To be deflated at my Mum's reaction?

[willisurvive2under2]

I have one DS who’s only just turned one. I’m pregnant again, it was planned, very happy.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified. Then slowly started feeling more positive as the shock subsided.

My mum happened to visit yesterday so I told her in person. I actually filmed her! I thought she would be happy and would offer some reassurance, but instead she has been so negative. High risk pregnancy, will find it impossible with a toddler, far too early, the list goes on. So so negative and depressing.

I’m aware of all these things, but was hoping to get some grandmotherly excitement. She adores DS who’s her only GC so far.

She’s made me feel really down, even though everyone else is so supportive and DH and I are feeling happier about it now that we’ve had some time for it to sink in.

My MIL has been wonderful, saying things like I’ve obviously been blessed with two as I can manage, and I’m an amazing mum to DS, he will thrive with the new babies. I know some of this stuff isn’t necessarily true but it’s nice and uplifting.

My mum is staying for a few days and I just don’t feel like we’re really on the same page! What a shame. We normally get on fine - not the closest, but we’re on very good terms.

I’m just ranting really - if my own mother can’t reassure me, who will?

The double standards are shocking, you cried for two days when finding out yet expected her to jump for joy?

She's likely worried about how you will cope and the burden it's likely going to place on both sets of grandparents. Not to mention your career and finances. As a parent, you can still worry about your adult children.

"What exactly is the definition of 'career woman' and how does it differ from 'career man'?"

It's a woman, with a career.

Wow. I'd delete that video.

It's a woman, with a career

If YOU cried for 2 days straight, isn't understandable that your mother who I assume loves you is going to be worried for you about a high risk pregnancy.

I'd cut her some slack here. She's probably shocked and worried for her daughter who she cares about.

And don't film this kind of thing. It's obviously highly sensitive. Seriously delete it now. It won't do you or anyone any good to keep that and keep poring over it.

She's probably just worried and wasn't expecting any pregnancy to be on the cards, let alone one with twins. Give her time for it to sink in.

Your MiL probably is more relaxed about It, but whilst her child is also expecting twins, she doesn't necessarily have to panic about the physical aspect of what this will do to her child. I don't mean that in a sexist 'men don't have to deal with it' way, it's more that your mum will be concerned about the added factors that you might have to go through.

I agree with PP. I can understand why you were disappointed by her reaction, but she was probably a bit anxious and has some understandable anxieties about the pregnancy and how you are going to cope with 3 under 2.

My DM needed to sit down with a strong cup of tea when we told her we were having twins. My ILs behaved like they were at a funeral for about a month but eventually said they were shocked and couldn't believe we were having twins. TBH DH and I were stunned when we found out at the scan. We were ttc and hoped for a baby and couldn't believe we were having two. There was a full wave of emotions ranging from excitement to fear until we got over the initial shock so go easy on your DM. My DM always worries during our pregnancies because she had two Aunts who died shortly after childbirth. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Your DM will get over the shock and be happy for you.

People are entitled to their reactions. I think it is unfair to expect people, having just heard some big news, to fake a reaction.

I hate all set piece news telling. Finding out big news is personal and people should be free to experience it in their own way. It is their moment, not yours. They are feeling the emotion and should not be treated like an animal in the zoo being watched and filmed and having pressure to behave in a certain way.

Everyone is different. I never get excited by big news because I feel a bit shocked even if it is a good thing. If I found out I'd won £1m on the lottery, I wouldn't be jumping for joy. I'd be worrying about what I'm going to do with it or whether I had lost my ticket.

OP - your mother had the same reaction you did and you're slating her for it!! You told us you cried for two days straight... Is she not also entitled to be shocked and apprehensive? I'm sure your mum will, as you have done, get her head around it all and be delighted for you. Give her the same couple of days you have yourself.

I think that the posters slating the OP just because her found the news upsetting herself are utterly missing the point. If somebody announces their pregnancy as a positive thing (which in dressing up her DS she clearly had) you don't react negatively unless you are crass ans judgemental (or deliberately cruel)

Oh do fuck off everyone regarding the filming!Just because you are old timers who can’t get your head around the digital age doesn’t mean we all can’t

What the fuck has it got to do with the digital age? None of us are from before the age of fucking video, you tit.

ukelebanana

Oh do fuck off everyone regarding the filming!Just because you are old timers who can’t get your head around the digital age doesn’t mean we all can’t

What the fuck has it got to do with the digital age? None of us are from before the age of fucking video, you tit.

QUITE! The objection is to filming something highly sensitive and a person's private reaction.

Would the OP want film footage of her "crying for 2 days straight"?

I'm off to tell my son his grandfather has just died. Quick! Whip out the i-phone! Must get this one on film because my head is fully round the digital age

WTAF.

but wouldn't you want your mum to react to happy newshappily?

Yes. But i would not expect it. And wouldnt be pissed off. I would understand her concern. Especially when i hadnt recieved the news well myself and had been concerned.

My mum was gutted I wasn't having twins when we had our third child.

She would have been over the moon with your news so and from my DM

Thanks everyone. Filming issue aside, I think I’m just really scared and I was hoping for some reassurance. Instead I saw my fear reflected in my mum’s eyes. I understand why she’s concerned - I wish she could have disguised it a bit though!

My sister’s reaction was great - she’d told me before that twins would be her ideal scenario as you get two babies with one pregnancy! Bonus. For her at least!

Thanks for all the stories. To clarify, my mum lives abroad and she won’t be expected to do childcare. She’ll probably offer to come and stay for a little while after I’ve had them, which I will accept gladly. And my MIL is lovely and great with DS but we don’t rely on her for childcare. DS goes to nursery a bit and both DH and I work flexible/part time hours. I had a reasonable career but I’ve been able to keep it up with DS - it’s the kind of job you can do at odd hours/part time, no issues there. Not sure what will happen once the twins are here.

I’m off to investigate double/triple buggies I guess!

When you drop big news on someone, in person (remember mil got told over the phone) its often hard for that person to pretend to be feeling something different to their immeadiate reaction.

Yout immeadiate reaction wasnt good. I am sure you tried not to cry for the next few days.

I get people don't like filming reactions, but so you have to be so rude to someone who has? Really unnecessary and classless.

My first reaction to the mother of a toodler announcing she is pregnant with twins would be “oh my god you poor, poor thing”.

You really shouldn’t have had expectations of a positive reaction. For many people twins is a fucking disaster

My dm is a negative soul. So much so that when my dc and his ds got pregnant for the third time a few years back I decided to tell her privately before they did. I just knew she'd say something daft and upset them. She took that on the chin and was nice and positive when they did tell her.

In future, give her some warning, maybe by email that you have some news and really hope she will be pleased and excited for you. Hopefully not another twin pregnancy any time soon but you get my drift. Some people do just say the first stuff that occurs to them.

Hopefully once she's processed it she will up her game and be supportive and helpful. And as a former midwife I'd say that having twins after one singleton seemed to work well for most parents. Knew the ropes and still in baby mode. Hard work but all good.

When I told my dm about dc 4 she went "oh dear" and tutted. Then she was right as rain and adored baby.
I took a week off work when I found out about my twins-3 under 3 too, yep it was tough, I won't lie, but now they are huge twenty somethings and I've finally caught up on my sleep. (Joke btw) 💐

Congratulations.

I can relate. When I told my mum I was expecting my third she said 'oh'........ 'Oh right, ok'

Literally, that was it.

She's since said On the few times I've spoken to her that she keeps forgetting I'm pregnant. She is what she is I suppose.

MNHQ - any particular reason why my post calling out ageism in a pp was deleted?

Is ageism suddenly an acceptable 'ism'?

Qvar you sound truly vile charming

Well...you cried for two days. So I think maybe it was shock, just like your reaction!

Congratulations twins are awesome . Are yours identical or fraternal? When I was having mine, fraternal twins (not first pregnancy) were treated the same as a singleton pregnancy - no additional scans or anything. Just in case that was her worry!

Oh, don't get a triple buggy. They're fucking awful and you won't use it much. Get a decent double and a sling. Sling a twin and your toddler can nap in the buggy if you do a lot of walking. Or, get a buggy board instead if your toddler doesn't really nap and can reliably walk long distances!