To go against DH and labour how I want?

[ListenToYourself]

DH is dead against me having a home birth and shuts the topic down very quickly.

He doesn’t want me to have one and thinks it’s just too dangerous as the hospital is 30 minute drive away anyway.

It’s what I really want. I would feel so much better labouring in my own home, preferably in a pool, which MW has said I’m guaranteed to have access to, unlike the birthing centre where they may not be one available.

DH isn’t keen on the birthing in water idea either, even in a hospital. And says “but if you really must”.

I can’t really afford to rent one out on the off chance the birthing centre don’t have one available.

I’m willing to go into hospital at the first sign of trouble, no issues there at all. At least I got what I wanted - to try a home birth.

But it’s not practical, apparently. And he says even though I am the one in labour, how he feels counts too, since he’s my birthing partner and I don’t want anyone else there.

I agree how he feels does count too, but he won’t even listen to my MW who agrees that it is safe and it isn’t a big risk.

He just feels too anxious about it.

Where do I go from here, since he just won’t listen?

I would feel just so much more relaxed knowing I can try a home birth. I would love to

Home births are statistically safer bc any mother with a hint of a problem births in a hospital, not because there’s a magic attached to the home.

Just remember OP that a birth plan is largely a focus for containing (understandable) anxiety and often bears no relation to what actually happens.

I wanted a lovely water birth too and the midwives spent ages getting the pool ready only for me to step in and realise that the last thing I wanted was to be in water Labour makes one v fickle.

Also. Midwives don’t always show up. Sorry but it’s true. At least in a hospital there will definitely be staff on duty.

I agree I have so many friends who've booked into a home birth to be told there are no midwives available when they go into labour.

However, anyone can give birth at home. So to say any woman with the merest hint of a problem is forced into hospital is wrong

I witnessed an accident last week. I sat on the middle of the road putting pressure on the bleeding wound of a 12 year old while others blocked of the road with their cars and vans to keep us safe.

It was 20 minuets till the police arrived and 30 till an ambulance got there and took over from me. I had my hand on his wound for 45 minuets till they were ready to move him.

He was an absolute priority to the ambulance service and we were a ten minute drive from the hospital.

That felt like an eternity to me, imagine how it would feel if things go wrong in labour. You live to far away from the hospital.

I think with a first my dh probably would feel the same. He'd be freaking out so I'd probably shout at him to get out. Ultimately though you're the one pushing a baby out of you so imo you get the final say.

Even in hospital, 'emergency' c-sections take time, and they don't happen within 5 minutes of the call being made in most cases (often you end up waiting for the theatre to be sterilised and prepared, consent to be done, surgical prep to take place, etc.

Not in my trust. Our theatre is set up to go 24/7. Only the sterile sets need to be opened and it takes minutes to anaesthetise the patient. Consent can just be verbal in severe cases.
From alarm pull in the room, to baby out in less than ten minutes.

I waited 9 hours for my emergency section. To be fair though they were trying to keep my twins in me longer and I had to be transferred to another hospital as not enough nicu beds at the one I was in. Had to wait 4 hours for the ambulance transfer as I was in a place of safety already.

Brats if the theatres are already in use what happens?

I had my 2nd at home and it was a lovely experience. I had a midwife that I knew and trusted and our local hospital still had full services (20 mins away). I also had an easy birth with my first baby in hospital.

I would not have wanted the first one at home because I wouldn't have known what to expect...dont think DH would have been keen either!
If I was expecting now I would not opt for a home birth because the local hospital services have changed and it could 50mins to get to help
Good luck!

Emergencies are categorised, and a crash 1 section is performed within 10 minutes, everywhere. To not be able to do this is a breech of guidelines.
In fact, a women was removed from the theatre for mine (they hadn't started, obviously )

So to say you wait around in hospital isn't true. However, I don't believe the emergency where a section needs to happen in 10 minutes happen with HBs TBH. You're transferred at the first sign, and despite thinking as patients there was no sign this is rare. It's just not a sign the patient picks up on.

Otherwise there is no explanation for the high safety levels of HBs. I haven't looked into it since 2013 when my last was born but at that point there had not been a homebirth death of mother or baby in the UK.

2014 then yours wasn't an emergency in the true sense of the word, it was unplanned.

Hospitals have 2 or 3 theatres and manage them so one is immediately available

I seriously considered a home birth, but DH was really uncomfortable with it and I chose to go for a good hospital with a water pool instead. I am so glad I did because we had emergency after emergency. I was low risk, there was no warning anything might go wrong, it just did. My experience means I would now prioritise hospital every time

I don't know. The babies were coming 7 weeks early I'd consider that rather an emergency. But I wasn't going to die in the next 10 minutes although I felt like I was. But the babies were having problems as time went by so it was becomin rather urgent

The risk of first time home birth, according to the birthplace study:

For women giving birth for the first time in hospital there were adverse outcomes for 5.3 in 1000
For women giving birth for the first time at home there were adverse outcomes for 9.3 in 1000.

