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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

999 replies

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 21/10/2017 10:24

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

OP posts:
TisapityshesaGeordie · 21/10/2017 21:25

This is a vile thread, on both sides.

sunandmoonshine · 21/10/2017 21:25

Right back at ya sun.

@MistressPage Smile

LazyArseAvocado · 21/10/2017 21:25

Ftw, was exactly makes it YOUR money? Rather than his, some of which he gives to you?

Please know I am not judging but really baffled by the whole idea.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/10/2017 21:25

Ooh are we talking about length of marriage now

I might win this one...

LazyArseAvocado · 21/10/2017 21:26

Sunandmoonshine, why? What made you throw up in your mouth?

sunandmoonshine · 21/10/2017 21:27

@Lipstickhandbagcoffee

Do you carry a pomander sunandmoonshine if that mere post make you ill?so much so you repasted it

Que? Confused

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2017 21:27

I can’t believe this is still rumbling on, and some of the shite being posted.

Because I want to raise my own child

Said in response to a question on childcare before school age. Really? This poster feels a child stops being raised by the time they are four and go to school? And what then the teachers raise them?

I worked, my daughter is now twenty, she has no doubt who her mother is and would laugh in your face, before walking off shaking her head in sheer revulsion, if you suggested she was raised by a nursery worker and not me.

But you wouldn’t say it to her face would you? Because you know it’s bullshit and parents who work also raise their children. You wouldn’t say it to anyone whose parents worked. Tell them their parents didn’t raise them. But you’ll spew it on line.

Why are people being so offensive. It’s not offensive to say your husbands career achievements are not yours, yours is raising happy well adjusted kids and managing the home. Why attack? Why demand his achievements are also yours, demand you didn’t just run the home, manage the childcare, you also are responsible for his success and his salary?

Who is invalidating sahms to the extent they are on line attacking women who work, claiming they didn’t raise their own children, and claiming their husbands success and salary as theirs?

Because it reads to me, it’s sahms, who are doing it to themselves.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/10/2017 21:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to withdraw this post.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/10/2017 21:28

To the SAHM -would you be happy for your dd to give up career and be financially reliant on a man?
Would it be okay for your son to give up career and be financially reliant on a woman?

Sunbeam18 · 21/10/2017 21:28

Do none of those people spouting about supporting their male working partner by doing all the donkey work which allows them to work late, entertain clients and play rounds of golf see that this facilitates this kind of male dominance at the top in the workplace and allows that kind of crap to define what a successful career person should look like. The world of work needs to be LESS like this, and more family friendly to allow women and men to succeed at work and out of work.

BarbarianMum · 21/10/2017 21:29

I do work peaches but i could certainly have a far more fabulous career if I could find childcare to fill the 4am -9am slot or 6pm - midnight or that would let me go away at short notice at the same time as my husband. So please, share some tips with me.

sunandmoonshine · 21/10/2017 21:30

@Lazyarseavocado

This post.

I love the fact I earn and don't have to rely on handouts from my husband. Yes, most people say they have shared finances but really, how do you spend someone else's hard earned cash on yourself and still feel content?

THIS ^ is the comment that made me wanna vom. Ugly, horrible, snidey, patronising, offensive, demeaning, grotesque comment.

MistressPage · 21/10/2017 21:31

I have to go now. My lovely husband has hand made me a pizza to soothe my hangover. He does like to look after me. And I don't even have to go to work on Monday! (I don't work on account of being a lazy SAHM) I'm going to the zoo with my adorable toddler son instead. Good times!

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/10/2017 21:32

lipstick

No I wouldn't, not without a shedload of protection

ftw · 21/10/2017 21:33

avocado

It’s not my money, it’s our money, like it’s our house, our children, our tv, our whatever else.

He earns it for the family, I stay home looking after the family. I don’t see why it’s hard. We do different things but are equal.

I always worked pre-DC, I out-earned him for a good while but my job involved a lot of travel. We decided we’d all enjoy life a lot better if I quit post-DC instead of us all trying to juggle too much shit and irregular hours and two careers that required at least some travel.

I didn’t just wake up one day and decide I was above working.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/10/2017 21:33

Sunandmoon,it was your twee I sicked a little bit in my mouth post
Do you have a delicate disposition?
If the post induced vomiting why do you repost it in bold?

Anon8604 · 21/10/2017 21:33

To the SAHM -would you be happy for your dd to give up career and be financially reliant on a man?
Would it be okay for your son to give up career and be financially reliant on a woman?

I'd be happy for my DC, regardless of sex, to take time away from paid employment to care for their family.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/10/2017 21:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to withdraw this post.

sunandmoonshine · 21/10/2017 21:34

FFS @bluntness100

No SAHM is being nasty about working mothers. All that is happening a small number are RETALIATING because of the foul, offensive, nasty, patronising, offensive fucking SHIT that has been posted by the OP and the (few) people supporting her views!

NataliaOsipova · 21/10/2017 21:34

To the SAHM -would you be happy for your dd to give up career and be financially reliant on a man?
Would it be okay for your son to give up career and be financially reliant on a woman?

I only have DDs, but the answer is yes. If that was her choice, entered into freely and in full knowledge of the upsides and downsides. As I'd be happy for either of them to do anything else that they chose to do. I think that choice - genuine choice - is about the most valuable thing we can have.

Neverknowing · 21/10/2017 21:34

Gosh.
People can do what makes them happy wtf does it matter??

sunandmoonshine · 21/10/2017 21:35

Thanks for your kind concern about my welfare @lipstick.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/10/2017 21:35

Why do people care what other people do? That’s the point of online forums,to care and comment about what other folk do.people don’t waft in a noncommittal way,saying hey it’s up to you,passing no opinion

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/10/2017 21:36

I want ds1 to marry a plastic surgeon...mummy needs a little help

But he can obviously have his own career as well Smile

whoopwhoop21 · 21/10/2017 21:36

Lipstick I was thinking about this & I hope for my DS & DD that they will both have more flexibility. I would like my DD to try & keep a foot in the workplace or be able to return after a break. I would like my DS to be hands on but ideally marry a partner who was happy to do some work. Of course it depends on specific circumstances.