Am I a CF?

[CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate]

Situation is this: I need a new slow cooker. The one I have just about feeds all 3 of us (me, DH and DD) but as DD is getting older and a bigger appetite it won't do.

My DM said she'd buy me one for Christmas, I enquired about budget and once I knew the budget started searching.

I've absolutely fallen in love with one, and sent the link to my DM. It's £20 under her suggested budget which means she'll probably buy a few extra small presents for DD, is larger than the one I have and has things like a delay timer which will be useful when I need to get DD to appointments and want it ready for when we get home. I thought it was a bargain.

When I sent it to my DM I said if she did buy that one could I have it in Silver so it matched the rest of the appliances in my kitchen. DM has not said if she's getting me that one and I will have to wait until Christmas Eve in my family we do extended family presents on Christmas Eve so the actual day is spent with immediate family to find out if I get the one I want or she might find a similar/different model. Knowing my DM she'll buy it me, as she'd much rather get me/DBro what we want for Christmas as a main present as we're adults now.

DH has just said i'm a cheeky fucker for asking for something specific and telling her what colour I want. He said I should of let my mum have the joy of picking me one and choosing the colour, in fact I was UR to even say I wanted a Slow Cooker as it's up to my mum what she wants to buy me.

So AIBU and a CFer? Or DH just a joy sucker because PIL don't bother with big presents for DH anymore - he gets a book and a DVD and that's it, they do spend a lot on DD though.

Your DH is daft.

I'm thinking of getting a slow cooker - can you link the one you are getting, please?

My mum would ask me to buy the one I wanted and give it to her to wrap.
I am more than happy to do this for her!

You are not a CF.

Your DH is just having a go because you wouldn't buy him his PS4 I bet. I lost the old thread. You stuck to your guns I hope.

Definitely not a CF. I wish people we buy for would be as specific in what they wanted as gifts. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier!

Oh God, is this the bloke who was wanting to spend all your winnings on a new XBox/PS4 for himself, instead of paying off credit cards? Any leftovers, you wanted to spend on something nice for your dd?
But nothing for yourself. There's a pattern emerging here.

Yes my DH is the one who wanted to spend my raffle money on a PS4.

I did stick to my guns though and the credit card is cleared as I just transferred the money from my account to the CC, however he's still being a bit awkward about the overdraft and won't ring the bank to sort it - they won't speak to me as it's his account. DDs toy kitchen has been ordered though, I went for the one in Asda in the end, she's going to love it!

I do 90% of the cooking, and the slow cooker is a convenience thing for me, as because of DDs extra needs I sometimes spend full days out if the house and so I put the slow cooker on so I don't need to worry about cooking when I get in - so yet again my present benefits the entire family, but I feel like that's my job as a mother - to ensure that everything benefits DD in some way.

I've asked for the Morphy Richards Sear and Stew 3.5L.

Sure it benefits the whole family. You're clearly doing your best for your dd. I'm just wondering who's looking out for you, as it seems clear that your dp isn't.

I've learnt that it's life, as long as DD is sorted out and happy then I'm ok.

But honestly my slow cooker present has nothing really to do with my priority in the family because I really don't like getting gifts, that's why I always go for something practical so at least I'll get some use out of it.

I thought you were going to say that you want it now and not wait for Xmas. That would be being a CF

No-one even bothers with my birthday anymore because there's hard ever anything I want plus DDs birthday is a week after mine and I'd rather people saved to spend the money on her.

I understand you don’t like getting gifts but he could put some thought into showing he appreciates you. Your bday for eg, he could cook a special meal for you, him and dd and do all the dishes afterwards while you have a long hot bath or something. He doesn’t have to buy you expensive gifts at Christmas, or any gift if you don’t want but he could give you some help, he could be involved in at least planning and wrapping his own child’s gifts with you. It sounds like he takes you for granted. How does he show he values you? Does he pitch in with dd and around the home during the year?

