... to be annoyed at school asking for money so aggressively?

[HoneyBadgerApparently]

My sons school have been asking for £10 ‘activity money’ since the start of term. At first it started with letters, then texts, and now today a letter that has a big spiel frankly shaming the people who haven’t paid and saying they will be speaking to individual parents if the money isn’t paid in the next couple of weeks. It’s a non-faith state school and at no point have they stated the donation is voluntary. My husband is an accountant and I was (now a SAHM) and we know the school shouldn’t do this.
We live in an area of very mixed incomes. We’re lucky enough to be able to afford to pay this sort of thing without an issue (we paid on this first day, the reminders go out to everyone), however some of the parents at the school are struggling to buy their kids a warm coat never mind money for pantomimes, charity christmas cards, own clothes day, trips etc and with multiple kids it all adds up. It doesn’t mean these parents care less about their child’s education! Today in the playground I could hear a mother worriedly telling a friend they didn’t have the money (she had 3 kids with her, £30 could be their weekly food shop…)
AIBU to mention to a staff member that they should legally be stating the donation is voluntary? And not shaming people! I don’t want to be ‘that’ mum, but I feel like they are bullying people who likely don’t know this is optional. The letter sounds more like a bailiff letter than a school that should be supporting vulnerable families.

We have this sort of thing at our school. Majority of families are very comfortably off. Those that aren't definitely try to keep up with all the trips etc that go on. There are quite a few at our school. When i was class rep and i sent out those begging letters for class teacher gifts i was always really careful to say it was voluntary and please do your pwn thing if you'd prefer (i know many mums who make up a gift bag for a much loved teacher). I hate this shaming crap. I do wonder if the parents they're hassling are in fact wealthy and havent coughed up!!! Just a thought.

We were shamed in year 2 ( had genuinely overlooked a payment for something) by having our dd's name written on a whiteboard at the front of the classroom at morning time when all the children were brought in by their parents with the names of the other children whose parents hadn't paid. It was horrific

she said I feel attacked, you’re attacking me, you’re making me uncomfortable mentioning laws, no one has been pressurised.

Gah, I hate this tactic, and that is all it is. People who say this sort of thing invariably don't feel in the least attacked or uncomfortable, they say it in order to wrongfoot the other person. How on earth could a mention of what the law says make her uncomfortable, unless of course she realised the school was on shaky ground legally?

I was recently in a meeting with parents who were simply trying to get their local council to do their jobs in terms of providing for their child's special needs. The mother became understandably upset and her voice rose fractionally. Instantly the council bod became all holier-than-thou about how this was making her feel uncomfortable; but she didn't look in the least uncomfortable and was very clearly trying to make the mother feel bad, and was in danger of succeeding. I couldn't resist intervening and saying that the mother's tone was not aggressive, no rational person could possibly have felt uncomfortable as a reaction to that, and it was extremely unhelpful that she seemed to be using these tactics to shut the parents up. She reiterated, sounding sulky this time, that she did feel uncomfortable, so there; I was glad to hear the mother chime in and say that maybe it was because she was having to defend the indefensible, but that wasn't their fault.

OP I'm sorry you had this experience, but I think you're fantastic! Please don't feel bad about crying in the meeting - you did nothing wrong and I think you're showing tremendous tenacity and good grace. However this Assistant Head sounds terrible and I hate her attitude of "it's nothing to do with you" - as if people should only ever be concerned with themselves and never ever about others, or, god forbid, the principle at stake. It is HER appalling behaviour that should now trigger further action.

May I suggest that you, when you have a moment of calm, write down what happened and what was said in the meeting? I think it's particularly important to state that you approached the AH informally, in the spirit of constructive feedback, so they might put it right. She clearly has no intention of doing this, and doesn't seem to see the problem.

Most worryingly, she seems to think that 1) it's the responsibility of a parent who's being harassed for money, to approach the AH to beg for an exception, rather than it's the responsibility of the school to make clear that all contributions are voluntary, and 2) she stated that the school was after those who just weren't paying, not those families who were struggling - what doesn't she understand about the word "voluntary"? It applies to ALL families. and 3) no action was taken with regard to sending out a clarifying text/email about charges.

