Would you think this is cheeky?

[SuzukiLi]

Is it cheeky to make money selling things that someone has given you for free?

Once you’ve given someone something it’s up to them what they do with it IMO.

The stress comes when the giver starts whining and moaning about what you should have done with the gift.

this

Come on, not only it's not rude, but the opposite is true: giving something to someone but then have rules about what they are supposed to do with is is unreasonable at best. Either you give, or you lend. If you give away things, people are free to sell, dye, transform, bin or sell.

I wouldn't bother accepting baby items if I had to give them back, they might get stained, damaged. Too much faff.

Would you prefer people to bin what you have given them, as opposed to sell them? Sounds terribly wasteful.

Hang on... did she use them for baby or did she just accept them and flogged them?
I got the impression it was the latter could be wrong though

I think it's generally those who have either never been really broke

Yeah, no, Reanimated. I was the very happy recipient of baby clothes that had very thoroughly done the rounds through a load of other babies first. If the mums before me had thought "I'll stick this lot on ebay for a few quid, not pass it onto Archery" I'd have found clothing my baby a lot more difficult in that first year, as I was broke.

Cheeky as fuck and just a bit sad really.

In real life, do posters really ask people "do you want that back" when they are gifted something? It's the strangest thing I have heard.

The concept of giving something but with conditions is a strange one too. Just tell people you are lending items to them, but it's not a gift!

I give alot of stuff to one particular friend. I do sometimes say "oh pass it on or give to charity when M has grown out of it " but no way of knowing if she does, as I don't check up on her!

If I give something away I don't care what they do with it - it's no longer mine.

If I had a strong feeling I'd stipulate it beforehand. I'm planning to pass my baby stuff to a friend when I'm finished with it all and I've asked that she pass the 'big' stuff on for free (Moses basket, cot, travelsystem etc) but clothes and toys she can do what she likes with.

Agree Coddiwomple

Yep, a friend was a fairly expensive piece of exercise equipment (that I would have bitten her hand off for but didn't get in first!) by another friend for free. She used it as a clothes horse for a year before putting it on Facebook to sell for £150!

Just one of many cheeky fucker things she's done. We're no longer friends, her CF being one of the main reasons why!

Swimster01 my bil tried this with the car seat we lent them when DN outgrew hers. He was seriously put out when I asked for it back as he'd arranged to sell it to a work mate & had already ordered new bits for his bike in anticipation of the £80. The CF then went one step further & asked us to make sure we returned it to them when we'd finished with it!! Despite earning 3x what we do he is tight as.

coddiewomple

I think you've missed the point a bit. I don't expect someone to profit out of someone else's kindness.

My friend's sister gave me some of her son's old clothes. She doesn't expect them back but for me to sell them on after my own son has worn the freebies would be so fucking tasteless.

what are you supposed to do with them when you are finished then?

bin them?
Give them to a charity shop - who is likely to bin most of them (sadly many of those chuck a huge amount of their donations, and not just the rubbish. There are people making money out of the charity shops bins!)

Why is that tasteless? If you have another sibling with a baby when you are done, fair enough you pass them on. But when you haven't? Sell them and buy new clothes who will benefit the children. I can't see the problem.

If you go to someone's house and beg them for an item then sell it, it's wrong. When they get rid of their stuff by giving them to you you are free to dispose as you wish. They feel better about not binning them, but they don't have to deal with the effort of selling them themselves.

It's the same for Christmas presents, do what you want with them.

"what are you supposed to do with them when you are finished then?"

You are supposed to keep them forever in your gratitude store, whereby you can gaze upon the vests and babygros that you no longer need periodically and humbly remember the sacrifice and generosity shown to you by the person who 'gave' them to you.

She was cheeky if she didn't use the clothes and simply sold them on.

She wasn't cheeky if they'd been worn and outgrown.

You admit you don't actually mind them being sold, it's just that she didn't get your 'permission' to do so. Very odd attitude.

