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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Paying DH to do work on our property

145 replies

lirpaloof · 18/10/2017 10:26

Background info: DH and I married for 10 years, no kids, both work full time, comfortably off. When we first met I had my own property, he was in rented. He moved in with me and over the years we paid off a large chunk of the mortgage. We split all bills and mortgage but I paid a larger share as I always earned more. We were able to release some equity to buy a bigger house and rent the first one out. The first property is mortgaged in my name only (DH is fine with this) and DH has more or less left me to deal with the day to day issues of managing a rental. He tends to regard it as 'my' property but when we talk about the future he will acknowledge it as OUR investment, which is what we planned. I see it that legally we own both properties equally regardless of where we each started.

DH is an ex plumber. He has fixed various plumbing related issues at the rental property over the years but has been vocal about how much he dislikes doing it. He wants to spend his evenings and weekends relaxing and doing what he wants as much as possible.

Most recently, the tenants reported a plumbing problem and DH was reluctant to get involved, leaving it to me, the tenants and the water provider to sort out. The tenants and I have no plumbing knowledge but eventually we got the problem sorted after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing. The water provider also identified a non-related plumbing issue in the property that was my/our responsibility to fix. Given DH's reluctance to give up his free time, I thought I would avoid any arguments/resentment by getting a plumber in to fix the problem, which I did. Problem solved. A while later DH asked if the plumbing issue had been resolved so I told him what had happened, thinking he would be relieved it was sorted without his involvement. He asked why I hadn't asked him to fix it. I said because he doesn't like doing it so I thought I was doing him a favour by getting someone else to do it. He hit the roof and said I should have offered him the chance to do it and the reason he hates doing it is because I don't pay him. He thinks I should pay him for his specialist knowledge, as I would any other trained tradesperson - I don't expect them to work for free so I shouldn't expect him to either. He doesn't expect the going rate, just £30 or so and for me to tell him he can spend it on himself or however he likes. Bearing in mind, we are comfortably off and he has plenty of his own money to spend on himself but it's the gesture he's after.

I have no problems in thanking him for what he's done but paying him just seems wrong. I pointed out I don't get paid for doing all the laundry, 90% of the cooking and general running of the household but he said it was different as those things don't require specialist skills. His logic is that paying him £30 is cheaper than a plumber so I'd be saving money, but I feel like a) I would be validating his belief that he's entitled to payment, which I totally disagree with, b) it's his property too, OUR future, OUR investment, it's not just me getting all the benefits and WE'd both be saving money and c) he can't expect to reap the longer term benefits without putting in some effort.

So, AIBU to not pay him?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 18/10/2017 11:28

I can see his point because it's your property. And I think the fact that it is rented out makes a difference. If you paid him could you claim against tax. Don't know if that's allowed when it's your DH doing the repairs. It isn't really a nest egg for your both if the property is in your name only. What happens if you split up. Would he get half this rented property? All this family money stuff on MN is just mad IMHO.

00100001 · 18/10/2017 11:29

How bizarre Confused

SandyDenny · 18/10/2017 11:30

Why would that be against HMRC rules?

It sounds like Evans is suggesting doing it totally above board, she records what she paid for the work and he declares it as income

Why is that wrong?

loveisasecondhandemotion · 18/10/2017 11:31

Is it for his piggy money box? Grin

loveisasecondhandemotion · 18/10/2017 11:32

Sorry- Ps YANBU

sirfredfredgeorge · 18/10/2017 11:33

But this is her dh investment property too fgs so it’s a waste of money to pay someone else to something on the JOINT investment property he has the skills to do.

Yet so many people think it's normal and a good thing to get a cleaner (it is), I'm sure this is the same point, the DP doesn't want to do the work, and is using the cost to simply illustrate that, either 'cos he's a bit of a dick who can't just say no, or because the OP hasn't actually heard the no.

Accepting a lower return on the investment, so you don't have to spend time is quite a normal thing for everyone to do. People are right to value their time over an investment!

LemonysSnicket · 18/10/2017 11:33

That’s a really weird stance of his ... definitely like he sees the other house as just yours. Maybe he struggles with you being he higher earner?
Also specialist vs non specialist tasks is just stupid ... it’s takes time, time has the same value to both of you.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 18/10/2017 11:34

I think he sounds like a cocklodger, frankly.