I hope you now make a formal complaint.

soon as I mentioned the legal side she said I feel attacked, you’re attacking me, you’re making me uncomfortable

Ah yes, the "you're being nasty to me" tactic - otherwise known as getting her defence in first because she knows she's in the wrong. Sadly, the railroading you to the point you were upset is part of the same thing; keep it up long enough in the hope the person raising the issue can be made to feel they're the one at fault

I absolutely detest this constant chiselling for cash and it's getting worse (and more aggressive) because it's been allowed to by not enough being said. As PPs have suggested, you need to escalate this as far as you can and get them reigned in without delay

This is ridiculous! Especially considering that schools are given extra funding (via the pupil premium) for those children who qualify for free school meals! This funding is meant to close the attainment gap!!!

They should NOT be putting pressure on already vulnerable families!
My husband and I have been on both sides economically, my dh had a very well paying job offshore! Unfortunately he had to give up his job when I became severely disabled, as he had to become my full time carer and look after our then four and two year olds. We survived on savings and the good will of our parents, until a charity became involved and we finally had benefits that supported us.

We are on benefits still (my health has progressively worsened) and both of our children are entitled to free school meals. Thankfully my daughters school are fantastic, despite being a rural school we are never pressured for money! The school has a fantastic pta which my dh is a member of and the PTA make a good amount of money through regular fundraising, which involves the local community.

Pressuring already vulnerable families is disgraceful! We have a very tight budget, my dh takes several hours to do our weekly shop, as he goes to several different stores, in order to get the most out of the money we have! We budget carefully! We can't afford to just hand over money because the school demands it!

Sorry op, I hadn't read your updates earlier!

The assistant head is behaving disgracefully!!! Unfortunately I have been on the receiving end of this tactic and it is not pleasant! I advise that any future communication is in writing (preferably in email) this will hopefully stop this head from behaving so manipulatively!

I have been accused of 'demonizing the school through its figurehead', just for pointing out previous agreed actions that had not come to completion! I didn't bother replying, I went straight to the Head's boss, as in Scotland that was the Quality Improvement Officer at our local education department. I wrote out a timeline of what had been going on, as well as attaching several emails where Head had been rude and unprofessional. I included the fact that as a professional myself (primary teacher before health declined), I was disgusted at her attitude of superiority towards myself and my husband.

Thankfully the QIO was horrified and the HT was forced to apologise to me in writing and in person. It might have been forced but it allowed me to get my point across!

In your situation, I suggest that you write a timeline of events. Gather copies of the school newsletters demanding money. Write an account of what happened with your friend, both on her visit to the office, then when you accompanied her. Then write an account of your meeting with HT (including the intimidating environment, intimidating voice, the constant 'I feel attacked' when you were being calm and reasonable and her refusal to listen to what you were saying) Explain that you felt incredibly intimidated to the point you ended up in tears and apologising, when you had nothing to apologise for!!!

Mention their text which is far too little too late! Make sure to list policy/ law that you know is being disregarded here Ask also why the school are not utilising the pupil premium which is available for each child who qualifies for free school meals! As a school with half of the pupils entitled to free school meals and therefore the pp, it seems ridiculous that poorer families are being pressurised for money!!! The pupil premium is there to fund this sort of eventuality!!!

Then contact the board of governors / education department (depending on your location) and ask who you need to speak to in order to make a complaint about the intimidating behaviour of the assistant head and the fraudulent and disgraceful pressure being placed upon financially vulnerable families!

You need to complain, the assistant head is a bully and is sitting smugly, thinking she has intimidated you into silence! When you get a reply, its likely that the assistant head will be copied in on the email! Don't worry, they won't want to lash out in front of their boss!

The 'I feel attacked' is a classic defensive strategy. I wouldn't take it personally she was trying to put you off.