I think it depends on the context. For example, I have a large extended family and we pass on baby clothes etc to one another. It has always been the case that if there is no one in the family to donate to, the item goes to charity. Some parts of the family are better off than others but no one needs to make money from selling something freely given. One of the (more wealthy) members of the family sold a buggy, 2 car seats (one of which was the grandparents' one) and loads of other stuff and went clothes shopping on the proceeds. The fall out was immense because she well knew that she was supposed to pass things on or donate and was being very selfish.

And personally I think it is selfish not to consider people in need. If someone is broke and they sell children's clothes to buy a bigger size, no one should quibble. If someone is financially stable and can't bring themselves to donate to charity or help someone struggling, then they should be questioning themselves. I have a colleague at work who sells all her old suits at a designer second hand store. One of my other colleagues was collecting for a charity that gives clothes to low income women for interviews. We all donated apart from the said senior colleague who said she didn't believe in charity and that if you were thrifty, you wouldn't need charity. We all think she is tight and selfish...

I think if a person is bothered about what happens to stuff after they give it to someone then it isn't really a gift is it?
To me a gift is given freely for the recipient to own, use and dispose of as they wish to do so.
People who give things with the idea that they then can control the recipient's behaviour because they gave them something are outside my understanding.
If it is a loan - then say clearly - this is a loan and I want it back.
But then be aware that it is a burden on the recipient and not a boon - because they will have to be concerned about ensuring it doesn't wear out or get broken or lost and then worry about whether they need to replace it if any of those things happen.
It is also not kind because it supposes they have nothing better to do than catalogue everything they own to remember which item is to be returned and to whom.
Seems unpleasant behaviour to me and is setting a person up to fail to live up to unrealistic expectations. That isn't how a friend should behave in my opinion.

My friend did the same and I was really annoyed.

I was given some toy cars. I asked the family if they wanted them back. Had they said no I would have sold them. But felt I needed to offer them back first.

I was given clothes for my son from two different families who I no longer communicate with. I will sell those clothes. One family I worked for as a nanny and it ended badly and we haven’t spoken for 8 years. And the other family was a friends friend who just wanted to give the clothes away to someone who would use them. I used them well and after I have this baby that I’m currently carrying and they’ve used them I will sell those too since I don’t know them to give them back.

But if you still communicate with the family I would always offer to give them back first.

I was given some toy cars. I asked the family if they wanted them back. Had they said no I would have sold them. But felt I needed to offer them back first

Yes I just feel this is good etiquette! For example, my sister gave me a sofa for free. It's lovely, nothing wrong with it and could probably get a few hundred quid for it if I was to sell it. But I wouldn't sell it, because it was given to me for free and that would just be really cheeky!!

Yes, I think if you're lucky enough to have something donated to you, you should pass the goodness on and give it away to someone else for free.

I got given some baby clothes second hand, some I bought new, some I bought second hand, and some were given new as gifts.
I would not have been able to distinguish them except for the odd new purchase that was not too badly worn when I came to pass it down to DC2 or sell it on.
What do other people do - label all their baby clothes with the giver's name? If you didn't do that, how did you know where they came from?

pictish that's another alternative I suppose!

OP a sofa is totally different. You can tell that one sofa came from one owner. I can't for the life of me tell which baby items came from which source. Do I have to ask about the new gifts as well? Do I have to ask before using them for DC2?

If someone had said they wanted to loan us a cot/buggy/high chair then that's fine as long as they weren't expecting it back in useable condition (actually the cot is fine, the buggy went to the landfill ages ago, and the high chair is fine but a bit scratched). I can lay my hands on those at a moment's notice.
Possibly the same is true of one gorgeous and pristine baby outfit e.g. for a christening.

But if someone gave me a large bundle of baby clothes and said they wanted them back I'd just not take them. I can't realistically say I'll be able to work out which they were after 6 months of waiting to wear them and then 6 months of wearing them, let alone after 2 DC.

But whisky how do you know which it is among all the other baby clothes?

A gift is a gift is a gift!

But selling a gift without using it is pretty rude.

I'd be pissed off