To go against DH and labour how I want?

[ListenToYourself]

DH is dead against me having a home birth and shuts the topic down very quickly.

He doesn’t want me to have one and thinks it’s just too dangerous as the hospital is 30 minute drive away anyway.

It’s what I really want. I would feel so much better labouring in my own home, preferably in a pool, which MW has said I’m guaranteed to have access to, unlike the birthing centre where they may not be one available.

DH isn’t keen on the birthing in water idea either, even in a hospital. And says “but if you really must”.

I can’t really afford to rent one out on the off chance the birthing centre don’t have one available.

I’m willing to go into hospital at the first sign of trouble, no issues there at all. At least I got what I wanted - to try a home birth.

But it’s not practical, apparently. And he says even though I am the one in labour, how he feels counts too, since he’s my birthing partner and I don’t want anyone else there.

I agree how he feels does count too, but he won’t even listen to my MW who agrees that it is safe and it isn’t a big risk.

He just feels too anxious about it.

Where do I go from here, since he just won’t listen?

I would feel just so much more relaxed knowing I can try a home birth. I would love to

"don't they have locations away from the ambulance station where ambulances and crew can wait for a call?"

It isn't an ambulance, it is a first response car. I often see the local one parked up. When DD was 2 and stopped breathing during a febrile convulsion the doctor (who was fortunately with us) called for an ambulance and the car was with us within minutes. The ambulance took longer. This was 15 years ago.

With my son it literally took 10 minutes from the decision that something isn’t right and that bloods should be taken to me being in the theatre having a c section. DS was born blue and unresponsive with very low levels of oxygen. He’s well now, 5 weeks later, thanks to the consultant’s quick thinking and being able to bleep the theatre and get me in there within minutes. The staff RAN with my bed, it was the single scariest experience of my life.

I am not saying this will happen to you, you might have a lovely, „walk in the park” kind of birth, like I did with DD1.
That said, I am wholeheartedly with your DH on this one.

It is my belief (and experience) that midwives can be extremely dismissive of women who are giving birth for the first time.

But only the ones in hospitals? Or does this not also apply to community midwives doing home births? If I thought that way about the HCPs I've been involved with during pregnancy the last thing I'd want is to be at home, 30 minutes away from hospital with two of them and no one else available.

Accrual
Yes i believe that midwives in hospital are more likely to be dismissive than midwives at a home birth, because in a hospital they are under more pressure to look after several patients at once, and sometimes can't/won't admit a patient into a delivery room because you are only "allowed" to be in the room if you are in "proper" labour.
In a home birth there is no question of being allowed to be there - it's your home. Of course there is a chance you could still get a dismissive/unsupportive midwife but I think it's less likely given that they are able to focus entirely on you.

Still lolling at the idea of ambulances on standby. My dbro is a paramedic, based at Derriford hospital in Plymouth. Last week he ended up in Birmingham and then Southampton because there were absolutely no other ambulances available for emergencies within 200 miles.

Go for a home birth if you think it's best for you. Please don't do it based on the believe you have an ambulance waiting for you if you have an emergency. It is done at your own risk. You know how sometimes people get called irresponsible for leaving their child in the car while they shop or not putting bike helmets on them? I would consider a home birth in these circumstances pretty irresponsible.

Just to be clear, I didn't opt for home birth myself, as I wanted to be in the MLU attached to the hospital, for peace of mind. I was in the MLU for a brief time before being transferred to the DU. But it wasn't the wonderfully supportive and safe experience that some people on this thread are implying you always get with hospital birth. I am just saying that some people might actually get better care at home. Which a lot of people have dismissed as not being important. But maybe a midwife at a home birth would notice a potential problem sooner than a midwife at a hospital who is overstretched. Of course there is the issue of transfer times which is why I still opted for the MLU attached to the hospital. But it frustrates me that people are implying that hospital births are super safe and risk free. Not necessarily. It depends on the quality of care and not just the equipment!

He’s scared. Don’t ‘tell him to fuck off’ - find out information and stats and share with him.

I wouldn’t birth at home because I want to be as close as possible to support if it’s needed. We have come so far in medicine, my grandmothers gave birth at home because they had to, we have advances for a reason.

I gave birth in a midwife led unit in a pool but with doctors just a minute away if baby became distressed. I do appreciate however that I was very lucky, and I would totally support any woman who wanted to give birth at home in order to avoid birthing on your back in bed in a stressful environment.

"I would totally support any woman who wanted to give birth at home in order to avoid birthing on your back in bed in a stressful environment."

Yep, I was forced to birth on my back on a bed, despite clearly stating in my "birth preferences" notes that I wanted to avoid that position due to PGP. But hey, I guess that's my fault for having a birth plan, clearly I was being selfish to think of myself and not the baby Actually labouring on your back increases the chance of shoulder dystocia which is hugely risky for the baby and which happened to us.

I am just saying that some people might actually get better care at home.

