How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

Exactly, which is why it was in her interests to sort it out discreetly. Let alone losing a friend over it. Plus F2 and F3 are now in an awkward situation stuck in the middle. Everyone loses.

Anyway, it's done now. And all the people who egged OP on can get on with their days while OP deals with the fall out!

Completely disagree bit did you read through the entire thread? I think OP was restrained in their response. The "friend" brought this on themselves by ignoring the OP repeatedly until she found herself in trouble. I don't think what you did was spiteful at all OP. I read through this thread like then when she started sending text messages and you woke up to the missed calls. Dying to know what happens!

Why do people placemark rather than bookmark by the way?

Bitoitofpractice I agree

OP did try to do it discretely though, and got roundly told where to go basically. Then she's privately contacted the head and PTA to sort it, actually giving her business and the PTA an option to both save face. She's not plastered it all over Facebook or made a public scene.

I’m on the edge of my seat with this.

What the hell was F1 thinking?!

Yes I've RTFT. And all of the more restrained advice and suggestions of compromise were shouted down.

I completely agree that F1 was a CF. I agree that I would have been angry if it had happened to me. I just don't think I'd have burned quite so many bridges in coming up with a solution

Love a CF thread. I hope she's embarrassed.

I don't think OP has burned any bridges, she has come up with a solution that allows both her and the school to look good, as they should. Only F1 looks a fool, as she should.

bit I havent ended the friendship though have I? Ive finally stood up for myself. Im the kind of person who would still have the friendship all I want is for her to realise her actions were twattish. F2&F3 wont end their friendship neither they just pointed out she was in the wrong for presuming I would do that.

Im not asking for much. An apology and for this to be rectified so im not out of pocket.

What bridges have been burned though? The only bridge that I see burned is the bridge involving the friend and if it were me, I'd have been happy to light the match myself.

*Squirrel
You are a bit late!
Cf has ignored all ops attempts to speak to her until now.
Has declined other friends chipping in to help pay for voucher she expects op just to pay for it herself and claim it as her own donation cos you know Xmas is comming and she cant afford to pay for her own raffle prize so someone else should do it for her.

She doesnt deserve another chance. She still doesnt get why she was wrong in the first place.*

Yes a bit late! The email has already gone to the PTA and the HT so what's done is done. However, the OP only posted about this yesterday afternoon so not that much time has passed to sort it out between them, especially as a lot of the communication was via 3rd parties. Again, I believe completely that F1 was in the wrong but also agree with BitoutofPractise that a more discreet remedy would have saved the friendship. Up to OP how she handles it, but I think I wouldn't have taken that approach personally.

OP has been restrained, she tried contacting the CF, who first ignored her then demanded she 'honour' the donation (which OP had not made or known of), then CF also refused to chip in £215 amongst three friends to pay OP for her services which she is attempting to donate.

So OP has discreetly contact the head of the PTS to let her know the treatment donated was not authorised and she'd instead donate something else.

OP has been very restrained and nice about it. I'd have plastered everywhere that I had no idea why my name was on those fliers ans remove thme immediately.
I'd not offer an alternative either.

"I'm gutted I've found it too late to offer any help, but it's been a fabulous read. MN at it's best, I guess... A pantomime villain (CF). A beautiful princess (OP). Rock-solid side-kicks (Fs 2 and 3). Interesting to see if PTA head is going to be wicked stepmother or fairy godmother.""It's been a fabulous read"

This isn't a Christmas panto, it's a now-shitstorm, in a friendship group that is decades old and their children's school.

F1&2 have even started a group chat to get this sorted out.

The Friend was a CF, but that sometimes happens in long standing group friendships and it quickly gets sorted out, without it all being public.

£15 not £215!

bit I havent ended the friendship though have I?

I think that between the two of you, you have!

There were many less humiliating ways to let her know you were cross than "telling" on her to the HT for example.

Anyway, as I said, just my opinion, and it's done now!

Bit I'm genuinely interested, how the OP could have done this without losing out on business and making a loss.

I really do think she has been very discreet about it.

Bit of Practice - I am normally one for the path you suggest, I prefer resolution over drama. BUT in this case the OP needed to stick up for her own interests because it was very clear that CFF was very likely to try to wiggle out of it by blaming the OP, with detrimental effect on her business.

I think the friendship, if the OP wants it, and CFF isn't a complete idiot, is salvageable.

I certainly wouldn't have involved the HT. I'd have got hold of PTA woman's phone number and had a discreet word with her (not in writing, by phone or face to face) about what's happened and offered a compromise prize for the raffle. No semi-officious emails. Then I would have spoken to F1 and called her a cheeky bugger when I next saw her / spoke to her. Then moved on.

This isn't a Christmas panto, it's a now-shitstorm, in a friendship group that is decades old and their children's school.

But it isn’t the OPs child’s school, which is what makes it even more fucking cheeky.

"Bit I'm genuinely interested, how the OP could have done this without losing out on business and making a loss."

The other two friends were working on her to split the cost.

They'd started a group chat to sort it out.

They don't want their friendship with either of them to end and they will see CF friend more often than the OP, through the school. They by association have also been embarrassed and may be put in a position to defend CFF at the school.

But I find that Posters treat it like a Soap. These are Women with children in a longstanding friendship group.

I was at a church service recently, the day after they held their annual fete. As I was organising one I perked up when the vicar announced how much had been raised. £48,000!

£48K at one single church fete?!

Was this church service at the Vatican?!

OP - you’ve not ended the friendship but it probably has ended. If she doesn’t see how/why she’s in the wrong then she’ll blame you for making her look a twat. Thus she’ll end the friendship.

Hey ho. You’ll make more friends and your salon won’t be out of pocket.

Your friend was very cheeky, your not even at the school! Can’t wait to hear what happens at lunch, I’ve just been for a swim and checked this thread before getting dry lol!

It was her doing! Good luck with the call xx

I'd be very interested in how the church raised £48000 from a Harvest Festival, my local church would be really grateful for any new ideas