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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is a group on MN deliberately trying to downplay the institutional oppression of women?

999 replies

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 18/10/2017 08:13

I've been hanging around these here parts since Pom Bears were just a bizarre crisp but more and more I see posters chipping away at other posters experiences, feelings of unease etc. It's difficult to articulate but it's just a shift from NAMALT to women are just as bad so stop complaining. An almost subtle silencing.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 20:53

Baroness, no it isn't trying to shut it down. How is it? The fact is that both men and women can try to strike up a conversation with someone who doesn't want to be spoken to for whatever reason. Why are you specifically saying you're having to modify your behaviour for men?

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 20:56

Well, yes, horny, but that's because you have the fact that some of those men may be approaching you to chat you up as well as those who are approaching you for a chat. There would be fewer women that are likely to come and chat you up.

Telstar99 · 18/10/2017 20:56

You see my problem is that 96% of sexual violence is committed by men does not equate to 96% of men commit acts of sexual violence.

No-one has said that have they? Confused

You'd have to be seriously deluded to think that 96% of men commit sexual violence.

Pumperthepumper · 18/10/2017 20:58

bumbley why, when faced with all the stories on this thread, would you think it's an 'introvert/extrovert thing' instead of a 'male/female' thing? Every woman on this thread who has had unwanted attention from men has been very clear that it's men that are the problem. Why do you ignore that?

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 20:58

Telstar, it's not said - just implied in all the men are/most men/all men . All men are being treated a particular way due to the actions of some.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 20:59

Baroness, no it isn't trying to shut it down. How is it? Because that behaviour is predominately carried out by men but you keep reiterating that women do it too.

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 21:00

Pumper, because Taratill is another woman. We obviously like having random conversations with people whereas others, like Baroness, do not.

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 21:01

Do what? Approach you to talk?

Pumperthepumper · 18/10/2017 21:02

So you and taratill are the only extroverts on this thread and everyone who says they don't want to be approached by strange men is an introvert?

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 21:03

Oh good grief Pump. No.

taratill · 18/10/2017 21:06

telstar of course you would have to be crazy to believe that which is why I find the assumption of many on here that any many who wants to make chit chat must have ulterior motives very bizarre.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 21:07

Do what? Approach you to talk? Yes approaching me to talk when I am giving out clear signals that I don't want to. It's not something women on the whole do, 99% of unwanted interactions are with men. Saying but women do it too is trying to distort the reality of the situation

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 21:09

Baroness but the issue is that you don't want anyone to speak to you at that time, isn't that right?

AssassinatedBeauty · 18/10/2017 21:10

@bumbleymummy, @taratill is it really important for you that the way that this topic is spoken about is managed? That it should always be "people/person" and not discussed in terms of sex? It will help address the issue of violence/sexual assault/discrimination if we all remember to be equal in how it's discussed so as not to unnecessarily upset any one group in society?

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 21:12

Baroness but the issue is that you don't want anyone to speak to you at that time, isn't that right? True but the difference is women on the whole respect that, men frequently don't which is why men are the issue

Pumperthepumper · 18/10/2017 21:13

bumbley it's not an extrovert/introvert thing. It's a men/women thing.

Mittens1969 · 18/10/2017 21:18

The reason why a lot of us feel wary of strange men approaching us is because stranger attacks do happen, and men should understand why women are wary. It’s not that the man in question is necessarily dangerous but how is a woman supposed to know that?

I don’t face this problem now as I mostly travel by car, and I don’t go to clubs. The idea of being alone late at night is still scary.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/10/2017 21:21

For goodness sake

Can someone please explain why

A man talking to a woman in the same way as he would another man

Is such a massive problem.

So example for you

Man to woman : good morning, lovely day isnt it

Man to man : good morning, lovely day isnt it

And if someone could explain with out making up shit that would be helpful

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 21:34

Baroness, but if you don't want anyone to speak to you then why only say 'men'? of you would be annoyed with a woman homing up to talk to you too then I don't see why men are the problem here. It's just that you want to be left alone - and that's fine.

Pumper, you obviously don't know what I was talking about. It was a comment based on something Tara said about annoying people because she enjoys chatting. It's a personality trait that I have too and I was wondering if it's an introvert/extrovert thing. I didn't say anything about it being exclusive to us or exclusive to women. Stop looking for things to argue about.

taratill · 18/10/2017 21:35

Assassinated I actually couldn't give a flying fig if men are upset about people not wanting to talk to them. I haven't said I do.

I just don't understand the logic because I don't think most men are out to get me and I enjoy talking to people of both sex.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 18/10/2017 21:35

Making up shit

What you mean like the above greetings that all men say to all other men they pass on them on street

I think you have been reading too many Mr Men books

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 21:41

bumbleymummy The reason it is a issue with men is because it is predominately men who behave that way not women, if women also acted in the same way and to the same extent then yes that would also be a problem but they don't

Pumperthepumper · 18/10/2017 21:43

AssassinatedBeauty I asked that earlier and as I understand it, that's right. People wouldn't say NAMALT etc if threads were written as 'a few men do this' rather than 'most men' - and i argued that it's exactly this nitpicking which forces down discussion because it's minimising the problem.

taratill · 18/10/2017 21:45

pumper scrap that I don't think any man is out to get me!

HandbagKrabby · 18/10/2017 21:47

Me and a dad had a laugh at beaver drop off. It was funny and we were with our kids. I have never seen that man before. I talked to another dad the other day about home renovation. These interactions are no way the same as me minding my own business and then some bloke coming and insisting I give him my attention because he wants to talk to me and he doesn't give a shit if I want to talk to him. He would not do this to another man. I don't want chatting up, I don't find it flattering I find it either tedious or creepy depending on circumstance. My right to go through life without random men trying to chat me up is more important than men's want to talk to me. If it's friendly passing the time of day then why don't they ever seem to want to be friendly and nice when you're with another man?