And that's completely unacceptable. I get that it's different teams, different parts of the NHS, blah blah blah - but I don't think it's right that 2 or more midwives can be rustled up for every woman who decides she wants a home birth for whatever reason however spurious (and is lucky enough to be low risk and therefore eligible); but other women who are higher risk through no fault of their own and don't have that choice don't get anywhere near that level of attention.

Totally agree.

But the answer isn't fewer home births - it's more midwives in hospitals!

I agree totally with namechange

Thing is, being close to medical services is a moot point if problems aren't picked up in the first place.

An experienced, attentive, one to one midwife is (imo) the most important factor in securing a safe birth. Do not kid yourself that this is guaranteed in hospital. It isn't.

Don’t know how far along you are or if this has been suggested as I haven’t read all the threads but I suggest booking NCT antenatal classes. Get as much info as possible and you may find it helps his fears.

But the answer isn't fewer home births - it's more midwives in hospitals!

But in the meantime, while there aren't enough midwives in hospitals I think it's irresponsible for the NHS to be promoting home births when those resources could be deployed to provide a better experience for a greater number of women rather than focusing the resources on a few privileged ones.

Overall, I think home births take up fewer resources than a hospital birth - not sure if that’s also adjusted for risk as presumably higher risk ones end up taking more resources and few high risk people have a home birth in the first place.

Home births might have 2 midwives but for a shorter time than being in hospital for a larger portion of labour. They result in fewer interventions in the same risk bracket (interventions cost money). You don’t take up an antenatal place, even for a few hours. It’s not quite as simple as one might think, but I don’t know how they calculate cost.

But I really do think there is an under current here of wanting to find a reason to blame women for wanting a home birth - first risk, now cost.

I imagine OP stopped reading a while ago.

In fact, there are suggestions up thread that home births are being pushed despite the risk precisely because they are, on average, cheaper.

Binky
"I really do think there is an under current here of wanting to find a reason to blame women for wanting a home birth - first risk, now cost."

Yep

If you are still reading Op..i had an amazinf beautiful and wonderful birth first time.. In a midwife led birth centre . part of a big London hospital.

Honestly it was like being in a spa...much nicer than my own living room!
It was so lovely and the birth pool amazing...and when the final moment went wrong there was immediate and much needed medical back up....

Less interventions means less problems on average next time.
Creating more c section births pushes up the rate of problems for next births.
Unfortunately a lot of research looking at the risks of birth don't look at a series of births but just look at one in isolation. For example, my first a section probably caused the problematic pregnancy second time round (it's one of the side effects so to speak). Of course baby one was fine so it doesn't show in the stats.

I was booked for a home birth for my first. I went in to hospital as I had meconium in my waters. The little bigger got stuck and was eventually out with forceps. If I'd been in hospital from the start they said I'd have been straight to a c section so I'm glad I was at home.
And this may have been covered but haven't read whole post but whoever said it takes 2-3 minutes for 999 to answer the phone are talking bollocks.

Sorry, but if you read what the Govt has said in recent years they do want more home births precisely because they ARE cheaper. Look it up

There are LOADS of factors that go into deciding wether a home birth is safe.
Journey time to hospital is fairly low on the list.
If you can say that you have done loads of research into a home birth and all potential complications and still want to go ahead then it's your decision.

I did lots of reading as I wanted a home birth for my second DC, but I have a high HIM and it is contraindicated, despite having had a straightforward hospital birth with my first.

what I will say is that your body feels very different in labour and traveling and even walking may become very difficult for you. you just don't know until your doing it.
for me in the end I went for a hospital birth again but with a robust birthing plan (my first birth plan made me laugh till I cried when I re read it about 6 months after my first) and a fully on board assertive birthing partner.

talk to your midwife, do lots of reading, speak to your consultant (if you have one) and get all the facts. then make your decision. but your DH really does need to be on board.

The matter of home births being safer is really not as straight forward as some on here would like to present. Statistically, they are not safer for 1st babies for instance. I'm not totally against them, they can be positive- wouldn't have one myself though (I'm an HCP, and like a few others I've seen how quickly things can go badly wrong)- but women and their partners do have to have all the facts....

What does concern me is the MW telling you that an ambulance will be on standby just for you. Unless that is your trusts policy (and I have never heard of this in any of the trusts I have worked for), I think she has either mislead you or you've misunderstood. It's far more likely that what would be the case is that if your midwife called for an emergency ambulance you'd get a blue light ambulance as a priority. So you'd be one of the 1st in line, but there is no guarantee that an ambulance would be available immediately.

Ultimately, it is your body and you have the final say. But I do need think you need to get to the bottom of what concerns him so much. It's his baby too. If you really can't agree then you do get to make the final call.

BMI*

I realise this discussion is pretty much done, but I just wanted to share something from a GP discussion group I'm on. A colleague had a patient with all the signs of life-threatening asthma. She was begging the ambulance service to send a blue light ambulance - they said they were overstretched and would only upgrade it to blue light if the patient went into cardiac arrest. It took an hour to come.

So anyone who wants a home birth - you're on your own if it goes wrong. Don't expect an ambulance in any timely manner and make your own plans for transfer to the hospital if things go wrong.