Hairzilla.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

The next thread...

Fingers crossed for a nice update for you all.

Kung Fu don't listen to those calling you rash or spiteful!
You know f1, as do f2 and f3 and if f1 was the innocent party then two of your joint friends would not be supporting you!

You have been more than generous and given more opportunities for f1 to fix this than I would! You sound lovely and f1 was trying to take advantage of you! Her horrid abuse last night was completely unjustified! She could have sorted this right at the beginning by apologising and asking you nicely to donate something!

I would reply to the PTA lady, be factual but say you would rather this not impact on f1 and her position on the pta. It is only understandable that the pta lady is concerned about what's happened, she will be concerned about the impact this may have on the school!

You are right to feel good for standings up for yourself, it sounds like this was a long time coming!!!

DioneTheDiabolist silly me

I reckon that deep down CF knows that she has been a massive twat, but she is carrying on with the 'wronged friend' thing as a desperate way of saving some dignity and trying to come out of this on top. You know when you are in an argument, and you realise you are wrong but keep on arguing? ( maybe that's just me )

Once a couple of weeks has gone past she will either apologise (unlikely by the sounds of it), or carry on not talking to you out of sheer embarrassment. Either way she can go and fuck herself

I agree with Tea but... the apology will be just before Christmas when when wants a hair cut and realises how she needs to pay full price for one.

KungFu, I Would hang fire on replyio PTA lady, and give your 2 friends who have children at the school (and whom she knows as parents, presumably) a chance to tell her. Then you can reply simply that yes, you're fine, thanks for asking. She'll think far better of you if you rise above it all now.

I do think it will be helpful to PTA and PTA lady if your other friends do let her know what F1 has done.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you, you must be hurting still and shocked. I do agree that you did the right things and have nothing to reproach yourself with. I hope that this is the end of it, and F1 fades quietly away fro your life and thoseof your real friends.

As the chair of a pta type group, I think k the OP was right to get on and sort this out ASAP.

In order to get people buying in to the activity, eg buying tickets, etc, they'd have had to get printing done, advertising, etc, so that it can go out straight after half term or you lose a big chance of getting people to take part.

OP had no choice but to go to pta when F1 didn't respond to texts and calls, she had to protect her business.

KungFu you handled this marvellously. You were fair and considerate as well as professional. You clearly have your head screwed on so please ignore the few "naysayers" on this thread. I suspect some of them have nothing better to do (and clearly aren't trying to run a small business at the same time as posting on MN). I wish they would have the decency to pack it in. Regardless of events, losing a long time friend is painful (even though it was the right thing to do and you made a hard decision) and I wish people would have more consideration for your feelings. I think you're great.

Previous thread for those asking

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3063565-How-to-get-out-of-something-that-I-didnt-agree-to

For those suggesting that op has put money before friendship to F1, no F1 did that by herself, with her actions. This is a friendship you just don't need. Mabey op is fed up of rising above F1 cheeky behaviour, and this recent behaviour from F1 is the straw that broke the camels back. I would not be happy if friends rocked up to a business just when I am closing and expected a big discount, especially if you start to think about what F1 does for you as a friend, it works both ways.

Also it depends what colour the person wants, what if they want balayage or the ombre look which can take a lot of time, and be quite expensive £150 plus, op business would be at a lose. Money aside, F1 should never ever had volunteered op services without asking her first, and telling PTA that op had ok it when she had not, that is unacceptable, that is the behaviour that cost the friendship! Then instead of apologising to op, and trying to make things right, reaching a compromise with op, she throws her toys out of her pram and hurls abuse at op. That is not a good friend, I am sorry you found that out now ,how she is really like.

I'm trying to put myself in the op's situation to see how I'd feel but, try as I might, I just cannot visualise a scenario where one of my good friends would volunteer my services without running it past me. It just wouldn't happen. Even if, at a stretch, they did in the heat of the excitement of a PTA meeting they would surely the next morning ring me and fess up and check it was do-able? Not wait until flyers were printed and it was too late for me to back out.

You called her out, she refused to discuss. I don't see that you had any choice but to do what you did op.