Just to be clear about the risk we are discussing here.

I feel that the risk of first time homebirth is being a touch overstated.

While technically true, this statistic obscures the fact that home births that go wrong almost always end up becoming hospital births before the baby is finally delivered (and thus becomes part of the dataset

Sorry if this has been pointed out but this isn’t true. If it starts off as a home birth it’s recorded as one throughout.

I wanted exactly what you wanted for my first - home birth and a pool. Baby was back to back though and I needed a lot of pain relief so I went in. I was only ten minutes from the hospital. If I'd stayed at home the baby would have died as his heart rate plummeted to about 20 bpm due to stress. Ended up with an emergency CS. Thank god I went into hospital. I think any DH or DP gets a say - they're concerned for their wife/partner and baby.

This NHS study says first babies at home are 3 times more likely to have complications:

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/births-at-home-or-in-hospital-risks-explained/

Of course the risk is still very low in absolute terms - but a risk of 9.3 in 1000 is almost twice as high as a risk of 5.3 in 1000. That's too much of a difference for me. (Although it's moot because I have to have one of those terrible hospital births anyway.)

I think your dh is prioritising your child health not your whims. I would never have a home birth, dd1 would have died and killed me, as she was utterly stuck and dd2 would have died to as she was caught up in her cord. No amount of whale music would have helped them.

Agree with bubblebubblepop. The midwives saw potential problems and had made a plan long before we reached the 'critical 10 minute' point. In fact, I couldn't have a crash section as DS was so low down yet so badly stuck that they said there was only one possible exit route. I was seen by a consultant within seconds of arriving in the delivery suite; he saved both of our lives.

I suspect that I'd have been sent for an EMCS if I'd laboured in hospital, as I wouldn't have reached the 'too low down' stage. But, bizarrely, I still consider the home birth part to be a success: back to back, no drugs, etc. DS was nearly 11lb. That was the bit that surprised the community midwives (didn't surprise me, as I am a tiny 5 foot, 7 stone scrap now but was a massive baby - and I was also immense when pg).

My subsequent DC were all ELCS. Too much damage was done the first time to make another vaginal delivery possible.

I was in a midwife led birthing unit when things started to go a little wrong (meconium in waters) it took 20 min to get an ambulance to pick me up and then another half hour to get to hospital.
But it is still your choice not your husbands.

@accrualintentions I've got nothing against a hospital birth, quite happy to have one if that's the way it works out.

Our brains are really bad at accurately assessing risk though. As this thread, and fear of flying rather than fear of car journeys proves.

Bratsandtwats: your post chimes in with my experience. My DM gave consent as I couldn't. Not sure how she ended up in the Delivery Suite with me, but she did. I have never been more grateful for anything in my entire life. I had wanted DH there, but when it came to it, I didn't even notice whether he was.

I will never understand why so many women are reluctant to give birth in hospital. It is the safest place you can be. I blame the NCT and all this hypnobirth crap for sugar coating labour and childbirth. You can't just will it to be straightforward. It probably won't be. Even if it is, you'll likely need stitched up. You can't breathe your way through forceps and stitches. Well you can but it wouldn't do much good and why would you when you can have an epidural?

Our brains are really bad at accurately assessing risk though.

Perhaps. But my brain sees that an additional 4 in 1000 women or their babies (I do appreciate that's a small number) had poor outcomes as a result of choosing home births over hospital settings. I can't be rational and logical about risk when the potential outcome that's being talked about is severe injury or death of my baby.

Brats if the theatres are already in use what happens?

We're very lucky and have 2 maternity theatres available 24/7. If worse came to absolute worst with both in simultaneous use, I think we could get the baby out in the room. Control the bleeding and get the Mother to the first available theatre to finish putting her back together.

I hope we never have to try that theory out

I wanted a home birth too OP but my OH was very nervous.

I decided against it in the end because I needed him to feel relaxed in able to support me.

I had a great pregnancy, very healthy.
I did give birth in hospital, staff were great, minimal interventions, only examinations.
An easy birth but within seconds after birth my baby developed acute distress.
A crash team of peadiatricians were there within seconds, whisked him away literally and were able to give my baby the expert immediate help he needed.
He recovered, and thankfully no lasting ill effects.

I dread to think what the outcome would have been if he had been born at home.