Am I a CF?

[CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate]

Situation is this: I need a new slow cooker. The one I have just about feeds all 3 of us (me, DH and DD) but as DD is getting older and a bigger appetite it won't do.

My DM said she'd buy me one for Christmas, I enquired about budget and once I knew the budget started searching.

I've absolutely fallen in love with one, and sent the link to my DM. It's £20 under her suggested budget which means she'll probably buy a few extra small presents for DD, is larger than the one I have and has things like a delay timer which will be useful when I need to get DD to appointments and want it ready for when we get home. I thought it was a bargain.

When I sent it to my DM I said if she did buy that one could I have it in Silver so it matched the rest of the appliances in my kitchen. DM has not said if she's getting me that one and I will have to wait until Christmas Eve in my family we do extended family presents on Christmas Eve so the actual day is spent with immediate family to find out if I get the one I want or she might find a similar/different model. Knowing my DM she'll buy it me, as she'd much rather get me/DBro what we want for Christmas as a main present as we're adults now.

DH has just said i'm a cheeky fucker for asking for something specific and telling her what colour I want. He said I should of let my mum have the joy of picking me one and choosing the colour, in fact I was UR to even say I wanted a Slow Cooker as it's up to my mum what she wants to buy me.

So AIBU and a CFer? Or DH just a joy sucker because PIL don't bother with big presents for DH anymore - he gets a book and a DVD and that's it, they do spend a lot on DD though.

[MeMeMeow85]

Not at all cheeky. Totally sensible. I write a Christmas list with links/sizes/colours and email it to DH for him to buy for me. We’re both happy then.

My PILs always buy us the most pointless, unwanted gifts that I mostly return for store credit where possible. They never want any suggestions, as they like buying “surprises”. We were at their house last Christmas, they bought DC1 a massive box of train tracks...without remembering to buy any trains to go with it. Obviously a 2 year old loves that 😂

[KindergartenKop]

Yabu you should have chosen a 'sear n stew' because there is less washing up.

[BloodyDisgrace]

I think a specific colour is somewhat pushing the luck too far. It's not clothes, just some kitchen appliance, so I personally would have not minded not matching colour. It's what it does which matters.

I don't like CF term so wouldn't use it, but I do think it's a bit unrealistic/unreasonable.

[TawnyTeal]

@Peridot1
This is the 3rd zombie thread I've seen now that was trending without new posts....

[JustTheLemons]

This is 100% about dynamics.

My mum hates lists, and has been known to not buy something she was planning on getting if someone requests it later- which to me is bizarre!

Meanwhile, my MIL is totally reliant on my amazon wish list, and last year messaged my OH in November asking him to give me a prod and update my list as it was looking a bit sparse and she didn’t know what to get.

Horses for courses! Just tell your OH it’s how your family works and to hush up!

[ohhelloitsyou]

I absolutely cannot stand people who don't give me any idea of what they want for presents. Wish lists are my best friend.
I hate the idea that I have to go out and search for something without so much as a hint of what to get people and wonder if I'm making some sort of faux pas or if I'm wasting my money because they won't need or like the present.
I think we should all have amazon wish lists at all times in case someone decides to buy you something. That way, the buyer has a selection to choose from (in a variety of price brackets) whilst knowing the recipient will actually be grateful to receive it.

[deepsea]

Not cheeky in the least.

Different families have different styles at christmas, I don't really think it is for your dh to say what is right or wrong between you and your mum though!!! Bloody cheek.

I would always much prefer to buy someone something they like including the colour! A slow cooker has it limits in terms of joy though unless you have a VERY boring life :)

[Peridot1]

How weird MagentaRocks. Had Nannybeach posted when you looked?

I’ll report it and see what MN say. Very strange to trend zombie threads.

[Troels]

Not Cheeky, I make my grown up Ds's send me actual links to things they want for Christmas and Birthdays, not much point buying something thats not the right one.

[MagentaRocks]

@Peridot1 see my above post. It was in trending with no new posts.

[Peridot1]

Seriously @nannybeach how and why did you resurrect this thread?!

And @CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate - we need an update. Obviously.

[MagentaRocks]

I don’t know how this was resurrected. I saw it in trending earlier and noticed that it was an old thread but there hadn’t been any posts on it since October last year so no idea why it was in trending. When I see an old thread I always scroll down and see why it was resurrected so was surprised to see no-one had posted on it. Maybe that is why we have a lot of zombie threads. People think they are current as they are in trending so post on them.

[manybirdsnests]

Zombie thread!!

