Flatmate said my Halloween decorations are offensive

[QuestionableMouse]

They're a string of Halloween paper chains hanging on the outside of my bedroom door. She said they're offensive and she doesn't like them.

I really love Halloween and they make me smile when I come in. I have more hanging in my room too.

Who is being unreasonable?

Well, that’s the obvious, rational, reasonable, mature remedy

No, actually, it isn’t. There’s nothing remotely mature or reasonable in immediately capitulating to somebody who has gotten their knickers in a twist over nothing. Offended flatmate cannot have everything her own way and sometimes she will see things she doesn’t much like in life. I’m afraid she has to suck it up like everyone else does.

It’s utterly obscene how often some people think that just because person A has “strongly held religious beliefs” this entitles them to effectively police someone else’s behaviour. The issue of “feeling offended” in the absence if anything that can be remotely classed as “offensive” is the religious person’s problem to deal with, no one else’s.

If there’s anything “immature” going on here, it’s the flatmate’s behaviour. But I suspect she’s been taught by her parents that no one is allowed to upset her EVER.

It’s the OP’s home too.

I find it so strange when people say that a Catholic nursery wouldn't allow Halloween decorations. I am Irish, was raised Catholic as was most of the country and Halloween has always been a huge thing here. In school we were taught that Halloween = Holy Evening, the night before All Souls Day.
So all this "Christians/Catholics don't like Halloween is a huge revelation to me!

Dd1 is in shared halls. 4 bedroom flat with shared living space. Coincidentally, one of the girls is Muslim (although no idea why that is relevant). If she called me and said she had upset one of the people she had to live with for the rest of the year, (which conceivably, could, y'know, escalate into a bit of tit for tat and cause some serious unpleasantness and difficulties with being able to successfully complete year) I'd be telling her to chat to her room mate/s and figure out their rules for the communal areas, which frankly, she should have been mature enough to have already done. And if she had inadvertently offended someone, to chat to them about it.

Having seen stupid teenage arguments escalate and involve accommodation services, and people moving, and hideous unpleasantness that ruins everyone's day, I'd suggest she rolls her eyes and doesn't ruin the term on principle. Both girls have some growing up to do and learn how to get along with other people. You can take the moral high ground and be the one mature enough to open the discussion op, and maybe teach your roommate some things about getting along with people, or you can prove you are no better.

And on the off chance it IS dd1, get a grip, stop whining on the internet, and do your homework. You have mid-terms this week.

Maybe she's a scaredy cat. Have you tried saying Boo and jumping out of a corner?

AgathaOHara I'm not talking about people being offended or made uncomfortable. I'm talking about some things just not being what people like as decoration and how communal living when you can't choose your housemates generally benefits from people being both conservative in what they enforce on others. Whether it's old masters, glittery tat, political posters, religious paraphernalia, pictures of adorable kittens or boudoir shots - you have private space for the stuff other people don't want to see - why push it on them?

OP's housemate would certainly benefit from being more tolerant in what she puts up with, it's generally lonely being so uptight and unfriendly. If it were the housemate posting here I'd be saying she should try and suck it up. But when it comes to communal living and there is no harm to consider, people need to be pulling away from confrontation not be urged towards it.

Perhaps. But not in her home

It's not her home, though. Her own room is her own personal space. The rest is not hers to control like her home.

And nor is it her flatmate’s to control.

Flatmate is being U.

chipmonkey I was coming on to say exactly.

My nieces and god children love Halloween it's their midterm. It's the evening that they have fireworks (bare in mind you can not buy private fireworks it's organised displays only) it's a family night.
I've always known it as All Hallows' eve. So yes the holy evening before All Souls' Day. Which is a bank holiday in Ireland.

It's only in my adult life I've encountered this Christian's hate holloween and it's evil stuff. And honestly in the more evengelical churches than the catholic ones.

Just imagine having your neighbours telling you how you can or can't decorate your own front door with. Or tell you how to dress.

How odd! I’d be inclined to do what you’re doing and ask her why it offends her - but as pp said in the wise words of Sir Stephen of Fry .... it’s actually not offensive, you’ve not nailed an upside down cross and said the devil loves here or duck off and die god/Jesus/flat mate’s name etc which may cause a mumbling of horror

I think she’s being precious

Just imagine having your neighbours telling you how you can or can't decorate your own front door with. Or tell you how to dress.

Neither of which are the same as decorating communal space.

It's not communal space. It's her own door. Not the same.

Of course the hallway of a communal flat is communal space. Inside is private space.

I agree with people who say it's an odd thing to be offended by - which is precisely why the OP needs to speak to her flatmate and try and understand WHY she is offended. Don't all condemn the flatmate for being at fault here when you only know half the story.

theancientmarinader speaks a lot of sense.

I can decorate my property as I wish as that is my space. I can't hang something from the tree outside my driveway because that is not.

Blimey when I think about what my flat mates got up to when I was a student this really isn’t a big deal.

Tell your flat mate to get over it

As far as I can work out, the woman had just said (via note) that she finds them offensive. Which she is perfectly entitled to do.

It's something she clearly feels strongly enough to leave a note (the only method of communication given they don't see each other). I really don't understand why people get so arsey and want to escalate things when they have to get along with people in communal space.

Decorations in the room would surely have the same happiness factor and irritate no one. It's an easy adjustment to make. The woman is not, I assume, asking the OP not to put up any decorations anywhere and ditch Halloween altogether.

Would people really do some of the things suggested on this thread? I would like to think most people would try to make easy adjustments when living in accommodation like this to make life easier.

If my DS texted me from uni complaining about this I would tell him to move them inside and enjoy the decorations in his own room. If he found something offensive I would suggest he speaks to the person to work something out. I wouldn't suggest he escalate things with skeletal middle fingers and noisy items.

I can decorate my property as I wish as that is my space. I can't hang something from the tree outside my driveway because that is not.

But you can decorate your own gate as you wish. Or is it already communal space because it faces the street?

The corridor is shared space. Since there is no conversation taking place no one really knows why the flat mate is offended.

Could be the pumpkin carved in the supposed image of the (supposec) devil , she could be an arachnophobia, who knows.

Surely when negotiating shared space, shared anything, we hear each other out and aim to be co-operative rather than confrontational.

OP, decide what your over-riding objective and priority is, hear your flat mates pov, , explain your own, e.g you are not a satanist / glorifying the devil or maybe or whatever.

Communicate. Like a grown up.

Let us know if you manage to catch her OP.

Worth bearing in mind that Diwali decorations sometimes feature swastika designs (which, in context, have NOTHING to do with Nazism - and it's generally quite easy to tell, unless you are very thick and very enthusiastic about making a fuss).
People like this flatmate generally need to be either ignored or mocked till they get over themselves. You can't tiptoe round them over one issue, they will just find more and more things to make a fuss about, becaue it's all about them.

The equivalent to op's student room door is the front door of any standard house/flat. If it's acceptable to have on a random front door then it's acceptable on op's door. So semi-naked woman perhaps not, hallowe'en decorations no problem at all.

Well she left at 6:45 this morning after much banging and crashing around. Then she let the door slam behind her. Needless to say I haven't spoken to her yet and I'm home for the next couple of days so it might be next week when actually get to ask her about it.