To be deflated at my Mum's reaction?

[willisurvive2under2]

I have one DS who’s only just turned one. I’m pregnant again, it was planned, very happy.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified. Then slowly started feeling more positive as the shock subsided.

My mum happened to visit yesterday so I told her in person. I actually filmed her! I thought she would be happy and would offer some reassurance, but instead she has been so negative. High risk pregnancy, will find it impossible with a toddler, far too early, the list goes on. So so negative and depressing.

I’m aware of all these things, but was hoping to get some grandmotherly excitement. She adores DS who’s her only GC so far.

She’s made me feel really down, even though everyone else is so supportive and DH and I are feeling happier about it now that we’ve had some time for it to sink in.

My MIL has been wonderful, saying things like I’ve obviously been blessed with two as I can manage, and I’m an amazing mum to DS, he will thrive with the new babies. I know some of this stuff isn’t necessarily true but it’s nice and uplifting.

My mum is staying for a few days and I just don’t feel like we’re really on the same page! What a shame. We normally get on fine - not the closest, but we’re on very good terms.

I’m just ranting really - if my own mother can’t reassure me, who will?

Send her the video so she can see what a mortifying, joyless reaction she had to your amazing news.
You don't have double standards. You needed to get your head around it because it's your body, your pregnancy, your children, your life- not hers! She doesn't need to adjust to it in the same way you did.
In her shoes, I'd be delighted.

Delete the video!

She's your mother -she will have been processing what you are facing not getting new baby excitement

Well Smilesunshine, that makes two of us then. I’m sorry my reaction wasn’t according to thread diktats

Twins are great, but they are really hard work and higher risk for all so given you already have a little one it's not that surprising your mum wasn't thrilled for you on first hearing your news.

The filming thing is a separate issue but I don't think it's a nice thing to do to some one with out them knowing. I see it a fair bit on Facebook but it doesn't make it sensible.

She wasnt being a grandmother, she was being your mother. All her concern is for you.
Imagine your child telling you something that should work out wonderfully but in the mean time could be hard for them....

Hope you have a happy & healthy 9 months

Send her the video so she can see what a mortifying, joyless reaction she had to your amazing news

I can't imagine what a nasty person you would have to be to do such a filthy thing to your own mother.
Sometimes I read MN and think, I hope to fuck I don't know these revolting people in real life.

I also feel MN has developed a crowd mentality, hiding behind the internet bullying culture which is getting worse. And so much misinformation and lack of support.

I find on threads there is always an assumption that the other person has malicious intent.

I'm sure the ops mum will be more positive once she's got her head around it

Send her the video so she can see what a mortifying, joyless reaction she had to your amazing news

What a nasty vicious piece of work you must be to suggest such a thing.

This was obviously an instinctive genuine reaction borne out of concern for her daughter.

It was an fucking stupid thing to do to film it in the first place -given OP herself said she'd cried for 2 days. What did she expect exactly? News that makes you cry for 2 days is highly unlikely to cause your own mother to throw a party.

That video should be deleted and forgotten.

What on earth is there to gain from sending it to her mother other than cause bad feeling and cause a clear and positive recollection of something that would otherwise fade with memory?

When the children are 10 years old, this will be gone UNLESS the film is kept, played, mulled over every time there is a family row.

Totally screwed up suggestion. What is wrong with people here?

Query. Why were you upset and cried? Why do you not think that she would have the same reaction? Why do you want reactions in people that you yourself couldnt even muster?

Don't be too harsh with your Mum. I suspect her reaction, as someone else has said was from concern for you rather than anything else.
When DH (then DP) told his parents they looked aghast and asked if it was planned! DP was incredibly and understandably upset! They're not bad people and are actually very good to us in many ways, but they spoke before thinking.

@ALittleMoreEducation and what an angry person you are.

@ukelelebanana are you ok?
It's not my style to film either, but since it's been done, I see no problem with the mum seeing herself exactly how she was. Why the concern over the mother's feelings when she's hurt her own daughter's? Sometimes the truth hurts- and helps.

Nope. Not at all Countduck just calling out vileness when I see it.
And I think at least one other poster agrees with me.

Besides I'd rather be angry than vile sweetie. Anger is a temporary state.

@ALittleMoreEducation why hurl abuse at someone just for showing support for the OP and doing an 'up yours' to the one who upset her? Support being what was lacking by her mother on announcing her lovely news. She shouldn't have been treated like she'd just traipsed shit through the carpet. Sadly it seems some posters are too het up about the fact she was filming to offer any sympathy. I feel gutted for her that the gesture backfired.
Carry on with your insults and little quips if you makes you feel better bout your odd reaction to a well meaning stranger on the internet.

I agree to an extent that the OP being honest with her mum would help; explaining she felt disappointed mum wasn't more positive because she wanted reassurance herself.
Levelling about the trepidation they both feel is far healthier and helpful than glossing over any worries and pretending everything's amazing.

However, sending her a video of her reaction would be a spiteful childish reaction. It wouldn't help in any way. I'd be upset to discover I'd been secretly filmed. The mother knew nothing about the camera rolling.
Of course there should be concern for the mother's feelings. Sending the video would be an act of revenge and would show a complete absence of empathy.
Terrible advice!

to a well meaning stranger on the internet

One who said

Send her the video so she can see what a mortifying, joyless reaction she had to your amazing news

Well meaning? Well meaning?!?!?

Hmmmn. Okay.

I'm not alone in that view by the way:

ukelebanana said in repsonse to your post I can't imagine what a nasty person you would have to be to do such a filthy thing to your own mother. Sometimes I read MN and think, I hope to fuck I don't know these revolting people in real life

I agree.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties said sending her a video of her reaction would be a spiteful childish reaction

I agree.

I think you are self-deluded if you think you or your advice is well meaning.

The point being, that I'm with her on how let down she feels.
I wouldn't have filmed but OP did it to have a happy moment on record- good intentions.
I don't particularly believe it would be vengeful to send the video, if it seems horrible, it's because it WAS horrible. It was what is was. Why can't people see themselves for how they are? They might think twice about how they come across to their loved ones in future.
OP did nothing wrong apart from commit the 'crime' of filming, which seems to have voided any wrongdoing by the mother.

@ALittleMoreEducation yes I know, this is the second time you have mentioned that at least one other person is of your school of thought, and rude with it. I hope you feel validated as it's so important to you.

But don't you see how nasty it would be to send it?

Firstly because the mum didn't even know she was being filmed but secondly, she's punishing her mum for having a natural and honest reaction. Sure it was hurtful to op biter can't go through life expecting people to act in the way we want them too And if they don't throw a strop about it.

Far better to just mention to her mum she was a bit hurt by her reaction and resolve it that way. Although tbh, her mum probably woke up this morning and has been reacting more in the way op hoped.

Oh wow two lucky you. It’s going to be busy for sure congratulations.

Ignore your mum what a weird way to react. Your Mil sounds like she is being lovely about it.

Is new car shopping on the agenda lol? Honestly you have so much else to deal with leave your mum to her black cloud.

No, not really. Because it's not a punishment, it's just showing her in a truthful way, how she genuinely reacted.
I really hope things are more positive for OP now aswell.

YANBU-at least your MIL is nice. I mean come on. She's getting another two grandbabbies-at once! She should be pumped.

Filming reactions is really common now and I wish I had done second time around. My mils reaction wasn’t great first time round but I did a similar big brother t shirt thing for the announcement to my sil & mil and they were both so happy it was lovely. I have it as a fond memory at least and helped me forget the rather negative first reaction lol.