To be deflated at my Mum's reaction?

[willisurvive2under2]

I have one DS who’s only just turned one. I’m pregnant again, it was planned, very happy.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified. Then slowly started feeling more positive as the shock subsided.

My mum happened to visit yesterday so I told her in person. I actually filmed her! I thought she would be happy and would offer some reassurance, but instead she has been so negative. High risk pregnancy, will find it impossible with a toddler, far too early, the list goes on. So so negative and depressing.

I’m aware of all these things, but was hoping to get some grandmotherly excitement. She adores DS who’s her only GC so far.

She’s made me feel really down, even though everyone else is so supportive and DH and I are feeling happier about it now that we’ve had some time for it to sink in.

My MIL has been wonderful, saying things like I’ve obviously been blessed with two as I can manage, and I’m an amazing mum to DS, he will thrive with the new babies. I know some of this stuff isn’t necessarily true but it’s nice and uplifting.

My mum is staying for a few days and I just don’t feel like we’re really on the same page! What a shame. We normally get on fine - not the closest, but we’re on very good terms.

I’m just ranting really - if my own mother can’t reassure me, who will?

Don’t worry about the reactions of others. I had similarly stunned reactions from people when I told them I was expecting twins. We already had 2 children so our figure was 4 under 4 when the twins arrived, just for a few weeks though.

I had fun telling people and it was for me, not them. I handed them the scan pictures (labelled twin 1, twin 2 and then an image of both babies together) without saying a word. There were several who skimmed through them and handed them back without spotting the twins. Others looked at them all, then went back and looked at the first two again before shrieking I’m shocked delight!

My parents were stunned into silence followed by ‘we can’t look after the twins while you work’ (which had been the standard agreement they offered starting with my sister. I think they felt it was an obligation by the time I started a family and twins was understandably a step too far for them)

My inlaws has the reaction you had hoped for. Followed by ‘are you ok, don’t worry about anything as it’s done now’.

So for now, make sure you, the babies and your immediate family (child and Dh) are looked after and that you do what works best for you.

You will be classed as a high risk pregnancy, even if everything is generally straightforward. I had fraternal boy/girl twins so about as ‘safe’ a multiple pregnancy as you can get. I was still consultant led and had issues later on in pregnancy.

Your mum may well come round to the idea in time. But if you have no history of twins in your family (I didn’t and mine are the hereditary type), chances are it’s as big of a shock for her as it was for you.

To add; you're definitely BU at being upset at her reaction and maybe when she's had time to get used to it she'll regret her reaction too.

*NOT MN where is the edit button!!!

Of course she was shocked - as were you!

She'll be thrilled when they're here but she's probably anticipating that, lovely as it will be eventually it's going to be hard work in the beginning.

Congratulations.

You cried for two days. Give her time. And dont film people without their knowledge and consent.

Thank you all.

@minisoksmakehardwork I think we’re having the same but I’m not sure yet. No history whatsoever so a big surprise for everyone.

I think your DM was initially overcome with anxiety about your health etc OP, which is understandable, especially if she has a tendency to worry, anyway.
Congratulations, I hope all goes well. What fun when they are all a little more independent and able to play together!

I also think she was very worried about you- all the things she was saying are about you and how you will cope- so high risk pregnancy is a risk to you, worried you'll find it hard with a toddler and twins (realistic fear btw!), very soon, perhaps too soon- I think she just had an outpouring of worry and care for you, her daughter, and couldn't quite do the happy face you wanted for the camera.

It sounds like she will come around- she already is, and I think she will be happy, she just had an emotional wobble, just as you did. She wants you, her child, to be ok and this is pretty big stuff. This time together will hopefully mean you can chat about it more, she can get used to the idea and I'm sure she'll be supportive.

How would you feel if dh or Dm filmed you crying at the news and saved the film. That's a home video of your mum to delete that's for sure.

So you have deleted the film and not uploaded it anywhere?

