UPDATE… SORRY FOR RIDICULOUSLY LONG POST BUT I’M UPSET AND NEEDED TO GET IT OUT
I went into school yesterday morning to speak to the assistant head. I’d completely calmed down from the day before and realised I had to speak very carefully, this is DS school I don’t want to make things awkward. I thought the best way to deal with it would be to just have an informal chat, say there’s been a misunderstanding that’s caused some upset, hopefully she’d say yes it’s a misunderstanding we’ll send out another letter and it would all be over.
Assistant head took me to the staff room where another teacher was sat right next to us marking. I’ve got to be honest, I was already nervous to speak to her because she very much has that teacher authority and I’m a complete wimp. This is not the person I would like to face with my financial difficulties!
I started off with saying I really appreciate all the activities the school does, my DS is really happy here and loves his teachers, the school is supportive to families in so many ways, there’s just this one issue I wanted to bring to your attention, and by having an informal chat with you as first point of contact I’m following the school ‘constructive-feedback’ (complaints) procedure.
Then went on to that parents aren’t interpreting the payment as voluntary and some parents who didn’t have the money felt pressurised by the ‘speak to you individually’ comment. She said it’s only that letter that hasn’t stated it’s voluntary, it’s stated in previous letters/ the welcome pack. I said with respect I could show her all those documents, it isn’t stated. She said it has been verbally mentioned before (?), people just know. I don't think she really saw the problem. I tried to explain that’s not how it has been interpreted, parents don’t know, when directly asked the office said it was compulsory, and said the law states to put voluntary on each communication to avoid this kind of misunderstanding and protect both the school and parents. I soon as I mentioned the legal side she said I feel attacked, you’re attacking me, you’re making me uncomfortable mentioning laws, no one has been pressurised. I was taken aback, told her that wasn’t my intention but this is friends situation (last £5, putting her on a payment plan), friend has been pressurised. She said I feel attacked, she has been a single mother in the past and would of course have told friend she didn’t have to pay if friend had gone to her. I tried to explain that I truly believe she would of (which I do), but it would have been humiliating for friend, and friend shouldn’t have to explain herself over voluntary payment, also office isn’t on the same page as they said she had to pay, but it was too late. Whenever I tried to speak she said you’re interrupting me I haven’t finished speaking (even though she had cut me off), she was saying why are you speaking to me, this isn’t to do with you, you should be sending people to speak to me if you overhear them, (basically why are you causing trouble). She was completely calm when she was speaking, if ever I raised a relevant point she just cut in with I feel attacked, the other teacher was sat right there pretending he wasn’t watching and more teachers kept walking in an out, I felt ganged up on and then the lovely TA who my son adores walked in and looked at us all like WTF. I thought what have I done, why didn’t I bring a witness or put this in writing, I’m going to ruin things for my DS, I felt so frustrated I ended up in tears and completely humiliated with it all.
I said I wasn’t attacking you, I am coming to you informally because I think this is a serious issue and that’s the procedure, I wasn’t trying to say you’d intentionally done anything (though honesty I think they have), I’m suggesting the office staff have misunderstood therefore are giving out the wrong info, we can change this. I’m trying to help fix this not get anyone in trouble, if I was I would have just reported the school to LA or Ofsted anonymously (which by this point I wish I’d done) instead of trying to have an informal chat. Somehow I ended up apologising for the whole situation, in tears, while these teachers looked on, even though they have broken the law and lied to and humiliated struggling friend! I was completely pathetic, and I’m so disappointed with myself.
Anyway, after I had cried and apologised she told me it’s the parents who just don’t want to pay the letter is targeting (I didn't bother with the unwilling/unable doesn't matter part of law, I just sat there trying to stop crying), she wasn’t trying to make people who can’t pay struggle more but she realises it could have been confusing for parents, she would be phoning friend today to tell her she didn’t have to pay the other fiver, speaking to office, and sending out another letter at home time so parents weren’t worrying. This is exactly what I was hoping for so what else could she say, but I still left the meeting embarrassed and feeling awful.
Anyway, friend had missed call off school just after meeting (yesterday morning), no message, she rang back straight away but they never got back to her. Then at home time no letter was sent out. And now it’s half term so any parent worrying about it will be worrying for another week. I realise it’s probably hard to send everyone a letter in one day but what about a text. We get a group text to all parents if someone so much as loses a jumper, couldn’t they have sent a group text ‘TO CLARIFY, ACTIVITY MONEY IS VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION’?
So nothing has been done (at least so far) and I somehow look like the bad, attacking, trouble maker for wanting them to act legally. I’m so worried they’ll treat my DS differently because of this. I know they shouldn’t but they also shouldn’t force people onto payment plans for voluntary contributions. I have two younger DC who are meant to be going to the same school and I feel like going somewhere else now.