[SnapAndFartAllDayLong]

Nope not cheeky at all!! My mum always asks what I want for Xmas and bdays, likewise I ask her/my step dad same thing when it comes to her bday and Xmas pressies.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

So did you get a slow cooker op? We need to know

[gamerwidow]

Not a CF. Your DM asked what you wanted and gave you a budget so it’s fine for you to say what you want. I’d rather know exactly what to get than have to guess a risk getting the wrong thing.
It’s only rude to ask for things if no one has asked you first and you are being presumptuous.

[TwoOddSocks]

Different families have different traditions - in some it would be rude to ask for a specific gift in others it's the done thing.. I think with a big gift it makes sense for people to get you the one you actually want. My mum has a habit of buying things that just don't work for us (e.g. a huge bread maker I don't have space for) and it's such a hassle - I'd much rather she got us nothing!

[CornishMaid1]

Definitely not a CF. We write lists in our family, so there is still a surprise of not knowing who will be buying what.

My dad's list always comes complete with the name of the shop and with shops like Argos also has the catalogue page number and the item code so you get the exact one he wants! It makes present shopping so much better.

[MrsMozart]

Your family, your dynamics.

I'd much rather be got and get what I'd like and need. I have one relative who's very left field and comes up with the most barking mad presents. I really wish she'd ask or take note instead of wasting her hard earned.

[flowerythorns]

ZOMBIE THREAD 🧟‍♀️

[ladycarlotta]

Baffled by people bitching that a slow cooker isn't a good/appropriate present! I always ask for this sort of stuff for Christmas (I've actually asked for a slow cooker this year) - it's mostly stuff I'm surviving without and therefore does feel like a bit of a luxury, a 'want' not a 'need' iyswim. If we desperately needed something then yes we'd buy it out of the household budget.

The OP already has a decent slow cooker, so this new one is just a little extra; if her mum is anything like mine, she'll get a lot of satisfaction in knowing that OP was getting something that genuinely improved her life, and which would keep the family fed for years.

[nannybeach]

Youre not a CF, but this is the very reason firstly my late DP,GP, and later my DH said no presents apart from DKs, it causes agro, you get stuff you dont want, you give stuff people dont,want,like,need, waste of time/money. By the time various aunts,etc got married had families, there were 30 odd of us at GPs house for Christmas, no one was offended upset y presents for kids only we still had a great time. Married someone with big family, credit card every year, 6 months to pay back, (they only bought for our DD) not my older KDs from previous marriage.MIL openly said she didnt like the presents we had spent ages over, so one year we announced we werent buying presents anymore, she was furious, didnt speak to us for nearly 2 years. It completely ruined Christmas, I would be crying my eyes out feeling ill by October of each year. DH had a huge drawer (when I met him) of stuff his family had given him that didnt fit, he was too embarrased to say and wouldnt get rid of.

[Myheartbelongsto]

Not a cf at all.

I really appreciate people telling me exactly what they want. Saves me wasting my money on something that's shoved into the back of the cupboard or given to school for the tombola.

Your mum sounds lovely.

[Leilaniii]

The joy of picking someone else's slow cooker colour.

I am not into stuff and don't care about presents, but I still don't think you were a CF. I am sure she would rather get you something you love than something you didn't like so much.

[DoubleDinghyRapids]

No-one even bothers with my birthday anymore because there's hard ever anything I want plus DDs birthday is a week after mine and I'd rather people saved to spend the money on her.

I understand you don’t like getting gifts but he could put some thought into showing he appreciates you. Your bday for eg, he could cook a special meal for you, him and dd and do all the dishes afterwards while you have a long hot bath or something. He doesn’t have to buy you expensive gifts at Christmas, or any gift if you don’t want but he could give you some help, he could be involved in at least planning and wrapping his own child’s gifts with you. It sounds like he takes you for granted. How does he show he values you? Does he pitch in with dd and around the home during the year?

I haven’t read your previous thread but I’m guessing you won a raffle and wanted to use your winnings to clear debts, but he wanted you to not clear debts and buy him a PS4? You think he’s now being arsey because you priotorised paying bills rather than stay in debt and buy him a console? And he’s calling you the cheeky fucker? I love my gaming but I wouldn’t try to make husband use his winnings to buy me a console, there’s absolutely no way I’d be getting arsey because he’s used his winnings to clear our bills either. If you’d bought him it he sounds selfish enough to expect to be playing hours on end while you do all the parenting?

Dh wins a lot playing poker online, if there’s bills or debts, they get paid first, then if dd needs clothes etc, they get bought, then if anything in house needs replacing then he’ll do that, on the rare occasion there’s nothing needed we will have a day out together as a family. He wants everyone to benefit in the rare occasions there’s spare money and something more important isn’t needed.