to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

[Curiositykilledthecat113]

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

I'd not regret working either. It's very possible to work and parent well. It's not one or the other.

I wonder how many men will regret their choice of partner on their deathbed, resenting being made to work all hours to keep them whilst missing out on their chidren at times etc.

To get back to the opening post

I personally dont know anyone who does this...

In fact if you listen to most of us you would think our husbands couldn't walk and breathe at the same time

I think we are generally proud of them be it personality, cleverness or talent but not for the money. If they were gits we wouldn't be with them

I hate the term bitchfest being used for any robust conversation women have
It’s not bitchfest to vehemently disagree, women can have rambunctious dialogue without being bitchy
It’s an internalisation of misogyny to deem women disagreeing as bitchfest

@user1492877024

As a Barrister I would expect you to know the difference between libel and slander, no matter what you specialise in.

WHAAAAT? The OP doesn't know the difference between libel and slander??

And she claims to be a barrister?

Where in this thread was that priceless nugget? I missed it!!

Nobody on their deathbed wishes they were cooking, cleaning, mopping and doing a load of drudge work rather than working. It works both ways. I have done all off them and trust me once you have lots of kids, you gleefully skip out the door to work for a bit.

*To get back to the opening post

I personally dont know anyone who does this...*

No - nor do I.

I agree lipstick

I thought team bitchfest was funny

Sorry

@Yellowmakesmesmile

I wonder how many men will regret their choice of partner on their deathbed, resenting being made to work all hours to keep them whilst missing out on their children at times etc.

What a load of utter fucking shite.

Try a bit harder my love. That was pathetic.

If you're confident, you choose the sahp/wohp option that suits your family best, and spend zero time wondering about other families choices

I think it’s human nature to be curious about others choices. If you’re confident you don’t think twice about yours. My decision was the right one, I’ve never waivered, and no one has ever suggested it wasn’t, but I’m s curious about others, interested about what drives them and rhe choices they make.

I'd like to add that I have no idea whether Curiosity is a barrister but the reasoning here about libel/slander so therefore she can't be is just rubbish.

She said:

It's hypocritical when posters call this a bitchfest and slate people for slandering other people and yet continue to do this themselves...

which is obviously just vernacular use. Slandering in that sense is just generic "slagging off". You couldn't substitute that word for libelling and have the sentence mean the same thing. Libelling is a more technical word with a specific meaning - ie. defamatory.

Besides if Curioristy practises criminal law or trusts or works for the CPS or in house at a bank in finance, it's perfectly possible that the difference between libel and slander won't have crossed her mind for years since law school.

This is a bad point.

I'm a SAHP, I don't work due to cost of children care and timings of care. I would be out the house 7am- 8pm If returned to work. I was a relatively high earner, earned more than my OH. I want to be at home with my DC (most days ) My OH doesn't.

I don't understand this financially vulnerable thing. Unless your DP doesn't share money i.e. Joint account etc. I'm not married either but we own our property together and share money.

Since being at home I do 95% of the house admin etc, all organising of things, tradesman, car services, cleaning etc. I think this is quite normal and where the contribution is. Plus I'm doing the bulk of the raising of our (hopefully) lovely children. Maybe if the WOHP didn't have a family then some of these tasks wouldn't be needed, but it's stability, the norm and nice to have a stable family life if you have a busy job.

I doubt many men will miss it. I get to go to all my kid's things, but I have zero stress in organising them or doing all the grunt work. The time with them is then happier. There is a reason men won't give this up!

I personally dont know anyone who does this...

Me neither, but it can’t be disputed that women were posting their partners and ex partners incomes on a thread that asked how much of you earn.

I also don’t know anyone who doesn’t answer their door, or can make a chicken last a week, but seemingly they not only exist but post on mumsnet ,,,,

bluntness

I agree

I have had doubts...but i don't regret a thing

Ive had a lovely life

And even ds1 said that he had had a happy childhood

And do you know how bloody long it took to get that admission out of him!!

Basing your entire self worth on what kind of job you do doesn't strike me as positive.
Perhaps if we taught our children and teenagers to have self confidence in who they are as individuals and not that success is based on achievement only, we wouldn't be seeing so many unhappy young people.
For the main I've been a SAHM which has worked best for us as a family.
My children have had a brilliant childhood, my husband has a very successful career and I've balanced volunteering and OU courses with family life. Now that my children are young adults, I'm excited about the next stage of life for me.
I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me because I'm completely happy with the decisions we made as a family. No regrets.
I completely respect the right of other women to make different choices but experience has taught me that the snipers on both sides are the ones that are fundamentally very unhappy with their lot.

Isnt there a difference between posting a figure and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement.

I know what some of my friends husbands earn...ish

But i dont know anyone who does the part in bold

But aren't you basing your self worth on you r sah ness
I work. It fulfils me. Not sure I Base my self worth on what I do with most of my time any more than you do

And how about your husband and his successful career. What's his self worth based on

I don't understand this financially vulnerable thing

This vulnerability comes in when the relationship ends or goes wrong, child maintenance is not enough to also provide for the mother, and if not married there are little to no rights, and a woman who has been out of thr workplace for a number of years can find it hard to get back in and earn again enough to sustain herself.

She's less easily recognisable in her first post on any thread, and she's slightly less err immediately antagonistic in her views. I choose my words carefully.

The deathbed thing. I won't wish on my deathbed I had been a sahm because it's always best to play to your strengths and I would be rubbish at it. The assumption that very senior women never see their kids is so wrong. Apart from the 4/5 days a month that I travel, I make my kids breakfast every morning, take them to school, I am home by 6.30pm each day. What i don't have time for is me. At the end of the day, we are all mums first and out our kids first, just in different ways.

And conversely basing self worth on being a SAHM is not positive
My job is inextricably linked to my identity,it’s a vehicle for my personality & intellectual abilities

I have defo come across women who have told me what their husbands did in a braggy way (when I've not asked). Unless he's Tom Hardy or works as a Tom Hardy I couldn't give a shit.

I vaguely know tom hardys wife

And as far as I can tell she's also a successful actress