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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school due to death of pet?

166 replies

Banananaaa · 18/10/2017 23:46

We have just had to have DPony PTS. Shes had a good old innings, shes 36 and we have owned her for 22 of those years. She was my first pony and taught both DSs to ride.

DS1 (13) absolutely adores her and in these later years even those shes now retired she has been what I would quite clearly call his pony. He spends time with her before and after school, he takes her for walks, reads his books to her and does his homework sitting in her paddock.

We found her collapsed in the stable tonight, vet reckoned her liver was failing, and we have had her PTS. DS is understandably devastated and finally cried himself to sleep about 15 mins ago.

He has some health issues anyway which mean he is easily fatigued and I know getting him up at 7 for school tomorrow is going to be hell on earth, and he would struggle to manage the day even if he was just tired, without the emotional stuff on top.

Its the last day before half term and all morning, he has PE so its not like they will be doing loads academically, however on the other side, she was a pony and I don't know how the school will feel on a days absence due to that.

AIBU to keep him off or take him in late tomorrow? Or should I just take him in as normal?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 19/10/2017 09:39

AFAIK , the OP has never used the term family bereavement and this thread is at risk of being derailed by people trying to compare the death of a horse to the death of a parent . I've owned 5 ponies and horses , we don't sell anything so once they arrive they stay for life . When we lost our 3rd I was completely devastated . She had been my first horse , I had owned her for almost 20 yrs and she wasn't just a pet , she was my best friend , my confidante, she had looked after me through so much including the sudden death of my 50yr father . She was the the one who knew all of my secrets and deepest thoughts . I had nursed her all night on more than a few occasions and she had more or less done the same for me . I was bereaved and 20 yrs on I can still cry when I think about her in exactly the same way as I do about my beloved father . Sorry for all people who have suffered a bereavement , but everyone's experience is different and nobody has a right to tell anybody what does or doesn't compare .

SuburbanRhonda · 19/10/2017 10:02

But like all threads, floral, people reply to different posts. No one has suggested the OP was planning to describe the loss as a family bereavement. It was another poster's suggestion.

I replied to that to explain how it wouldn't be a good idea from the point of view of the school being able to support the child.

TheNoodlesIncident · 19/10/2017 10:36

Hope YOU are coping Banananaaa Flowers It's just horrible Sad I'm so sorry

Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:14

Typed a long post and lost it typical!!

DS1 has stayed at home. He did get up as normal, and I took him into school, but as soon as it got time to come out of the car he just broke down and they have said to bring him home and to try and take him in for lunch.

Gemmie isnt the first horse ive lost - we had another one PTS about 3 years ago, and ive been with friends for theirs, but this has just left me heartbroken really. She was a genuine part of our family, and although I knew the time was coming, I also thought she go on forever if that makes sense. I used to joke that she just wouldnt die . Not so funny now. Going out there this morning was honestly one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. I know it sounds melodramatic, but shes been there through everything and for her not to be berating me, or headbutting me cos she wants a treat is just ... I miss her.

She was so gentle with DS, despite being a literal grumpy old mare with everyone else as shes aged, and shes been with him through everything. She was always one of the first one he told any news to good or bad, sometimes even before me.

Heres a gratuitous shot of her not long ago having broken out of the bare paddock shes in for health reasons into the garden where there was grass which is just typical of the silly old thing.

Thanks for everyones points of view on it .. it gave me the courage to speak to the school, and tell DS id keep him off if it was too much for him. Taking him in after lunch is a nice compromise and hopefully his friends can distract him, and hell be out the way whilst shes moved as I dont think he needs to see that tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:28

Never mind cant upload the photo .. sigh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:28

Never mind cant upload the photo .. sigh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:28

Never mind cant upload the photo .. sigh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:28

Never mind cant upload the photo .. sigh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:28

Never mind cant upload the photo .. sigh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:28

Never mind cant upload the photo .. sigh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Banananaaa · 19/10/2017 11:32

Sorry didnt mean to post that so many times!

To keep DS off school due to death of pet?
OP posts:
Spudlet · 19/10/2017 11:51

Gorgeous pony. 'Why yes, I AM in your garden. What of it?' Grin

I hope your ds feels better soon. And you. Flowers

fairyofallthings · 19/10/2017 13:03

What a gorgeous, gorgeous pony Sad
How is your DS now OP?

Gazelda · 19/10/2017 13:22

I don’t have a single pet/animal friendly bone in my body. But I absolutely know you made the right decision today OP. And I truly sympathise with your loss. Your beautiful friend has gone, there is a huge hole in your life. I honestly get why you are so devastated.
I hope you and your DS will, in time, be comforted by lovely memories of the strongest of friendships Flowers

littlechou · 19/10/2017 13:27

Gorgeous pony, she looks like she had a lot of character!

FizzyGreenWater · 19/10/2017 13:31

Oh no, I'm so sorry OP Flowers

TheScottishPlay · 19/10/2017 13:34

We did this last year when DS (13) rabbit who had been his beloved companion for 5 years died very suddenly. He was beside himself and no one slept.
It was his first, tough year at secondary and I was also fearful of him breaking down at school and people thinking 'It's just a rabbit'.

TheScottishPlay · 19/10/2017 13:35

Sorry for your loss. A precious beauty.

BewareOfTheToddler · 19/10/2017 13:35

So sorry for you, she looks like such a character. That's exactly the expression my cat gives me when I catch her somewhere she shouldn't be: "And? Come on, minion, what are you going to do about it?!"

Flowers for you and your DS

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 13:37

Sorry for your loss OP Sad

But I have to agree with this
People posting "just say he's ill" demonstrate perfectly why it's impossible to know who is genuine when so many people advocate lying to the school.

When people complain about being harangued for having sick days, they might want to consider that this is the reason

AnUtterIdiot · 19/10/2017 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinysarah1985 · 19/10/2017 13:40

Yes def let him have the day off. Some people would say it’s only an animal, but they become part of the family. I dred the day my dog dies and i need to tell my little girl.

Blodplod · 19/10/2017 13:46

Sorry for your loss OP. Flowers. All I can say is when I lost my horse in March I literally couldn't stop crying for about 48 hours. Not just the odd eye well up, or a brief sob but proper full on crying for 2 days. But that's just me. My horse was like a daughter. I don't expect everyone to understand that, but those that don't understand I've no time for anyhow. Grin and I wouldn't value or listen to any opinion they had to offer. Same for employers, if I hadn't been given any empathy then it wouldn't be a company I feel I could work with/for. I haven't read all the posts and seen whether you kept your son off school, but if it were me I would have done and treated it the same as a bereavement of a family member which is what our pets are. Members of the family and deserve the same respect, love and compassion as any human being.

Blodplod · 19/10/2017 13:53

Just re read thread and seen your photos. Lovely mare.. I'm in tears reading this. Brings back so many memories. Hope you're ok OP. I got some tail hair and had a lovely bracelet made and my DH had a huge photo frame engraved with her name to hang on wall with about 8 photos. Such lovely memories.

parklives · 19/10/2017 20:40

The most terrible loss losing a horse/pony. I don’t know why they get under your skin more than any other pet.