Am I a CF?

[CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate]

Situation is this: I need a new slow cooker. The one I have just about feeds all 3 of us (me, DH and DD) but as DD is getting older and a bigger appetite it won't do.

My DM said she'd buy me one for Christmas, I enquired about budget and once I knew the budget started searching.

I've absolutely fallen in love with one, and sent the link to my DM. It's £20 under her suggested budget which means she'll probably buy a few extra small presents for DD, is larger than the one I have and has things like a delay timer which will be useful when I need to get DD to appointments and want it ready for when we get home. I thought it was a bargain.

When I sent it to my DM I said if she did buy that one could I have it in Silver so it matched the rest of the appliances in my kitchen. DM has not said if she's getting me that one and I will have to wait until Christmas Eve in my family we do extended family presents on Christmas Eve so the actual day is spent with immediate family to find out if I get the one I want or she might find a similar/different model. Knowing my DM she'll buy it me, as she'd much rather get me/DBro what we want for Christmas as a main present as we're adults now.

DH has just said i'm a cheeky fucker for asking for something specific and telling her what colour I want. He said I should of let my mum have the joy of picking me one and choosing the colour, in fact I was UR to even say I wanted a Slow Cooker as it's up to my mum what she wants to buy me.

So AIBU and a CFer? Or DH just a joy sucker because PIL don't bother with big presents for DH anymore - he gets a book and a DVD and that's it, they do spend a lot on DD though.

Not a g2g, when giving gifts I would rather know exactly what the receiver would like.

Not cf at all, I’d much rather have specific details from people. Love it now my ds sends me a link to what he wants.
If you stay near me you can have my slow cooker, I have only used it once, just can’t get into it at all

Not cheeky at all. Your dh seems a bit confused. The main joy of giving is to make the recipient happy (by getting them the right thing). The joy isn't choosing the colour of an appliance you'll never own

that Because there's nothing I really want plus DH will leave it until the last minute, I usually just choose myself something cheap from him like a candle or a toiletries set as I prefer to give rather than receive.

Not a CF

your mum asked what you wanted, you asked the budget, you told her what you wanted within that budget

I'm sure your mum was glad to know she's buying something that's exactly what you want

Not a CF at all.

Christmas would be so much simpler if people just said what they wanted.

But before your certain have a think about a instant pot or a pressure king pro multi cooker.

I dont cook but people rave about them to me and I’ve actually switched our re accomadation packs from containing a slow cooker to one of those and service users are thrilled!

I ask my DDs who are grown ups to send me their lists with web links in plenty of time, at a range of prices. I then choose what to buy from their lists, they don't know what gifts exactly they are getting, just that it's something they have requested. It makes everyone's life so much better! They now do the same with me.
As children, they wrote lists but had no idea until Christmas morning what they were getting. Can't stand that children know weeks in advance what their presents are going to be!

No, this is one of those situations (blood relative who wants to buy something to help you put financially so would appreciate that you've sent a link so that she gets the right thing) where this is ok.

I prefer to give rather than receive.

Really? It's not a bad thing to receive nice gifts - but when loved ones put thought and care into what they're giving you. If your husband seriously thinks that going out last-minute on Christmas Eve is all you're worth (and you go along with that) and your own mother gives you an appliance for your wife-work, then I can see why you think that gifts are over-rated.

Why do you not think you're worth nice things? And before you bat that question away with pulling the "I'm unselfish" card, it's not just about "nice" (as in expensive) things. My best gift ever from dh was when he gave me a CD last year of my all-time favourite songs that he'd sourced and recorded, with a carefully-designed sleeve that he knew I'd love, so that I had something to listen to to cheer me up when driving long-distance to visit my terminally-ill mother. I cried when I opened it.

Very disappointed Curlywurly. Do not pure me in with the promise of a jury CF thread then it turns out you are NOT even a CF.

Does your MIL tell you what she'd like for Christmas? What about your husband?

I'd far rather get my children exactly what they want - what's the point in spending money on something that isn't quite right?

My mum buys me clothes. I tell her exactly what I want because I'd never wear what she chose for me. She bought me a coat, jumper and boots this year.

that I've never liked receiving ever. As a child I remember my DM taking me to buy presents for my DBro and friends and finding that exciting but never really liking receiving.

My DM has asked for something specific this year that my DBro and I have shared the cost of as I know she's going to love it although she'll moan we've spent a lot of money on her and we shouldn't have.

DH has a wish list all year round that he adds to as things that he want are released etc. He;s desperate for a PS4 this year (see previous thread) but we can't afford it, so I've chosen a few other items in budget that are on his wish list so he gets what he wants.

No, you're not a CF but me on the other hand. My DM tells us to buy something we want for Christmas but if clothes we are not to wear them beforehand as she wants to wrap them up so we can feign delight and surprise on Christmas Day.

One year I got myself a powder blue, long wool coat with a "fur" trimmed hood. I was going to Cologne Christmas market and decided to wear the coat. When I got back I presented the coat for her to wrap. A few days later she asked me if I had worn the coat. "No Mother" I lied. "That's funny". She said "because there was a shop receipt in the pocket, in German". Oops rumbled.

Not got a MIL, but my DM has already bought my coffee machine I wanted (in white) from the Amazon link I sent her. This year we set a £50 for all of the adults. The machine was £49.99. I know she's bought me some pods to go with it as we get VAT off being in the CI... however those she's picked herself

My bro and Sil have sent me links to what they'd like and my mum and dad have also said as a joint pressie what they'd like.

It does take the element of surprise out but everyone gets what they want and Christmas for us is mostly about the kids and the food anyway

YANBU, and furthermore YANACF :) Different families have different approaches to these things. I usually ask my nearest and dearest if there's anything specific they'd like; if not then I have to cudgel my poor brain for something appropriate. For the (adult) DC I usually get them a side present or a handful of tiny extras. That way, if the main gift fails to please there's another chance to get it right.

I don't see how that's cheeky but personally I wouldn't have asked how much she was planning to spend on me.

In my family we all make an Amazon wish list each and send each other the links, so we must be a whole family of CFs then! 😁

Not cheeky at all. I'd much rather give something that I know would be appreciated by the recipient than give them something that they don't need or want! We do wishlists in my family now and it makes like soooo much easier.

Nope, you’re not a CF, think your DP is by letting you buy your own present.
He has 365 days between each Christmas to plan, and buy, for the next one

At least you get something you want though

Not at all cheeky. We do similar in my family. I usually ask for a particular blusher or some other cosmetics as they are what I want and need and I am thrilled to get them. Last year my sister asked me to buy her some skincare stuff that she uses.

I have two grown up daughters, always ask for Christmas lists, 10 items each, what's the point of getting them things they don't want or like. Have done this since they were about 14.

My mum was the same. She worked really hard for her money and liked to know that presents would be used and enjoyed. She used to make me tell her what I'd like and when she gave me money she would demand that it be spent on me and not go on general household expenses.

You're def not a cf. Ignore your dh.

Nah, if everyone's happy why is it cheeky? Me and my OH send each other and Amazon or eBay link!

And for those saying it's not right to get a household item for Christmas - why on earth not? My last ever Christmas present from my late DM was much needed jump leads! And my OH got me a panini press once, which remains the best present he's ever given me 😊

I don't think your being a cf
However I also don't understand how you could shop for anyone without a list.
I've already added everything on my Xmas list to my dm Amazon basket so she can pick and choose what she wants to buy me.