To be deflated at my Mum's reaction?

[willisurvive2under2]

I have one DS who’s only just turned one. I’m pregnant again, it was planned, very happy.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified. Then slowly started feeling more positive as the shock subsided.

My mum happened to visit yesterday so I told her in person. I actually filmed her! I thought she would be happy and would offer some reassurance, but instead she has been so negative. High risk pregnancy, will find it impossible with a toddler, far too early, the list goes on. So so negative and depressing.

I’m aware of all these things, but was hoping to get some grandmotherly excitement. She adores DS who’s her only GC so far.

She’s made me feel really down, even though everyone else is so supportive and DH and I are feeling happier about it now that we’ve had some time for it to sink in.

My MIL has been wonderful, saying things like I’ve obviously been blessed with two as I can manage, and I’m an amazing mum to DS, he will thrive with the new babies. I know some of this stuff isn’t necessarily true but it’s nice and uplifting.

My mum is staying for a few days and I just don’t feel like we’re really on the same page! What a shame. We normally get on fine - not the closest, but we’re on very good terms.

I’m just ranting really - if my own mother can’t reassure me, who will?

It's a sure fire way to escalate a situation that could be resolved quite easily

Do you think the OP should be permanently reminded of her reaction too, Countduckulanose? Quite rightly, I don't think MN would react favourably to someone telling the twins that mummy cried for days when she heard about them, but somehow it's OK to do that to their grandparent?

As I said in my first post, @CotswoldStrife, OP's reaction is completely normal and justified since it's her life that's going to change and it's her who has had to make the adjustment in her mind from going to having one child and one on the way, to bring a parent of three and of course the extra appointments/classment of a 'high risk' pregnancy and everything that comes with having twins (not that I think it's doom and gloom, I have twins in the family but it's alot to take in, at first) There was nothing wrong with her reaction. Her mum isn't the one dealing with all that though, she's just getting two bundles of joy rather than one so why act so gutted about the news?

People are miserys. I don't think filming her was weird. We filmed my eldest two when we told them I was pregnant again. They became distracted half way through and had a fight over play doh- we deleted the video!

And I'm not sure where you got that I think anyone should tell the twins that about their grandmother, Cotswold.
I don't think that.

oh wow, so exciting and adorable. congrats! twice the joy and giggles!! it will be so precious to watch them growing up together, and their special bond
yes, even though it will be hard work, you will find a way to manage and be happy. it really will be twice the joy, and once they come along, you won't have wished for anything different.
mum might just be scared for you and in shock, maybe thinking that she wouldn't be able to cope, so feeling for you. im sure with time, you will all be overly excited after the shock disappears
congrats again!!!!!!

Mothers worry about their babies. This mother had a negative reaction because she is worried about her baby. Yes it is the op going through it but does that mean no one else can have worries and concerns?

Up until my kids were born my mums sole concern was for me and my safety. Op says her mum is a worrier so I guess it was likely her first thoughts would turn to the possible negatives.

You are still her baby and she's had a shock and is worried for, and about you and your ability to cope- as you were initially. You needed time to come to terms with it and see the positives -as will your mum in time.

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Congrats to you and your family op.

Countduck. Sending the video would be really spiteful. End of. And why the @ sign? It's perfectly obvious who you're addressing when you use their name

Congratulations!

But please delete the video. It was unfair of you to film it - she would probably be mortified if she saw it.

@timshortfforthalia, maybe you aren't using the app? It saves you typing the name out and it also notifies you when you're mentioned if you opt in :/
We all have different opinions, such is life.

I'm sorry she didn't react how you were expecting; I think sometimes when there's no history of twins in the family it CAN be a bit of a shock, especially if you're not used to the idea/expecting to look after 3 under 2 etc. (and I don't blame you for crying for 2 days straight either; I'd have done exactly the same if I'd found out we were having triplets as I kept dreaming I was...)
I wish I'd been able to film my DPs and PILs as they were ecstatic over our news (1st baby, 1st DGC etc) and I know that if there's another pregnancy for us, and it's twins, we'd have an absolutely hilarious reaction (twin runs really deep in the family on both sides) but getting our phones out would give the game away. So it'll never be a possibility for us.

I'm glad she's reacting better today though. Hopefully the news will sink in over the next few days and she'll realise that actually, it's a great thing to be happening.

I would feel the same OP. Focussing on the filming is a red herring tbh. The appropriate thing to say is rarely anything but "oh wow! Congratulations!" And then more detail later if needs be. You suss out how the person involved feels before shitting all over them.

My parents spent a considerable amount of time after I told them about #3 shaking their heads and saying "but how will you cope?" Which is the most useless phrase in the world.

What did she expect you to say? "Yes you're right mum, I'm off for a termination." Or "I know, I feel like crap, I'll never manage, woe is me." Totally self indulgent reaction on her part