue light and screen time in check is sensible as the norm, but are all these people fretting about it really saying that they NEVER do anything that will impact their sleep? Get an early flight, have a long commute, watch just one more episode, have a drink or three too many?

zzzzz · 23/10/2017 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/10/2017 10:37

Jeez this addiction to our mobile phones is just scary

Original poster

CheckpointCharlie2 · 23/10/2017 11:39

They self policed in the end and turned their own phones off at 12.30!

And they didn't drink any coke! but did eat shed loads of pizza

All's well. Except I embarrassed her by talking during X factor. Sigh.

OP posts:

Kailoer · 23/10/2017 20:50

i suggested that the OP turns off the wifi access because if the teens decide to use their data connection, then that's their perogative.

i think OP does have a right to control her own household services (wifi) but not take away a guest phone (or prevent them from using their data connection).

it's a fine point but an important one IMHO

skaffler · 29/10/2017 20:44

Psychological fact.

If someone is trying to steal your car, let the police deal with it. It's a car, more chance of you being injured/killed trying to prevent it.

Buy an alarm clock.

Ethylred · 29/10/2017 20:46

YABAnnoying

Parmesanity · 29/10/2017 20:49

We have a no phones/gadgets in bedrooms after 9pm usually. We took DS's friend's (11 nearly 12) phone out of the room during recent sleepover...we thought that was reasonable...so what age do we stop?

I genuinely don't know, but I do know I don't like the idea of phones in a bedroom overnight...

notacooldad · 29/10/2017 22:09

If someone is trying to steal your car, let the police deal with it. It's a car, more chance of you being injured/killed trying to prevent it

buy an alarm clock

If that was a reference to my earlier post about our work vehicle being alarmed through the phone I just want to point out it's not a car.

It is our business vehicle secured on our land. We had one van and contents stolen a few years ago. The value was more than £120,000. Sure it was insured but we lost weeks and weeks of work and never got the full value back or recouped lost earnings so we upped our security even more than before.
So for the sake of having a phone in the room that doesn't bother us and knowing we can be straight on to the police as soon as the call comes in it's a no brainier.
I've had an alarm clock. They are great until you have a power cut and they don't reset themselves and beside there is a glow from the clock anyway.

My point was a broad statement was made that phones shouldn't be in a bed room. My point is one size doesn't fit all. We haven't got sleeping issues and the phone is quite happy on the bedside cabinet!

notacooldad · 29/10/2017 22:12

Another reason why I am more than happy to have phones in the bedroom is if in case DS' decide to stop out all night or are running late especially when they have been working away.
We usually go to bed about midnight and it's reassuring to have a text of them even if it is silly o'clock.

I probably wouldn't here the phone if it was left out of the room.

Topseyt · 29/10/2017 22:39

I agree with notacooldad.

I would add that I feel safer with phones being in the bedroom at night. If, god forbid, fire or any other problem should occur downstairs at night, we would be able to call emergency services . Our landline has no working extension line in the bedroom. Not a problem with mobile phones.

I have an alarm clock. I can't be arsed to set it as it is quite fiddly so prefer my phone.

Nor do I have a problem with my DDs having their phones in their rooms, for similar reasons. Youngest is 15. Eldest two are 22 and 19.

Scabbersley · 29/10/2017 22:42

Glad it went well OP. Fwiw, at 15 I would deffo allow phones. I don't at primary age

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