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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school due to death of pet?

166 replies

Banananaaa · 18/10/2017 23:46

We have just had to have DPony PTS. Shes had a good old innings, shes 36 and we have owned her for 22 of those years. She was my first pony and taught both DSs to ride.

DS1 (13) absolutely adores her and in these later years even those shes now retired she has been what I would quite clearly call his pony. He spends time with her before and after school, he takes her for walks, reads his books to her and does his homework sitting in her paddock.

We found her collapsed in the stable tonight, vet reckoned her liver was failing, and we have had her PTS. DS is understandably devastated and finally cried himself to sleep about 15 mins ago.

He has some health issues anyway which mean he is easily fatigued and I know getting him up at 7 for school tomorrow is going to be hell on earth, and he would struggle to manage the day even if he was just tired, without the emotional stuff on top.

Its the last day before half term and all morning, he has PE so its not like they will be doing loads academically, however on the other side, she was a pony and I don't know how the school will feel on a days absence due to that.

AIBU to keep him off or take him in late tomorrow? Or should I just take him in as normal?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 19/10/2017 07:39

I had to collect both DS2 (12) and dd(7) from school when we had a cat PTS. I sent them both in as I thought it would take their minds off it rather than being home but both schools phoned me to ask me to pick them up. DS1(14) was fine though.

I agree with others - see how it goes.

Flowers
Kailoer · 19/10/2017 07:43

I hope you let him stay off if that's what he wanted

Grief hits us all in different ways, such a sad loss for your poor boy

Pets deaths have affected me badly in the past, surprisingly to me

Llanali · 19/10/2017 07:43

I'd keep him off. Deaths of ponies and dogs always qualified in my family.

Just a word- I'm sure you know this but just in case. If your son is at home, don't let him see when they come to collect the darling pony. I wouldn't watch if I were you either. Over many years I have held many a horse for PTS but I try to never watch the collection.

I wish you all warmth and good memories in time to come.

MintyChops · 19/10/2017 07:47

So sorry about your DPony and agree with others saying to ask your DS what he would like to do about going to school then honour that choice.

Flowers for you, such a sad shock you have had.

PandorasXbox · 19/10/2017 07:51

Animals are family of course but calling it a family bereavement is misleading.

Keep him off OP.

Sallystyle · 19/10/2017 07:57

I am sorry for your loss OP Thanks

I would keep him off too and I would be honest. A loss of a much loved pet is a valid reason to have a day off school.

Scribblegirl · 19/10/2017 07:59

I would keep him off. I worked from home when out cat died unexpectedly last month; my logic to my boss being I was perfectly capable of working but wanted to be able to get upset/cry as needed and I didn't have the emotional energy to put a brace face on. I think TBH that's enough of an issue before factoring in the fatigue OP's son has. I was in the next day when I'd had the opportunity to rally and put the face on (although I've still had a few instances of nipping to the loos for a cry and it's been 3 weeks).

user838383 · 19/10/2017 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2017 08:05

Aw keep him off.

So very sorry about your pony. I know I'd be distraught too...

Hope he managed some decent sleep Flowers

JigglyTuff · 19/10/2017 08:13

I would keep him off. And agree with with Llanali - don't let him see them take the pony away.

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Sallystyle · 19/10/2017 08:19

Otherwise he'll sit around and mull and upset himself even more. It's also probably a good life lession in coping with grief - life goes on and you have to go on with it.

It's fine to be upset. It is perfectly fine to sit around and cry when you have lost a much loved pet.

It's not something someone should be discouraged from doing if that is what they need to do.

I really don't understand how making him go to school is a life lesson in handling grief? Yes life does go on but making a child go to school who has just lost a pony less than 24 hours ago is not providing them with a life lesson. Except perhaps that his feelings don't really matter and he needs to suck it up and get on with it.

mydogisthebest · 19/10/2017 08:21

So sorry for your loss. I hope you are ok. I was distraught when my dog died at 11 so I can't imagine losing a pet you have had for 22 years.

I would keep your son home. He has known the pony all his life and, as you say, obviously felt very close to her

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 19/10/2017 08:21

I would keep him off

Unless he really wanted to go in, if he does i would tell the school that you want him home if he is at all distressed

Thanks
Mrsmadevans · 19/10/2017 08:23

Ahhh bless him
I am so sorry my dear it is so upsetting at that age
yes definitely keep him off
I hope you all feel comfort from being together

Ropsleybunny · 19/10/2017 08:24

So sorry to read about DPony. I fully understand the distress this has caused. Of course your DS should stay off school. Sending lots of love ❤️️❤️️❤️️

qazxc · 19/10/2017 08:27

Let him decide. He might rather go into school to tale his mind off it. I don't see Tha one day off school under the circumstances would be a bad thing.

Tainbri · 19/10/2017 08:28

Yes, I agree with day off. My DS stayed off when his dog died, but I did tell the school the truth.

KarmaNoMore · 19/10/2017 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldfishCrackers · 19/10/2017 08:34

Let him have the day off and be honest with school. When DS’s pet died I did this and school were very understanding.

tehmina23 · 19/10/2017 08:35

Interested in this thread as my cat's dying and I may need to ask for time off when she's pts as I will be devastated..

Sorry for the loss of your pony OP

iBiscuit · 19/10/2017 08:36

I'm withSomerville in my dislike of "family bereavement" for the loss of a pet. Losing a pet really is nothing like losing a close relative.

This is a pony though, not a gerbil that's been in your lives 18 months and done fuck all other than hang around its cage. Your poor ds must be devastated.

I would be completely honest - people (including those of us who have experienced real family bereavement) will understand.

Spudlet · 19/10/2017 08:37

Keep him off if that's what he wants. The bond between a person and a horse can be so special, it's. it surprising that he's devastated. Tell them the truth - that you had an unexpected crisis last night, that you lost a beloved animal and that you think that between the grief and fatigue, your ds is not fit for school.

I know it's a hard thing for you who are left behind, but she sounds like she had a great life and died surrounded by the people who loved her best, without going gradually downhill. I used to work in equine welfare, and not all horses get that. She sounds like she was a lucky old pony. Flowers

SuburbanRhonda · 19/10/2017 08:50

I much rather face a fine or being told off by school than sending a devastated child to school when he is likely to be upset and prone to tears during the day.

The LA won't fine for a day's unauthorised absence 🙄

Scribblegirl · 19/10/2017 09:07

I'm withSomerville in my dislike of "family bereavement" for the loss of a pet. Losing a pet really is nothing like losing a close relative.

I know you said 'close' but it just goes to prove that you can't put a blanket rule on things. I was much more upset when our cat died than when my uncle died last year, and work were prepared to give me two days of compassionate leave for that. You can't just draw a line, relationships are different for everyone.

MrsSeverusSnape · 19/10/2017 09:19

A couple of months ago I kept my 13yo off school because the day before he had been up since 4am supporting me in early labour (DH was on an early shift) and then had spent the day helping his grandparents with his little brother. I told the school exactly why I was keeping him at home and they were in agreement with me that it was justified.

I hope you've decided to keep DS home, and that the school has been understanding.