Thing is (and i apologise if the thread has moved on), whilst I am delighted that dh has a job he does well and enjoys success in, neither his nor my employment is what makes us feel content and satisfied with our lot.
In twenty years time, if I went to work to prove I could achieve “more” than being a SAHP, I would be retiring from said career and mulling over what I’d actually proved. My dad, who was a doctor, for what it’s worth in this discussion of achievement, observed that many of his colleagues really struggled to retire. So much of their identity came from their career that they were lost without it. He had hobbies that were as important to him as medicine and never pursued excessive amounts of private practice. He got a lot wrong, but he is thoroughly enjoying his retirement.
I think that there are several reasons why a woman would choose to work if her partner could and was happy to support the family. She may very much enjoy her job and want to continue: great. She may be nervous of not having independent means in case of a break up, also reasonable. But for me, or any woman to say “I’d rather be at home with my children, we can afford it and everyone is happy, but you know what, I can do more so I must” rather defeats the object of women fighting for choice over so many years.
I don’t measure my success very much at all, but if I did, it would not be on the basis of chasing achievement and career success over what would patently make me feel happier and more fulfilled just because I could. If I didn’t have kids, I’d probably be a headteacher. I was going for deputy jobs twelve years ago before I got pregnant. That would have been great and I’d have enjoyed it. I might go back to it. At the moment, in my particular family, we are all better off with me at home. Sorry if that upsets anyone. But I’d have to ask why it does. If I’m not offended by my friends who do continue with their job/career for whatever reason, why on earth should it concern anyone else?
In any group of people at the age of, say 65, I reckon there would be people, women mainly I guess, who regretted working, at all or in the job they did, people who felt happy with their working life. There would be ex SAHM who regretted leaving a job and those who didn’t. That’s life.