He's much better off as a result of living with you. You have bought two properties. You earn more. You do all the housework. He has a skill which he could use to help you and he won't do it unless he's paid. He thinks it's ridiculous that you should be paid for using your skills.

I don't like the sound of him, sorry.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 18/10/2017 11:35

He might see the other house as yours now, when it needs work doing on it, but he sure as hell wouldn't see it as yours if you divorced.

JoJoSM2 · 18/10/2017 11:36

In my opinion, you have an issue as a couple. He contributed to the mortgage, yet you kept the house in your name and have emphasized in your post that you paid more towards it as you're the higher earner. Sounds like you don't have joint money either. So it's clearly separate and tit for tat both ways.

I had rental properties before I met DH. However, all properties are 'ours', all money is 'family money'. Property issues are dealt with by whoever happens to have more time when they arise.

Crescend0 · 18/10/2017 11:37

You have been married for 10 years and he wants to charge you for work on a joint property which you enabled him to buy and now manage Confused. The mind boggles. In your position, I would be speechless.

How would you "pay" him anyway? Do you still have separate bank accounts? Or does he expect you to get him £30 out at the cash point?

He is being beyond ridiculous.

Viviennemary · 18/10/2017 11:38

Of course specialist knowledge makes a difference. Pretending otherwise is ridiculous.

SecretNutellaFix · 18/10/2017 11:40

You said your DH is an EX plumber. Is he actually insured to do the work on the rental property and would your insurance pay out if somehow he fucked it up?

I'd call his bluff. Pay for a registered plumber to do the work and see if he shuts up about wanting to be paid. Or invoice him the going rate for housekeepers for the number of hours you do around the house.

He's being tight and selfish.

Cupoteap · 18/10/2017 11:40

He won't do it for love, or for his future but he will for £30? Bizarre

luckyDuvet · 18/10/2017 11:40

He might see the other house as yours now, when it needs work doing on it, but he sure as hell wouldn't see it as yours if you divorced

This!

haveacupoftea · 18/10/2017 11:46

He sounds like a lazy stingy git.

lirpaloof · 18/10/2017 11:47

We have separate finances but pay into a joint account for household bills, home mortgage, joint holidays etc.

The property rental is a separate account so he would be paid out of this one, as would any other tradesperson.

The rental property may be in my name but legally he is entitled to half as we're married and he is well aware of this.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/10/2017 11:47

He sees it as your property when it comes to thr work, and jointly his property when it comes to thr profit, is that right? He will not invest his time for free in something he perceives as his for profit. And actually wishes his own wife to pay him for the work he does on his own asset.

Fuck me, I couldn’t live with s man that selfish. I don’t know how you do it.

DJBaggySmalls · 18/10/2017 11:48

Is he always on the lookout for people trying to get one over on him? He sounds chippy and resentful.

MuseumOfCurry · 18/10/2017 11:50

I agree with whomever upthread said that in principle, he should be invoicing you and you should be paying him and recording it as an expense for your books.

But as for the money actually changing hands, well, no.

He sounds a bit like trouble, to be honest.

CrmbleBee · 18/10/2017 11:52

YANBU

Does he see you purely as a business or investment partner? I believe that people in general presume that helping one another out is part of a marriage and doesn't require monetary compensation. Get him to pay you for the cleaning, in kind. Tell him he wouldn't expect a cleaner to work for free, so why should he expect you to?

cdtaylornats · 18/10/2017 11:52

I can see his point - I'm a software engineer and every time I go and visit my mother the first day of the visit is taken up with fixing the assorted havok my mother and sister have wreaked on their computers. If I'm there for any longer than a weekend there will be a set of relatives and friends with devices they have confused or don't know how to use in the first place. Last time the neighbour got me to upgrade his TV software.

No one ever offers to pay, even a bottle of something.

He should be charging £60 an hour minimum.

Kualabear · 18/10/2017 11:52

Is he using this to address other issues in your relationship? If not, he is a complete psycho.

Therealjudgejudy · 18/10/2017 11:56

This does not look good. He sounds like a selfish user tbh. I'd be very careful if I were you and seek legal advice asap about protecting your assets. Also why are you letting this man treat you like a divvy by doing his laundry and all the housework? Do you let people treat you like a mug at work? I doubt it. I'm sick of reading threads by women in this day and age who let men treat them like maids.

Therealjudgejudy · 18/10/2017 11:57

*skivvy