Given that you knew it was planned, even you were freaked out, the way you chose to tell your mum was bizarre. She needed to be sat down and reassured that her baby was okay! I'm sure she will get back into the mum role but you set this up so that she didn't have time to catch her breath.

and filming it - ugh. Don't be filming anyone without asking first.

It’s still on my phone but I haven’t showed it to a soul and definitely not uploaded anywhere!

So its ok for you to be upset enough to cry for 2 days atraight but she has to be joyous straight away without having any timw to process it like you did? YABU

You cried for 2 days but you're mad at her for not being immediately delighted? Is that fair, really?

I'm not sure it's fair to compare the OP's reaction, as someone who is going to have two babies to look after 24/7 and a lot of extra work just bring the party of twins, to a grandmother who only has to be as involved as she chooses.

I think most people have a bit of a private panic about things that are going to change their lives so significantly but that doesn't mean that third parties, even those who are very close to them, should voice their concerns in such a disheartening way.

Congratulations, OP. I would have loved to have had twins. They may be hard work but they're special.

God, get over the filming you bunch of killjoys. It might have been a very different video and a lovely one if her mums reaction had been as she expected. Enough of the snide comments about it.

My mum had a similar disappointed thing when I told her I was pregnant after two miscarriages (that she knew about). She was concerned because I had recently moved jobs but it didn't come across that way.
It's hard when our mums don't react the way we expect, especially when we've built up the scenario in our heads.
My friend cried for weeks when she found out she was having twins. Went into full blown panic mode. It's a completely normal reaction.
I don't think it's unusual for you to have filmed it. No idea why you're getting so much grief off people for it.
Congratulations!

Congratulations - feelings can run high around things like marriage, pregnancy, twins etc.
You sound lovely and family is complex .. I'm sure you'll negotiate it all.
I remember telling my parents over lunch that they would be grandparents for the first time (said grandchild is now 18) and they toasted me and fell silent for the remainder of the meal. No questions, no real interest ... nothing.
But they turned out to be lovely kind and caring grandparents. I'm sure it'll all be okay.

Yeah, I'm sure you filmed your mum with the best of intentions- to capture the happy moment.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified.

And yet your mum is supposed to have it dropped on her by your son's t-shirt and go into delighted smiles for the camera? Honestly why? Life isn't some Christmas advert?

I'd be worried if one of mine announced a multiple pregnancy. It was the thing my DM most worried about for me. What I didn't know then, was that she nearly died losing half of a a twin pregnancy and that pattern (its happened several times in my family). She also knew from successful twin pregnancies in the family just how tough it can be.

My MiL wasn't worried about me because brutally I wasn't her DD and she had not had the same problems.

Filming people without their consent is just wrong. You really should delete it. Suggestions you show it to her to 'shame' her about a worried reaction are incomprehensible.

What you might do is ask her in a quiet moment what she is most worried about because you were worried too until you had time to process it.

I have to agree that you can't compare your mums and your mils reactions

When I was pregnant my mum was really only concerned about me and when I was in labour she was worrying about me rather than thinking about the baby coming. I guess it's natural to worry about your own babies!!

However, once born the grandkids have definitely leapfrogged me!!!

Congratulations, OP .

I know it's disappointing for you that your Mum wasn't instantly excited. If she's not usually like this, I would think she is just concerned about you because she loves you. After all, you were concerned enough to cry for two days after you found out. It's not a nice feeling when people aren't supportive though, I know, but she will hopefully come round a bit and share your excitement, after thinking it over.

My own mother's reaction to my first pregnancy (I was sooo excited) was a flat tones 'Oh Dear'. Then, 'Are you sure you've though through all your options?'. With my second pregnancy, she actually shouted at me, asked how I could be so stupid, told me my life was over and that my Dad was sat sobbing next to her (I was 35, in a good job, stable relationship, own home, no idea what her issue was!). She has absolutely doted on both of them from the second they were born and has supported us in many, many ways. I'm sure your mum will come round given time to digest things.

“But please consider - you cried for two days while you processed the news, but you expect your mum to be instantly delighted whilst filming her reaction???? (don't ever do that again, by the way)”.

^This.

Talk about double standards