to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

[Curiositykilledthecat113]

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

Si1verst0rm , but this is my exact point made twice on this thread I believe. Being happy and bringing up happy kids is an achievement, no one needs to bolster it by claiming their husbands career success as their own.

I’m married. Both of our successes financial or otherwise is shared. I wouldn’t have bothered to get married if that wasn’t the case.

ALittleMoreEducation what don't you understand about:

Her "hello, I'm Penny Jones",
Me "hello I'm Raindrops" immediately followed by
Her "and what do you do Raindrops
Me "I'm a housewife
She swivelled away, no time to say anything else.

Actually our children are 22 and 19. They would give a shit about treating others nicely and not turning their backs on people who they felt wouldn't help their careers. Because they have been brought up to respect everyone from the bottom up and they know that if they were that rude to another human their parents would be unimpressed. It's why they may turn out to be successful in their own right.

It's part of being well educated as well as well qualified. But perhaps as your user name suggests you aren't quite well educated enough to see that. You certainly are coming across as rather silly on here.

Teapot13 sounds like we have similar sentiments. I am a very high earner. My husband is a high earner. Whether one considers what they do a job or a career is wholly subjective imho, as is the significance they attach to it. I do a different job now than what I did before DC1- in that job I was expected to be abroad for chunks of the month, work late, have calls with the US in the evenings (e.g. 7pm= bathtime). With my husband in the same sort of boat it was simply not feasible to both continue on the same paths. The practicalities of life without an army of ILs, siblings, DMs to help out means that we had to make a change. We discussed it and I made that change.
It's all very well saying hire a nanny. I don't want a stranger living in my house. And how many nannies want a working day from 7am til 8pm and dealing with children through the night.
I was told I could do anything I wanted to in life. Strictly speaking that's not true. Something always has to give.

I don't have a job that id consider was a career so I'm not that bothered about doing it full time. It's just a job. There is more to life. I don't need to work full time so I don't. I have hobbies and people to have coffee with!

My motto is while it's good to marry Bill Gates it's better to be Bill Gates.

Disclaimer: I'm not married to him & not sure I will get to be him as hate computers! 😁

I did use to get this when I was in the forces. E.g. DH is (insert rank) so you must do x, y and z. I just used to think well great, but you are a complete nobody so what's your point?

I think it depends how much bluntness DH didn't know exactly either "only to the nearest million". Valuations and what is realisable fluctuates. Investments go up and down and are changed for others.

DH's ability to work late, leave the country at short notice, entertain clients at no notice, always go to work regardless of sick children, sports days, nativities, INSET, school holidays, etc, meant that he was the guy who got the chances, was able to shine, and climbed briskly up the career ladder.

This is rubbish I'm afraid in the sense that it still doesn't make the working partner's (male or female) achievements that of the SAHP.

Men and women can do all of these things without a SAHM partner.

For some of it they just don't go (sports days, nativities etc) and that's easy. For some of it, they need to make other arrangements - paid care, live in au pair, grandparents.

A SAHP is an easier and cheaper support network and in some cases it may make it emotionally easier on the working partner in terms of guilt [I feel less guilty about not going to nativity (and really on that who cares tbh? I'm pretty sure no adult was emotionally damaged because there parent didn't go.]

There are plenty of single mothers who work who can work late, go abroad at short notice and so on - who achieve. No one is saying "oh that's the part achievement of their support network/au pair/child's grand parents".

It is demeaning and offensive for any SAHP (male or female) to try to undercut any working person's achievements by claiming them as
their own simply by virtue of the childcare arranagements.

A high achiever would get there anyway. They just make different arrangements and will usually prioritise work over family most of the time.

I think raindrops is probably a bit of an exception as she's referring to millions & opposed to thousands so can understand her not knowing.

Also I think some experiences are hard to compare. A woman in her 50s with grown up kids on this thread is going to have different experiences of a woman 20 years younger.

as not &!

Exactly. This kind of attitude is hardly helpful to women who want careers and don't have a wife at home nannying them. And I thought I was old-fashioned.

I think it depends how much bluntness DH didn't know exactly either "only to the nearest million, Investments go up and down and are changed for others

That’s really very Strange, you both should be getting regular updates from your advisors, as well as having live access to your portfolios, which give current values as well as projected income. Curious you can only judge your investments to thr nearest millions,,,weird infact.

I think some posters children are indeed much better off placed with paid childcare.

Fair enough Bluntness.

In 12 years of being a SAHM, nobody has ever asked me what I "do". I have never told anyone what my husband does, unless they specifically ask. Most of the time, I'm with 4 kids in tow so it's fairly obvious what I do.

At parties, people sometimes ask, "Are you working at the moment", but I just say I'm not. I've never felt any judgement whatsoever. My friends are probably 70% SAHM, 20% part-time working and 10% women with super high-earning jobs (and live in nannies), but we all just accept that we're doing what we want to do.

When the kids leave home, DH will be retired too (so he claims). It's an adjustment whether you're working or not. You just move in to the next stage of life, whatever that may be.

Raindrops

You certainly are coming across as rather silly on here.

Only to you dear heart to justify your bitchiness! It's pretty obvious.

Point number 1: Why should a woman who wanted to professionally network be interested in wasting time chatting to you just because you were the boss's wife? What is your entitlement to her time? Because of who your husband is?

Point number 2: You were nasty and gloating about how delightfully she got her comeuppance in your eyes when she realised you were her boss's wife. That is a bitchy attitude.

Point number 3: You went out of your way to attack women who were bitchy and critical of other women HAVING JUST DONE THAT YOURSELF.

If you are at a party, you meet someone who works with your husband the most natural think in the world is to say "I'm x's wife". The fact you didn't and were all "I'm a housewife" was deliberate choice to conceal your relationship with her boss. There is no reason to do that other than to catch her out.

And then to be all sanctimonious about it is very unpleasant.

I'm not going to post about this any more but really you need to move out of the dark ages and stop being so hypocritical.

• most natural thing.

It is demeaning and offensive for any SAHP (male or female) to try to undercut any working person's achievements by claiming them as
their own simply by virtue of the childcare

I don’t think it’s about that. I think it’s about bolstering their own self worth and achievements. There is nothing wrong with not working if both parties agree and it’s affordable.

I think going to the nativity is actually for the parent - not the child.
But if you aren't interested, you aren't interested. You can miss parents evenings too if you like - if you don't want to go.

Alittlemoreeducation

From your post saying a high achiever would get there anyway and prioritise work over family most of the time.

Then what, might I ask exactly, is the point of having children?

I mean really why bother you could just work work work until your heart is content and not give yourself the hassle of a family?

Overreaction, my mum was a high achiever so I am. Why would that mean you wouldn't want children? I have a big family and am not ruling out more.

Some of us may not have had the shiny career to give up though education
DH was just better at the career thing than I was!
We divide our responsibilities to money - he earns it - I spend it.

Just reading why do people say Surgeon! I'm a Surgeon in training but nearly finished and I don't earn that much! I read the other thread and was in awe of the salaries... maybe when I'm a Consultant who knows

I am the opposite to a Head. I keep my husband and in return he cooks, cleans and looks after us. I am getting the better deal, as it is considerably cheaper than a team of staff.