Taking teenage dd's friends phones off them if they sleep over?

[CheckpointCharlie2]

I suspect I am but just need opinions.

Dd has loads of friends stay over. She has just turned 15. If her friends stay round, I get their phones around 11/11.30 and charge them outside her room. I do this so they actually sleep, and because I've read loads of articles about how bad it is to be on social media at all hours for teenagers and the blue light etc etc.

I feel bad now as she was due to have a friend stay tomorrow but is now saying her dad will come and collect her because dd is embarrassed about me taking phones away and doesn't want her friend to stay.
AIBU?

I wouldn't be very happy if my DD went for a sleepover and the other parent took her phone away!

(struggling a bit with Rachie and phone calls at 2 AM. Surely only if their legs are falling off or something?! My whole plan if DD is at a sleepover is that the other parent/s is/are in loco parentis, and there is no way I want to be woken up at 2 AM for anything other than life or death. Fifth child syndrome, maybe. If DD starts that kind of nonsense, she can stay at home. [evil mother smiley thingy]

Enforcing your house rules on a school night with your kids is one thing, but on a weekend with other peoples is a bit odd.

I agree. I wouldn't be too happy either.

DD has asthma and is also one of those that doesn't do away from home a lot. I wouldn't be happy that she wasn't allowed to keep it.

Can you just say you'll be turning the WiFi off at x o clock? I do this with my niece (15) when she stays here. She knows the WiFi foes off at 11pm and she'll settle.

P.s OP. I know you said you're uncomfortable with them having their phones all night, but it wont stop them being awake. There was no mobile phones when I was a kid and we'd still be up with our best friends at 2am pissing pur friends parents off

Turn off your wifi ;)

They soon stop when they realize they have to use their own 4g.

YABU to impose this kind of rule, based on judgement, on other people's children.

Sure there is a "my house my rules" element for any child who comes to visit my house, but these are about behaviour and safety. If they sleep over, they can do whatever makes them comfortable. I wouldn't dream of telling other people's teenagers they can't have their phones at bedtime. And in that situation I'd allow my girl to have hers, despite any other rule I have to the contrary.

This was not about them having a good night's sleep for the one night they were there, it was about you making a judgement on their usual habits. That's not on.

I would be more worried about the impact of coke on their ability to sleep! I know if i have one after 3pm I won't be getting to sleep until 2am or later. Coke is a bitch to teeth too!

I would be angry with you if you did that, they are 15 not 11, at 16 they can legally move out, treating like a younger child is not helpful.
I've never even thought about what devices my 15yr old DC friends bring into the house. And I'd never date attempt to remove their things from them.
What's the problem with them staying awake late/all night, that's part of being 15! It's not a school night so let them sleep tomorrow, dcs friends usually go home around 8/9am after being awake all night to sleep at home.

Hmmm RJ yep I think that's right, maybe time to move on! And auresevoire snap, 9.30 is the normal school night time for phones to go!

And JonSnowsWife you are right. and I'm watching kit Harrington right now on catch up phwoar

dd And all of her friends have phones with a data allowance so turning WiFi off wouldn’t stop them using internet anyway.

Dd is 12 and knows full well what’s expected of her re internet use and has done for a while. Saying that some of her friends behaviour online is shocking so imo, as long as your dd is sensible and doesn’t have form for abusing the internet, same with her friend, I’d relax that rule for one night.

Yeh I think I'm being a bit dictatorial so will try to chill the fuck out about it now.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. What do they do with their phones at sleepovers? Shouldn't they spend time with eachother instead? Can't they use your phone if there's a problem? They'd have to tell you anyway.

I think it's extremely unreasonable to confiscate a guest's personal property, end of.

I think it way to forget they are getting older!

Sorry - I think it's easy...

I totally get where you're coming from. DS is 13 and I take phones away from the boys I know through their parents, if that makes sense. So the kids I've known forever, since pre-school. The 'new' high school friends I can't police like that, so actually only have rare 'weekend into holiday' sleepovers with them where going to bed on time doesn't matter.

weird. they're not going to prison, theyre going for a sleepover - in which no one ever sleeps anyway

ricotta yes they normally Snapchat each other anyway! So being together should mean they don't need to! But I get they chat away with other kids.
And YY Lonny early holiday sleepovers is the way to go!

Don't do it. Unless of course you never want to have another sleepover.

Sleepovers at that age involve no sleep whatsoever anyway and the friends' phones aren't yours to confiscate.

Difficult, I can see why you'd want to do it and I agree about avoiding the Instagram posts etc but I don't think it's reasonable to take their phones away. I'd be annoyed if a parent, without prior agreement from me, were to take my DCs phone away when they were on a sleepover.

It's your house, your rules. I think you are right to have some phone discipline. It's not an extra limb and as for teenagers being responsible. Ha. what a laugh. If they were being responsible they'd turn them off instead of staying up half the night instagramming photos of themselves.

Unfortunately the general tone here of let them do what they want only serves to highlight the poor implementation of overall responsibility. Screens do not belong in the bedroom. Period.

No, YABU to take a visiting 15 year old’s phone away.

Your own DC’s phone is up to you, but it would be incredibly embarrassing for her!

Yabu. It's somebody else's property.

I wouldn’t take a phone off visiting child, whatever age. Whenever we’ve had friends over their parents call them to check all is well neither would I!

skaffler I am you! But in this instance I think I have to back down a bit if it's embarrassing dd.

Having said that she's just called me and DH weirdos as she's had the world's longest bath (from ten till now) and flounced off because we didnt jump to make her a hot water bottle. Surely midnight is late enough to roll out the bath!!?

My children are younger and I didn’t have a mobile as a teenager so I’m really shocked that most people think YABU. I would definitely have said YANBU. They really should stay at home if they can’t last the night from 11 without their mobiles! I’m dreading the teenage years and social media.