... to be annoyed at school asking for money so aggressively?

[HoneyBadgerApparently]

My sons school have been asking for £10 ‘activity money’ since the start of term. At first it started with letters, then texts, and now today a letter that has a big spiel frankly shaming the people who haven’t paid and saying they will be speaking to individual parents if the money isn’t paid in the next couple of weeks. It’s a non-faith state school and at no point have they stated the donation is voluntary. My husband is an accountant and I was (now a SAHM) and we know the school shouldn’t do this.
We live in an area of very mixed incomes. We’re lucky enough to be able to afford to pay this sort of thing without an issue (we paid on this first day, the reminders go out to everyone), however some of the parents at the school are struggling to buy their kids a warm coat never mind money for pantomimes, charity christmas cards, own clothes day, trips etc and with multiple kids it all adds up. It doesn’t mean these parents care less about their child’s education! Today in the playground I could hear a mother worriedly telling a friend they didn’t have the money (she had 3 kids with her, £30 could be their weekly food shop…)
AIBU to mention to a staff member that they should legally be stating the donation is voluntary? And not shaming people! I don’t want to be ‘that’ mum, but I feel like they are bullying people who likely don’t know this is optional. The letter sounds more like a bailiff letter than a school that should be supporting vulnerable families.

There is no shortage of money in this country. It is all about how it is distributed

This back door funding of our schools is an utter disgrace. All it does is widen the gulf between rich and poor and make social mobility go backwards.

Couldn't agree more.

I coughed up £100 for this term. School's after £200 next term!!

That's just for one child. Fortunately the other school's not asked for anytging other than trips yet

crwox I'm sorry. I thought since you said the schools would know which families to send the letters to you thought it was OK for them to send those letters. And I assumed you meant the letters the OP is referring to, but I may have confused conversation threads.

UPDATE – I’m fuming!

I asked to speak to the assistant head (who wrote the letter) today, but was informed they were on a training course, so I thought I’d try again tomorrow.

At home time an upset friend came and spoke to me. She’s a single parent with 3 children who moved here last year to escape domestic violence. The school are aware of the situation. She went into the office today with £20 in her purse, told them that she didn’t have any other money and asked was there any support available for the £15 of in school theatre group visit money she ‘owed’, given she is on income support/kids are on FSM. They said no, and the children wouldn’t be able to go the Christmas theatre session if she didn’t pay. So of course, she paid. Then they asked her for the activity money. She said I literally have £5 in the world, they said OK we’ll take that, we’ll update your account that you owe £5 and we can set up a payment plan for you to pay it!! She asked if it was a voluntary donation they said no it compulsory you must pay. She was mortified. When I saw her she had borrowed £5 and was going to the office to pay it so no one came after her!

Anyway, I then went into the office with her and a parent governor who is equally horrified at this situation, and asked to speak to the woman. She said she was just doing her job, everyone must pay, and we (me and parent governor) had paid so it wasn’t our problem. She didn’t care that it was illegal never mind unethical. There are 2 food banks in walking distance of the school, and she believes that harassing families for money for playdoh (apparently what money is for in reception) is acceptable.

She said she would get the assistant head to speak to me tomorrow. I asked if I could speak to the head because of how serious the situation was (literally fraudulently demanding money at this point!) and she pretty much laughed at me. I’m so disgusted at the situation, and feel awful for my friend.

AIBU to now go to OFSTED and the LA? The next governors meeting isn’t for a few weeks.

Bloody hell

Official letter of complaint to Head
Email Head (and all) of Governors via the parent governor.
Appalling behaviour

If the receptionist knows that the school is not allowed to require parents to pay, then what she did is criminal under the fraud act. In fact the teacher writing the letter, since she almost certainly does know they cannot make the representations they are, is probably engaging in criminal fraud. Not that I think a prosecution is an appropriate way to handle this, but it might make the seriousness of what they are doing apparent to them.

First step is the Head. You need to exhaust the school's complaints procedure first but I would be fucking RAGING. I would be standing there until the Head made an appearance.

Did you get your friend's money back?

I am a school governor.

I'd be contacting my mp and local paper.
Fucking bastards!

Oh my god. I'm fuming for you
That is outrageous. I would put it in writing to the head. Give them a chance to respond then take it to ofsted and the la
Good luck with it. I'm glad the parents of the school have someone like you there

Have you got a decent local paper? Let them know.

This makes me so angry.

Good for you standing up for your friend.

Poor woman, how humiliating!

I wonder what they use the PP money for? As this parent will have PP money provided to the school for to each of her children.

I hope you have a productive meeting tomorrow.

Good luck tomorrow. This is really quite upsetting and I’m so pleased you’re fighting the corner of people who are in the same situation as my proud yet financially poor Mum was when we were children.

Good for you, OP!!! This fucking outrageous (and probably illegal) behaviour must be challenged.

It is my understanding that in primary school if an activity is wholly within school hours, is educational and part of the curriculum they can only ask for voluntary contributions. They cannot exclude a child from the activity if they do not pay but they may choose to cancel if not enough people pay.

Demanding money for activities debt collectors is just not on. Many many people are struggling with rising costs and less money not just schools. Perhaps teachers should plan activities more carefully and consider the number of events throughout the year and the overall cost for parents.

I assume that the parent governor who was with you and is appalled is similarly going to play merry hell and demand an immediate meeting with the HT over this?

I would absolutely not let this go. Good for you.

Ask the for their Pupil Premium accounts. At our school PP eligible kids are paid for.

This makes me angry, and sad.

What have we come to when schools are browbeating hard-up families for money in a way that is edging towards extortion? The school is behaving really badly, no way should low-income families be pressurised in this way.

And the politicians who decided that schools and other essential services should be starved of funds need to take a long, hard, look at themselves.

It's fucking disgraceful.

Yep, I agree with ruddy, if your friend's kids are entitled to FSM there may well be PP funding for them too.

I work in a school and your story makes me want to weep - good on you for questioning this. They are behaving appallingly.

This is disgusting. Well done OP for taking it further. I'd definitely be going to Ofsted. This is just so wrong on every level.

The receptionist should at minimum get a disciplinary for behaving like that. Truly awful.

I think the PP thing is a red herring - no-one should get that kind of treatment, the school should not mislead anyone about their obligation to pay, and there are loads of families who are really struggling now but still way off the threshold for FSM.

YWBU NOT to go the the LA and/or Ofsted. This is horrific.