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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when your DC felt like a real person to you?

56 replies

WonderLime · 18/10/2017 22:49

I'm just wondering when that moment of realisation hit that this little being is a real, tiny little person. Was it a sign soon as they were born? Before? When they said their first word? Or strung a sentence together?

My DC is 12 weeks and I see elements of personhood in him - like now I've found out he's ticklish on his chest, or a certain song that makes him smile. But overall it still feels like being a baby and having personhood are seperate things to me, and he hasn't quite developed full 'personhood', if that makes sense.

When did you first think that you had a real little person?

OP posts:
Theresamayscough · 18/10/2017 22:52

First giggle at something he had seem.

First proper no and yes so making choices.
It’s all tits up from there really
Grin

MrLovebucket · 18/10/2017 22:52

6 months old when he started to crawl.

Anecdoche · 18/10/2017 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

friendlessme · 18/10/2017 22:55

I think it is when they start showing they have opinions on things so laughing, refusing to eat etc. When they start interacting - so they might not speak yet but you can have a ‘conversation’ of sorts. First three months they don’t really do much at all! You have got it all to come very soon I’d say!

AnathemaPulsifer · 18/10/2017 22:58

About 9 months with my first. Earlier with my second as I was more tuned in.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 18/10/2017 22:59

I think they go up a personhood notch at about 6 months and again at 12 and 18 months. By the time they are 2 they will not tolerate not being thought of as a person and will make this very clear Grin

Theresamayscough · 18/10/2017 23:00

The most exciting thing I think is seeing how different each child is. I
Mean they are half you and half your partner but are still completely their own personality. We have 5 kids and it’s bizare they are all brought up the same but have totally diffetent personalities interests and talents From day 1.

That’s so exciting

LuchiMangsho · 18/10/2017 23:00

A bit later with my first. But closer to a year. DS2 was born with personality. And at 6 months is full of personality. I love it when he plays with his brother. The look of sheer delight on his face. And he has fairly clear likes and dislikes.

Shodan · 18/10/2017 23:48

With ds2, it was when he was a couple of days old. The little so-and-so wouldn't latch onto the breast properly and all the expressing + attempting feeding was getting me down.

I was having another go, with him still not latching on, and I said to him (all schoolmarm-like Grin) "Come along ds2, if you don't get the hang of this soon I'll have to take you to the special clinic to see the boobie lady". Two seconds later he latched on and we were off...

It was like he actually listened and did as he was told Grin.

That was the moment.

DaisyRaine90 · 18/10/2017 23:59

The first time they ever cried. You know, moments after being born 😊

Sashkin · 19/10/2017 00:06

We’d assigned him a personality before he was born (stubborn and awkward) due to pregnancy problems and his tendency to kick me in the liver.

After he was born, he had a very expressive face and some very clear likes and dislikes, so he seemed like a little person from day one. Obviously not a person like an adult, but far more of a personality than a pet cat or something.

Morphene · 19/10/2017 03:29

About the same time I realised she hated me...ie. from birth.

mumoffour1716154 · 19/10/2017 08:34

Parent of 4 - I don’t know with first born as didn’t realise or so obviously note the different phases, but by second child and their personality became apparent from birth

furryelephant · 19/10/2017 10:02

@Morphene why do you feel she hates you? Sad

Morphene · 19/10/2017 10:42

Ah I don't any more...but it was a traumatic birth and I spent about 6 months feeling like she was crying because she hated me and knew what a worthless idiot I was.

She was just so forceful somehow...I still feel a little like she erodes my sense of self...I become only part human while she is a full person who needs/desires trump everything.

Also she was big and physically strong, to the point that when she was 3/4 days old it took 3 adults to get a blood sample, and they gave up on doing a lumbar puncture on her after 30 minutes of fighting! Her Moro reflex caused her to hit the sides of the plastic hospital crib/bucket with her fists so hard she brought the nurses running on more than one occasion.

PinkHeart5914 · 19/10/2017 10:45

The moment they were born, you have this tiny little baby in your arms and then they cry 😍

kaytee87 · 19/10/2017 10:45

Soon after he was born Smile

Nonibaloni · 19/10/2017 10:51

In the blurry postpartum phase. My cousin and mum were discussing how he liked Lionel Richie more than Mozart and preferred the soft to fluffy to feel (pfb obviously). I remember thinking 'wow, I didn't know that, I'm so pleased they told me' completely batshit situation but I realised I wouldn't know everything about him always. Suddenly I could see me waiting by the phone for a call from uni.

lelapaletute · 19/10/2017 10:52

Hah, Morphene, feel you on the big strong forceful front! Such a shock when you're expecting a tiny wee helpless sleepy baby. DD was born a bit dopey because of all my pain relief (bad labour) but by day 3 she was permanently rigid, little legs pedalling constantly, could barely raise her elbows from her sides to change her - she felt wiry! She's now 8 months and moving/crawling/cruising/standing, and I've only just noticed shes more soft and 'poseable' when relaxed. My theory has always been she just HATES being a baby! The more she can do for herself the more easygoing she gets. Hope your LO is also less overwhelming as she's growing up! Xx

gherkinperkin · 19/10/2017 10:57

Right from the start. He felt very much still like part of me for the first couple of months, but at he same time, also his own person. He’s now 7 months and I am loving seeing him develop further.

Whatsername17 · 19/10/2017 10:58

I think it came in stages for me. At the time, as soon as I got the positive test they were 'real'. Then the first scan (in an 'oh my god they've got legs! kind of way.) Seeing them for the first time. Their first reactions to things. Having another baby and realising how different they are from the very beginning. It is hammered home when my now 6 year old offers a firm opinion on something though!

TieGrr · 19/10/2017 11:02

When she was a week old, I wrapped her up nicely in the blankets like all the books told me to do. She kicked and kicked at the blankets until her legs were free then fell fast asleep. That was the first 'huh, she has her own mind' moment.

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/10/2017 11:02

Probably when they became more aware of their surroundings and interacted personally more - so for me that was when they began knowingly smiling. The light shone out of them from that point on but changed on an almost daily basis. I think I remember looking at dd a couple of months ago when she was 9mo and suddenly thinking 'Wow! She's not so much a helpless baby any more as a little girl in the making!'

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 19/10/2017 11:22

Much quicker with my second (like within a week or so) as with your first, it's not clear what's their personality and what's just being a baby.

Whereas with subsequent babies you have your first to compare them to so you can recgnise their indivduality earlier.

So, you probably are seeing your baby's personality now, but you won't know which aspects those were till later.

bigfatbumfreak · 19/10/2017 12:30

When pregnant, thats when i started to respect them, by eating well, not drinking. I was already looking after them.