Just to add to this thread, I don't think Ofsted are the right people to complain to in this circumstance. It's not within their remit.

I think it's the DfE who would handle this. Although I presume that they would also insist that you have followed the school's complaints procedure first.

OFSTED inspects on use of PP. Here:

“Use of the pupil premium

159. Inspectors will gather evidence about the use of the pupil premium in relation to the following key issues:
     ■ the level of pupil premium funding received by the school in the current academic year and levels of funding received in previous academic years
     ■ how leaders and governors have spent the pupil premium, their rationale for this spending and its intended impact
     ■ any differences made to the learning and progress of disadvantaged pupils as shown by outcomes data and inspection evidence.

160. Inspectors will recommend an external review of the school’s use of the pupil premium if they identify weakness regarding the provision and outcomes for disadvantaged pupils. The form of words to be used in the inspection report is:”

(https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/653701/Schoollinspectionhandbookksection_5.doc)

This is relevant regarding the OP’s school office staff claiming someone whose child (who was in receipt of PP) would simply miss out if they didn’t pay up.

This details the complaints procedure regarding State schools.

www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/state-schools

You can complain to OFSTED if:

“you think a school isn’t run properly and needs inspecting
you’ve already followed the school’s complaints procedure, and have approached the DfE or EFA”

Kalifornia ”I do wonder if the parents they're hassling are in fact wealthy and havent coughed up!!! Just a thought.”

It doesn’t matter if the parents are millionaires it is still not lawful to insist they contribute to the school’s budget like this.

Reading this thread in horror - my child will start school next year and we will (unless DP gets his euronillions!) be on a tight budget... if we had received such letters myself, we would probably be in the same position as the other mother and tried my utmost to pay even if we really couldn't . I would not have known any better, and would have felt so ashamed not to pay.

Thank you for what you are doing, and to all other clues-up pp for providing information.

(Again in horror at the mistakes in my comment - been a long day, sorry)

Well done OP, it's good to know there are people like you around the school who will challenge.

magpiemischief some really interesting info and advice on here thank you.

Our school used to behave like this - the school office kept a list of which children had brought in their termly contribution and which had not.

I used to send it in a plain envelope with no clue who it was from. I understand that budgets are tight, but it is voluntary and bugger them if they are going to keep a list to name and shame people who cannot afford to do the same. I encouraged others to do the same, and I hope it helped the school think about what it was doing by keeping such a list

I had something similar, but not as bad with my DD's school. I had forgotten to send in the 'voluntary' payment (along with a few others) and the teacher picked out the non payers and excluded them from an activity.
I was furious. Emailed Head very politely and asked if the payment was indeed voluntary or not and how very unfair and unkind it was to exclude children in this way.
Head apologised and as far as I know it didn't happen again while DD in this class.

That sounds horrible. I'm so sorry they treated you like that.

Out of interest, does anyone know if they are allowed to charge for staff on residential trips? DD going on overnight trip 2 nights away and the cost is much higher than last year with a vague reference to "staffing costs" in the letter by way of explanation.

user1471529457 Of course they need to make up the cost of staff going on the trip as part of the cost of the trip. The staff wouldn't get paid for their time doing the trip, but there will be costs incurred such as accommodation and food and things like that. Hope that makes sense?

OP this definitely needs following up, you are totally correct in being angry about this.

user, staffing costs might also refer to teaching staff they need to bring into to the school to cover for the staff who are away on the residential.

Your friend could actually go to the police, what that receptionist did could well fall under extortion laws.

For yourself op in your position I would be writing to anybody and everybody (dfe, ofsted, lea, MP, local paper...) who could get this shitty school to quit this kinda crap. I live in a very deprived area the schools around here wouldn't DREAM of behaving like this, we also have 2 small estates where the families are EXTREMELY wealthy so there are haves as well as have nots, all the children are treated the same.

Also NO WAY should her meeting with you have been held in the staff room completely inappropriate and unprofessional.

I know Boomboom and i agree, i was just trying to find an explanation, not justify it.