I haven’t read your previous thread but I’m guessing you won a raffle and wanted to use your winnings to clear debts, but he wanted you to not clear debts and buy him a PS4? You think he’s now being arsey because you priotorised paying bills rather than stay in debt and buy him a console? And he’s calling you the cheeky fucker? I love my gaming but I wouldn’t try to make husband use his winnings to buy me a console, there’s absolutely no way I’d be getting arsey because he’s used his winnings to clear our bills either. If you’d bought him it he sounds selfish enough to expect to be playing hours on end while you do all the parenting?

Dh wins a lot playing poker online, if there’s bills or debts, they get paid first, then if dd needs clothes etc, they get bought, then if anything in house needs replacing then he’ll do that, on the rare occasion there’s nothing needed we will have a day out together as a family. He wants everyone to benefit in the rare occasions there’s spare money and something more important isn’t needed.

The joy of picking someone else's slow cooker colour.

I am not into stuff and don't care about presents, but I still don't think you were a CF. I am sure she would rather get you something you love than something you didn't like so much.

Not a cf at all.

I really appreciate people telling me exactly what they want. Saves me wasting my money on something that's shoved into the back of the cupboard or given to school for the tombola.

Your mum sounds lovely.

Youre not a CF, but this is the very reason firstly my late DP,GP, and later my DH said no presents apart from DKs, it causes agro, you get stuff you dont want, you give stuff people dont,want,like,need, waste of time/money. By the time various aunts,etc got married had families, there were 30 odd of us at GPs house for Christmas, no one was offended upset y presents for kids only we still had a great time. Married someone with big family, credit card every year, 6 months to pay back, (they only bought for our DD) not my older KDs from previous marriage.MIL openly said she didnt like the presents we had spent ages over, so one year we announced we werent buying presents anymore, she was furious, didnt speak to us for nearly 2 years. It completely ruined Christmas, I would be crying my eyes out feeling ill by October of each year. DH had a huge drawer (when I met him) of stuff his family had given him that didnt fit, he was too embarrased to say and wouldnt get rid of.

Baffled by people bitching that a slow cooker isn't a good/appropriate present! I always ask for this sort of stuff for Christmas (I've actually asked for a slow cooker this year) - it's mostly stuff I'm surviving without and therefore does feel like a bit of a luxury, a 'want' not a 'need' iyswim. If we desperately needed something then yes we'd buy it out of the household budget.

The OP already has a decent slow cooker, so this new one is just a little extra; if her mum is anything like mine, she'll get a lot of satisfaction in knowing that OP was getting something that genuinely improved her life, and which would keep the family fed for years.

ZOMBIE THREAD 🧟‍♀️

Your family, your dynamics.

I'd much rather be got and get what I'd like and need. I have one relative who's very left field and comes up with the most barking mad presents. I really wish she'd ask or take note instead of wasting her hard earned.

Definitely not a CF. We write lists in our family, so there is still a surprise of not knowing who will be buying what.

My dad's list always comes complete with the name of the shop and with shops like Argos also has the catalogue page number and the item code so you get the exact one he wants! It makes present shopping so much better.

Different families have different traditions - in some it would be rude to ask for a specific gift in others it's the done thing.. I think with a big gift it makes sense for people to get you the one you actually want. My mum has a habit of buying things that just don't work for us (e.g. a huge bread maker I don't have space for) and it's such a hassle - I'd much rather she got us nothing!

Not a CF. Your DM asked what you wanted and gave you a budget so it’s fine for you to say what you want. I’d rather know exactly what to get than have to guess a risk getting the wrong thing.
It’s only rude to ask for things if no one has asked you first and you are being presumptuous.

So did you get a slow cooker op? We need to know

Nope not cheeky at all!! My mum always asks what I want for Xmas and bdays, likewise I ask her/my step dad same thing when it comes to her bday and Xmas pressies.

Zombie thread!!

I don’t know how this was resurrected. I saw it in trending earlier and noticed that it was an old thread but there hadn’t been any posts on it since October last year so no idea why it was in trending. When I see an old thread I always scroll down and see why it was resurrected so was surprised to see no-one had posted on it. Maybe that is why we have a lot of zombie threads. People think they are current as they are in trending so post on them.

Seriously @nannybeach how and why did you resurrect this thread?!

And @CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate - we need an update. Obviously.

@Peridot1 see my above post. It was in trending with no new posts.