No school wants a nasty person capable of such deceit and bullying towards anyone, let alone a friend, on their pta. For this reason, the chair of the pta should be told about the verbal abuse as F1 isn't suitable to be in a position of trust or responsibility.

I don't understand the people arguing on Hairzilla's side.
Would anyone really be OK with a friend donating a big chunk of their wages?

While I agree that most people would give money for their friends, on the other hand true friends would not give away money from one another!

Hairzilla had a good chance to sort it herself and apologise, but she didn't, hence it had to be resolved direct with the PTA.

People who are standing up for her, I just hope you don't treat your friends like this.

What a nasty piece of work she is.
I do think that unfortunately for her she is about to learn a valuable lesson about venting social media- it has a habit of biting you on the arse!
You are handling it all so well. You should be proud of yourself!

People are entitled to their opinions but sometimes you have to decide if it's kind or helpful to give it. Slating the OP and advising after the fact how she could have behaved serves only to further tear her down when she's already had a kicking from a 'friend' who put her in a bad position then refused to help her out of it.

This wasn't a miscommunication, or an error. Maybe F1 is a decent person usually but then... surely she would have told the OP what she'd done when she'd done it. Or admitted it was wrong when she found out OP wasn't happy. Or offered to pay. Or engaged in any way with the OP. Or spoken quietly to the PTA herself. Her first thought wasn't to help her friend out of a slightly sticky situation, her concern was self-preservation.

I just feel that any person insulting the OP or concerned about F1's embarrassment or believing this could have been sorted with a nice phone call in a day or two is imagining F1 with a completely different personality type to the one we've been reading about.

Kungfu please get your threads deleted else it will really kick off if it hits the Mail!

Wow. Have just got up to speed.

Sorry about all the unpleasantness Kung, you don't sound like an aggressive or vindictive person and it can be hard to stand up for yourself sometimes.

I think you have handled everything very reasonably, shame your bonkers previous F1 is to putting it bluntly; one crazy bee-yatch!

She will probably come to regret posting the self-pitying post on FB as it has made the whole story public. Honestly, I would have paid to watch a movie about this on Netflix. I'm not saying that to minimise or make light of it all but just... wow.

Onwards and upwards, Kung!

Yes I think I'd delete now.

However you should absolutely think about changing the name of your salon to Hairzilla's

But nobody is slating the op and nobody is defending cf

Just catching up OP. How horrible that F1 felt the need to put it all over Facebook. I'm glad F2 stood up for you though.

BitOutofOractice . We get that you are above all this drama. You have said this many times on this thread. I wonder how many more times you will keep coming back to this thread to say it.

I don't why posters keep saying to get the thread deleted. There are ways to archive online postings. Even if it's deleted, one can still 'view' them. Even threads that's been deleted can still be viewed from cached. From my understanding, OP have posted before and I'm sure she's aware of how the lazy tabloid journalists get their articles.

I'd wonder if CF F1 is having some kind of breakdown if it isn't her normal behaviour. Maybe she needs some support. She must realise you would find out about 'your' donation at some time. She could have easily mentioned it to you. Why didn't she? Does she often have facebook rants like that?

" Can't believe a friend I would have once trusted with my life, would stab me in the back like they have done today. Always been there for you, never done you wrong and always had your back. After today you're dead too me."

I've heard about a fr-enemy's infamous facebook rants. Our friendship broke down after I refused to lend/give her money, I wasn't the only one asked so I didn't bear the brunt of her anger.

Our friendship involved me doing quite a lot for her, her breaking promises, letting me down and taking credit for my hard work. She was an exciting person to have in my life but she came with a lot of baggage. Having time-out from the friendship was good for me. I heard a lot of comments she made about me which a true friend would have kept to herself.

I've manage to salvage the 'friendship' as we have friends in common and all socialise together. She tries to pull me back into her circus. I could never trust her again.

Kungfu I just wanted to jump on bord with a virtual high five of support. It s not easy to stick up for yourself especially if there s a pattern within a friendship. It s horrible that your friend was unable to apologise back down or even see the wrong and absolute bonkerness of offering your services without consulting you, then refusing completely to apologise or when she was given the chance by the other two to pay 15 of it so it would still stand .... anyway the whole scenario seems mad. I hope you feel better today