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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairzilla.

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 19/10/2017 16:52

The next thread...

Fingers crossed for a nice update for you all.

OP posts:
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6
WetPaint4 · 20/10/2017 19:18

Take some time and have a think, OP. I think you'll be uncomfortable if you and F1 fall out permanently, you already mentioned potentially having to miss girlie nights etc.

Things should change between you after the way she went on. But consider if you're happy to lose whatever relationship you have, or if you'd rather salvage something and rebuild it on your own terms. You alone know exactly what she said to you and easy it will be to let go.

I'd text her back: "let's give it a few days and maybe talk next week."

Aridane · 20/10/2017 19:18

Ignore my comment above. For reasons not clear to me, it posted hours after I actually typed it. And Kung Fu has explained that updos aren't all about weddings

Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2017 19:21

wet paint it's gone beyond that now.a friend who treated me like that is no friend at all. I would not want anything more to do with her. She is probably thinking of all the cheap hairdo she will loose.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 20/10/2017 19:24

Keep your dignity, you've handled it really well. Do not engage with F1. Added bonus that this will probably drive her bananas! 😉

Iaccidentlykillplants · 20/10/2017 19:26

I wouldn't want to stay friends with her at all, but its Kungfupandas choice. I would tell F1 she made this mess all by herself.

WetPaint4 · 20/10/2017 19:32

Aeroflotgirl you may be right. I'm not sure myself if I'd recover that 'friendship'. But at least the OP will give herself the time and space, rather than at the end of such an emotional couple of days.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/10/2017 19:32

I think @BalloonSlayer's text is absolutely spot on.

And I am beyond gobsmacked at F1's brass neck.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2017 19:33

For me it's gone too far. With no apology on her part. I wpd meet the friendships rarely from her, avoid functions where she's at.

dustarr73 · 20/10/2017 19:34

Im thinking if you are going to answer her......

A poem will be really apt.

So Mn come on give F1 a poem to remember

Mulberry72 · 20/10/2017 19:36

She’s absolutely unbelievable!! She’s paddling away desperately trying to save some face and is showing absolutely no remorse for her shitty behaviour!

I couldn’t go forward from this with her, she’s treated you disgustingly.

mojojojo838 · 20/10/2017 19:36

Oh God yes, a poem.

HashiAsLarry · 20/10/2017 19:37

kung unless there's a reason you'll need to see her over the weekend, take your time on this. Like a pp says, you owe her nothing but I don't think you'll gain anything from rushing a response until you evaluate what you want or need from this from now on. Don't let her or anyone else pressure you either, you need to do what is right for you.

We all know what we'd do, but it's not us going through it. Just remember this wasn't your fault.

NoodleNinja · 20/10/2017 19:37

Oooh cheeky fucker level.....off the scale.

BellaNoche · 20/10/2017 19:37

By heck.... I only went out for the early bird menu at the local Chinese restaurant and return to find CF is back on the job...Grin

I agree that her roots must be showing and is in need of more than an updo and/ or she wants a rematch to show everyone any angry texts from you.
.
Only ever put stuff in written form which you are happy for a wider audience to see.

I am with those who advise no response. Don't play her CF mind games. Hope that you are bearing up ok Kung. xx

MagdalenLaundry · 20/10/2017 19:40

I'd say I am too upset to reply just now after the verbal onslaught

Msqueen33 · 20/10/2017 19:41

I'd probably sleep on it. Only you know her and what she's genuinely like. She's definitely gone about this completely the wrong way though. I'm really angry on your behalf that she's treated you like this and is now expecting you to just accept that awful text and move on and if she hasn't behaved like a CF.

HotelEuphoria · 20/10/2017 19:43

I would reply "F1, please do let me know how I was to blame?" Nothing else that's it

ReanimatedSGB · 20/10/2017 19:44

I'd definitely ignore her for the moment. But save all the texts between you, just in case. Bullies like this sometimes escalate further when they think there is nothing left to lose ie that you will not simply roll over for her - she might become obsessed with trying to punish you for standing up to her.

It's a rotten situation but you are handling it well.

RebootYourEngine · 20/10/2017 19:49

She either wants something or she isnt getting the sympathy that she thought that she would.

Dobopdidoo1 · 20/10/2017 19:55

Hoteleuphoria I would reply "F1, please do let me know how I was to blame?"

This

SeaEagleFeather · 20/10/2017 19:57

I'd say text back "let's forget this ever happened"

Your friendship can never quite be the same but she's been dramatic through the whole thing and this is possibly as close to an apology as you'll ever get.

You've been friends with other people in the group for a long time and while it'd be hard to warm to this woman again, at least the nights out might be ok. Maybe they won't work, or maybe it'll get better in time, but right now it's time to let things cool off.

Right now, least said soonest mended.

Forthispostonly · 20/10/2017 19:58

There once was a rude PTA mum
Who donated your money and then some
She lied to the school
(Really not cool)
No more haircuts for her 'less she wins one

browneyes77 · 20/10/2017 19:59

Wow. Still not taking any responsibility is she I see? Not that I’m all that surprised the way she’s behaved up until now.

She knows full well she’s the one in the wrong, but she doesn’t have the guts to admit it and is still trying to do some self preservation and by saying you’re in the wrong as well, she wants to have something to justify her behaviour last night, because she knows she was out of order. And F2&3 and (probably the PTA lady) have probably all told her she’s behaved like an arse.

It’s up to you whether you feel it is worth keeping hold of this ‘friendship’ (I use that term loosely). Only you know whether there’s anything about her you would still value as a friend (I think we’re all struggling to see what that might be Grin).

So you can either ignore her (although be prepared for her to possibly tell people she tried to reach out to you and you ignored her and for her then to play the victim, I wouldn’t put it past her to use it to try and make you look like the bad guy)

Or, you can send her a message back advising her that at the moment you’re still far too angry and shocked at the ways she’s treated you and spoken to you, to discuss it further. And then give yourself some further time to decide what you want to do and whether you want to respond any further.

I think this woman has shown her true colours and she doesn’t deserve you as a friend, but that’s your call to make, you know her better than we do. You’ve done nothing wrong and have behaved with far more grace, empathy and dignity than she has.

kaitlinktm · 20/10/2017 20:00

I agree with Fluffy - I think she is weighing up what she has to lose, not least of which is mates rates hair styling.

mishfish · 20/10/2017 20:01

Oh wow. We are both in the wrong?!

The only text she should have sent you was ‘I am an absolute massive wanker and I am so sorry for my completely unacceptable behaviour’