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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

999 replies

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 21/10/2017 10:24

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

OP posts:
whoopwhoop21 · 21/10/2017 22:23

teaches wowsers 9 kids!!

PoorYorick · 21/10/2017 22:23

Is that the kind of response you make in court when someone points out the holes in your case?

Neverknowing · 21/10/2017 22:25

But a lot of SAHM’s go back to work when their children are school age so the children won’t remember their mothers not working?
Either way, my mum worked and was fucking miserable. She would have been happier if she could have stayed at home. Instead she had the ‘dual burden’ of working and looking after kids and Home.
It literally doesn’t matter. If you work and are happy your children will benefit, if you’re at home and you’re happy your children will benefit. The worst thing you can do is be unhappy, that’s going to be awful for your kids (trust me I know).

Autumndays14 · 21/10/2017 22:26

I hate the way women have to critiscise each others choices. People complain about attitudes to women, but women are each other's worst enemies. If you want to stay at home - fine, if you want to focus on your career - fine. But live and let live! We are not all the same and we don't all want the same things. We don't all feel fulfillment from the same things. lets just all make our own choices and not judge each other.

Original poster
Curiositykilledthecat113 · 21/10/2017 22:26

PoorYorick This is an internet forum and I'm posting not making a case, my career is not the focus of the thread so I'm not sure why you're derailing it to make unrelated claims.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2017 22:26

On my deathbed I plan to be proud of my career.
Apart from that why do deathbed wishes cary more weight than mid life wishes?

ftw · 21/10/2017 22:26

I was also surprised at a barrister earning a wage. I thought they were normally salaried.

ALittleMoreEducation · 21/10/2017 22:27

Poor Yorick

You'd also know about the defence of fair comment

There's no such thing as a defence of fair comment any more. It's now called honest opinion and has been since at least 1 January 2014. Slightly earlier if you want to be super technical about it. Grin

misses point

ftw · 21/10/2017 22:27

On my deathbed I plan to be proud of DH’s career. 😂

TeachesOfPeaches · 21/10/2017 22:27

I have a colleague whose mum was a SAHM but both him and his sister were at local boarding schools full time.

Neverknowing · 21/10/2017 22:27

@NataliaOsipova I agree, I still resent my mum for putting her work over us. She made a lot of money and that seemed to be more important than us.

Anon8604 · 21/10/2017 22:27

staying at home is apparently about the good of the children but actually, it's showing them a type of society that is probably not best if we hope to become more progressive.

What's more progressive about choosing to work and send your children to full time childcare than staying at home with them?

Perhaps we should be worried about a society in which wages have fallen so low in real terms that many families can only get by if both parents work full time, regardless of whether they want to and regardless of whether that's in the family's best interests.

StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2017 22:28

On my deathbed I plan to be smug about attending my great great granddaughters 40th birthday the week before and getting rather tipsy

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2017 22:29

Teaches,,,ok, will do.

Op, I agree with your initial point, I don’t think sahms should claim their husbands success as theirs, no, although I do believe they facilitate it. My issue is it’s a valid decision to stay at home and bring up the kids,it doesn’t need bolstered. They don’t need to add more on to justify it.

Women can only make valued choices when we feel those choices are good enough. But it strikes me is many women who stay at home, don’t feel their choice is good enough, so they claim their husbands success also, and that’s where I have an issue. They should be the first owning their decisions and shouting yes, i stayed home and it’s good enough. I didn’t earn his salary, I didn’t have the career success, but I ran rhe home and I brought up the kids, Why is that not seen as enough?

Neverknowing · 21/10/2017 22:29

ALSO. Surely feminism is choice? How did we go from having to stay at home to having to have a career?

StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2017 22:29

Never knowing was your mum a single parent

ALittleMoreEducation · 21/10/2017 22:30

Nobody on their deathbed wished they had spent less time with their children and more time working

Well if you have starved to death because you are unemployed and can't afford to eat....

Or if you were frozen to death because you are homeless because you lost your job because you didn't spend more time at work....

Or....

PoorYorick · 21/10/2017 22:31

PoorYorick This is an internet forum and I'm posting not making a case, my career is not the focus of the thread so I'm not sure why you're derailing it to make unrelated claims.

You thought it was relevant to post an occupation and salary for yourself, presumably because you thought it would bolster whatever vendetta it is you have against SAHMs. If you think it's relevant, it's a fair topic to discuss. Seeing how it is, to use a legal term, bullshit.

As for derailing the thread, I think that happened quite some time ago. Carl can tell you more. A bullshit thread like this, it's a mercy killing.

I don't know what your beef is with SAHMs (I assumed you were a troll until I saw how offended you got over that silly piss take response) but you need to get over it.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/10/2017 22:31

I think it is enough bluntness

But when the op comes out with comments like maybe you do need to stop "taking handouts" from your husband so you can set a great example to your children, who are obviously far better off having their illiterate mother at home i think it shows what she really thinks about women she thinks Are sahm

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2017 22:32

Nobody on their deathbed wished they had spent less time with their children and more time working

I’m not sure that’s true, some terrible parent child relationships out there and plenty women have been royally fucked by giving up work.

ALittleMoreEducation · 21/10/2017 22:32

Can't we go back to talking about Postman Pat?

Now that had potential..

Neverknowing · 21/10/2017 22:32

@StealthPolarBear no she was married to my dad but he worked a physical job 6 days a week and then worked in his fathers pub the other night so wasn’t around much.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/10/2017 22:33

alittle

Only if whoop stops posting pictures

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2017 22:34

i think it shows what she really thinks about women she thinks Are sahm

Agree, but think it’s got a little heated,,,

Original poster
Curiositykilledthecat113 · 21/10/2017 22:35

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 The thing is Rufus, you say things which are intended to mock and then are surprised when you are mocked back.

PoorYorick It was relevant because a poster suggested I wasn't lucky enough to find a husband to support me enough which suggested I was unable to manage on my own. Otherwise I would not have said it, I don't throw information around for no reason.

OP posts: