To be deflated at my Mum's reaction?

[willisurvive2under2]

I have one DS who’s only just turned one. I’m pregnant again, it was planned, very happy.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified. Then slowly started feeling more positive as the shock subsided.

My mum happened to visit yesterday so I told her in person. I actually filmed her! I thought she would be happy and would offer some reassurance, but instead she has been so negative. High risk pregnancy, will find it impossible with a toddler, far too early, the list goes on. So so negative and depressing.

I’m aware of all these things, but was hoping to get some grandmotherly excitement. She adores DS who’s her only GC so far.

She’s made me feel really down, even though everyone else is so supportive and DH and I are feeling happier about it now that we’ve had some time for it to sink in.

My MIL has been wonderful, saying things like I’ve obviously been blessed with two as I can manage, and I’m an amazing mum to DS, he will thrive with the new babies. I know some of this stuff isn’t necessarily true but it’s nice and uplifting.

My mum is staying for a few days and I just don’t feel like we’re really on the same page! What a shame. We normally get on fine - not the closest, but we’re on very good terms.

I’m just ranting really - if my own mother can’t reassure me, who will?

I’m 27 and think the filming idea was gash. It’s got nothing to do with age and everything to do with taste.

I’m sorry that she reacted like that.

My mum was quite a negative person and she just said “never mind, don’t make any plans you probably won’t end up with both of them anyway”. She was absolutely convinced that they wouldn’t both make it! It did make things quite awkward, and in the end I did have to tell her to stop because she was being unhelpful. It was quite hurtful.

Ive often wondered if she had had a premonition or something, and had just felt she wouldn’t meet them. She didn’t. She died suddenly while I was pregnant.

Well I guess you don't be filming anyone else's reaction to your news? How odd.

Congratulations though!!

Don't = Won't

I had 3 under 2 and it was not amazing!

Congratulations op!

Jesus the flak the OP is getting for what is basically a misjudged decision is wayyyyyy OTT, leading to another classic thread full of "missing the point".

The point is she wanted her mum to respond in a certain way - even a weak "yay" would probably have done. Nobody breaking happy news wants to be met with a wall of doom. NOBODY.

But agree with a PP that she IS happy for you but it's her anxiety that's come out immediately and slapped you in the face. And that's disappointing. She'll come round. My mum did the same to me and I eventually "got it" months later.

Congrats x

Completely agree with what pps have pointed out. You are on the same page. She is worried about you, her precious dd and a bit scared for you. She'll come round to the idea, just as you have.

I'm surprised you made so much of telling her your news. There was so much pressure and expectation placed on her by filming it.

Every moment is so hyped up these days.. the pregnancy announcement, the big gender reveal... lt all has to be filmed for a wider audience. You really misjudged that and probably made your mum uncomfortable.

Congratulations. Your mother's reaction is the least of your worries. I had 3 under 2 and it was hideous. You need to order a triple pram now, the ABC Adventure is your best bet. And save up for a night nanny too. Good luck.

Congratulations OP.

From what you’ve said it sounds like she was very much shocked at your announcement and where someone removed from you personally can say how marvellous etc I think it’s very different for someone who it may well impact too. If she helps out with your current Ds she was probably thinking “ oh fuck how will I cope with 3 of them “ hopefully she’ll come round and be more supportive.

You were so shocked you cried for 2 days.

And yet thought it was a great idea to film your mum and carried on filming when it was clear you werent getting the response you expected.

You are annoyed that she had a similar reaction to yours? And didnt perform fpr the camera.

While people like mil are being kind. They are probably being less honest. You didnt concieve twins because you could manage 3 young kids. Manager or deserving has nothing to do with it.

Mil and yoi friends are probably concerned but find it eaiser to hide their concerns. But their platitudes are just things people say. Its kind, but not always better than peiple who wear their hearts on their sleeve.

The point is she wanted her mum to respond in a certain way - even a weak "yay" would probably have done. Nobody breaking happy news wants to be met with a wall of doom. NOBODY.

And yet the Op responded to the same news with a wall of doom.

You cant control other peoples reactions or feelings.

This is coming your way:

www.adventurebuggyco.com

Congrats on your news

But if I'm honest if it were me being filmed it would have sent me over the edge Unless of course filming is something you all do all the time and then it would normal and in which case your mum's reaction was a bit mean. Please say you aren't putting it on Facebook?

Does your mum have other grandchildren? Maybe her heart is sinking at the thought of all the childcare she'll be asked to do in the next few years?

It is wonderful news but there's nothing wrong with keeping your feet on the ground and being realistic about what's ahead. There will be fantastic times but it will also be hard at times and you'll need a lot of support in the early weeks after birth.

I had some truely awful reactions to every pg announcement we made - from different family members they all came round and would probably deny they ever said the hurtful things they came out with.

I'd try and forget it - though I did find it extremely upsetting at the time it's had no long term affect on how they viewed the DC.

Why are so many people so bothered about the filming? She would have been well within her rights to to say "stop filming me please and don't do it again". That doesn't mean it's not crass and unkind of her to be nothing but negative about her daughter's pregnancy, ffs.

I just wanted to add.

My mum had been less than positive about my twin news.

This was a few years ago.

My twins are here, they are safe, they were full term, they are well.

The twin pregnancy did cause health issues for me that I’m still dealing with. But I’m okay.

As your mum it’s reasonable that she’s worried for you and how you’ll cope.

Twin pregnancies are hard. Twin babies (plus a toddler sibling) is hard. But it’s rewarding too and everyone keeps telling me it’ll get easier. And it is lovely watching them play together (for the brief moment before they fall out!)

A colleague asked me this week if, given what I now know, I’d have chosen twins or not and they were surprised by how quickly I said “absolutely not”, but my three are my world and if it is twins or not have one of them then twins every time.

It’ll be grand and your mum will come round. Mine was talking about how if I got my older son’s single bed a bit early and put it in the twins’ room she’d come and stay a night a week and help.

Sinceyouask- the op says her mum didn't know she was being filmed and thought op was taking a photo

oes your mum have other grandchildren? Maybe her heart is sinking at the thought of all the childcare she'll be asked to do in the next few years?

I d know that can be a consideration for some families but in mine help was never on offer and even in emrgenices blue light to A & E we've been on our own - so that wasn't a factor.

Not wanting to be a GP at their age - feeling we were taking limelight from other pg people some family some not - concern about how we'd cope even when there was no cause, not thinking our age gaps or number of children was a good choice or what they though we should want.

I image in this case concern for Op health might be a factor as well.

Were you a career woman OP, or a traveller or something? Was/is your mum? Has your life changed quite dramatically since having your first?

Im wondering if whether your mum is maybe worried you're going to be moving too far away from other things you'd or she'd hoped/planned for pre baby?
Just an idea, difficult to say without knowing her.

My mum's reaction to my (completely planned) first pregnancy was "well your boss won't be pleased"
Literally the first thing she said.
She's a bit odd my mum.......

Congratulations OP. you're not unreasonable for feeling a bit disappointed but people are unpredictable.

Why are people so bothered about the filming?

I think it shows that OP massively misjudged the situation and had for some reason convinced herself it was going to be ecstatic tears and party poppers, a moment captured on film to treasure and show everyone.

I think that was an unrealistic expectation. You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you have such high expectations and you have managed to make yourself feel worse now by building it up.

I just think filming it was a bad idea.

Were you a career woman OP

What exactly is the definition of 'career woman' and how does it differ from 'career man'?

Of course you can't control other people's reactions - using inflammatory words like that is yet again missing the point.

The OP misjudged the situation - granted - but wouldn't you want your mum to react to happy news happily?

even if it took you two days to suck it in yourself