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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairzilla 2

405 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 21/10/2017 11:08

Thankyou so much for so much support over the previous threads.

I thought a lot about how to respond to F1.
I told her without a proper talk I dont think I can put it behind us.
She suggested we meet up tonight after Ive finished work so we can talk properly.
F2&3 have agreed to be there so another repeat of her flying off the handle doesnt happen.

This time around Im hoping for an explaination and an apology now shes had time to calm down.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 21/10/2017 13:37

Just read the previous threads

I can't believe the CF!!

Good luck for tonight OP x

RaeSkywalker · 21/10/2017 13:38

Good luck! You’re a far better person than I am.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/10/2017 13:40

Fingers crossed that this goes well, @KungFu. I hope that she can acknowledge that this situation was ALL of her making, and that you have done nothing wrong whatsoever. I am afraid this may be a vain hope, though.

RiversrunWoodville · 21/10/2017 13:41

Hope all goes well Op

ToadsforJustice · 21/10/2017 13:45

F1 will rage and be sulky and try to get F2 and F3 to see how unreasonable you are being. I wouldn’t expect her to apologise. The meeting will be all about her and how foolish she looks to her new friends at the PTA.

I don’t think your friendship will survive this chat, but at least you will know that you have said your piece and you can move on. When you meet in the future you can keep her at arms length, smile, nod and be civil. When you get the inevitable phone call asking for a free haircut, you can calmly say that your previous arrangements no longer work for you, as you only give mates rates to friends.

Good luck tonight Thanks

SonicBoomBoom · 21/10/2017 13:45

I think you know why she did it (trying to impress, then refusing to lose face by apologising and trying to guilt you into saving her arse).

Are you wanting her to acknowledge that this is what she did-that she threw you under a bus to make herself look good?

(which she should, BTW)

FizzyGreenWater · 21/10/2017 13:45

I agree with the making her donate a kidney idea.

Your two friends could each hold an arm to keep her still?

LindyHemming · 21/10/2017 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 21/10/2017 13:55

Who posted the meme on previous thread about forgiving someone who wasn't sorry?

I also found this
I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 21/10/2017 13:55

Good luck with in Kung. Keep as calm and reasonable as you can Flowers.

Hidingtonothing · 21/10/2017 13:56

If you end up in the kind of circular conversation I suspect you might I would be reminding her that ^her^ actions started this whole chain of events. If she hadn't presumed your agreement without speaking to you first and then made promises and told lies off the back of that presumption none of this would have happened. If she'd even answered your initial calls and messages everything you've done could have been avoided and she is entirely to blame for that.

It needs to be pointed out to her that blithely assuming someone's opinion or choice about something is astoundingly arrogant and to then tell blatant lies about it just compounds that arrogance. I honestly don't think it occurs to CF's that the subject of their CFery may not react the way they expect, hence the boo-hooing when it all goes wrong.

Good luck tonight Kung, ask F's 2 & 3 to help you not back down, a sincere and unreserved apology is the least you should settle for Gin (for courage)

GabsAlot · 21/10/2017 13:56

thaks for updating kung

good luck tonight lik othrs not hopful sh'll prob think can buy u a coupl of drinks and all is forgiven-but happy to be proved wrong

Iaccidentlykillplants · 21/10/2017 14:01

Good luck for tonight and I hope she does apologize.

Storminateapot · 21/10/2017 14:24

I think the trouble is that, regardless of this particular situation, she has made it very clear to you how angry and resentful she is that she perceives your financial circumstances to be better than hers. She offered your money because she resents the fact that you have it and clearly has felt that way for some time.

How do you get past that? She hates you for doing better than her - that is not friendship.

redexpat · 21/10/2017 14:27

Good point by storminateacup. Hoping for a positive outcome this evening.

redexpat · 21/10/2017 14:27

Good point by storminateacup. Hoping for a positive outcome this evening.

Grapeeatingweirdo · 21/10/2017 14:27

Sending you support OP. Everyone here is a great example of the collective awesomeness of Mumsnet; near unanimous support.

Hope it goes well.

We are here for you.

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/10/2017 14:32

Hope it all goes ok kung

Mix56 · 21/10/2017 14:37

She will say reinvent the story. , "but I was going to ask tell you, ( you are such a carpet & I knew you wouldn't be able to refuse) I wanted PTA to think I was doing my part, then you made got all het up & wouldn't cough up even though you can afford it "

Hebenon · 21/10/2017 14:37

Good luck, Kung. I think you have been more than reasonable throughout. Hope it can be resolved pleasantly without any more unnecessary drama.

Hebenon · 21/10/2017 14:37

On her part, that is! Not yours!

Cavender · 21/10/2017 14:37

Unfortunately I can’t see how this meeting can possibly go well.

F1 is going to be faced with three friends who are all angry with her.

Kungfu you are going to have to be exceedingly careful that she can’t level any accusations of “ganging up” or bullying at you all.

Are you all able to stay that calm?

She’s behaved very badly, despite being given opportunities to recover and apologise. Is there going to be anything she can say now to rectify the situation and save the friendship? I can’t imagine what.

So the likely outcome is either:

A big fight, where she flounces.

A big apology and you’ll feel pressured by F2 and F3 to accept it and “put it all behind you” (which is unrealistic).

F2 and F3 have to see her every day at school. They are going to want this resolved to make their lives easier.

Think carefully about what you actually want from this meeting and about how it’s going to go.

MyfatheristheKing · 21/10/2017 14:41

Hope it goes well tonight :)

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 21/10/2017 14:47

cavender
F2 & 3 arent angry at her more pissed off. F3 is quite chilled like me a little bit of a pushover
Where as F2 will call it as she sees it. So if F1 tries to do a rematch, F2 will tell her to pack it in.

I was thinking of writing a few things down so I'm not like a deer in headlights, but don't want too appear strange bringing notes to the meeting.

OP posts:
SandyDenny · 21/10/2017 14:48

Imo the key point is that she expected you to happy to give £45 worth of prize to a cause that you have no connection with yet she, who has a child at the school, thought £15 was too much.

She will undoubtly say that she was sure you wouldn't mind and still can't understand why you are making a fuss, if she genuinely thinks like that you will never get her to see she's wrong, hopefully tactful intervention by F2 & F3 might help her to realise how worng she is