Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To struggle with #metoo

362 replies

BookyBook · 17/10/2017 09:29

Is anyone else struggling with this?

I can't even articulate why and why I am so reluctant to post #metoo myself, although don't want to not either. My FB thread is full of it and I didn't realise it was a thing to do until yesterday and it has completely blindsided me.

Having said that I think it makes a very strong point, I just feel a little teary about seeing all the #metoos today in a way that is making me relive my own experiences that I have trained myself not to think about too much usually.

Is anyone else the same?

OP posts:
SentimentalLentil · 17/10/2017 10:03

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_59e4e3a2e4b04d1d518390d2

KoalaD · 17/10/2017 10:05

I don't think it's necessarily attention-seeking. Just pointless.

I actually think we are all 'aware' enough of how much sexual harrassment goes on. Maybe people should post how much they donated to their local sexual assault referral centre, or which fundraiser they're suppprting.

Otherwise it's like posting your bra colour 'for breast cancer'. So what?

BishBoshBashBop · 17/10/2017 10:05

I seriously don't get why people are annoyed with men posting it.

To actually call someone who has been asssulted and raped a dick as a previous poster has for using the tag says more about them than anything else.

I haven't used the tag as I don't want the questions that come with it. I also won't police those that do.

expatinscotland · 17/10/2017 10:06

I don't do bandwagons. At all. Ever. I was raped by a friend's brother's flatmate at 18. 'Me, too' about catcalling doesn't ring quite the same.

user1499333856 · 17/10/2017 10:06

I posted #metoo

I felt uncomfortable about it and I am not a clap happy bangwagon poster, per se.

In the end I posted because I want to highlight how common these kind of attacks are on women. Silent suffering. I want to contribute my part in showing what women face on a wide scale. We need to change attitudes and how we talk about this, and how we raise our children. That's what I hope to contribute by participating.

whiskyowl · 17/10/2017 10:07

I don't think it's supposed to be easy to participate. I mean, sexual assault is deeply unpleasant to go through, and therefore not a pleasant memory to recall. I don't think it's about doing something positive /affirmative/feelgood - it's a protest that is drawing attention to the scale of a massive problem.

Underparmummy · 17/10/2017 10:07

Totally agree. Thought I was being weird.

SentimentalLentil · 17/10/2017 10:09

My point about it being a terrible way to collect data is that the people who already know will not be surprised by how many people are posting and the people who don't know can dismiss it as attention seeking and say that it proves nothing.

My fil who believes that women coming forward about rape from footballers 'should be taken with a pinch of salt' isn't going to see these me toos and suddenly think we live in a rape culture, he'll dismiss it because he doesn't want to see.

Why should I have to question whether I'm doing the right thing by not sharing publically something I haven't even dealt with privately.
Why is it my responsibility to make men see?

Every woman on Facebook today has had to go through her roladex of memories and relive her abuse today, I think that's unfair and irresponsible.

BishBoshBashBop · 17/10/2017 10:10

I don't think it's supposed to be easy to participate

But that imo is a veiled way of saying those that donrt participate are taking an easy eay out.

QueenBeet · 17/10/2017 10:10

BishBoshBashBop The previous poster called the guy a dick for saying the #metoo was sexist. She didn't call him a dick for being sexually assaulted.

BishBoshBashBop · 17/10/2017 10:12

The previous poster called the guy a dick for saying the #metoo was sexist.

As I have said. It is no one's place to say he can't use it.

ThePeanutGallery · 17/10/2017 10:14

Why is it my responsibility to make men see?

It absolutely isn't. That's why nobody is forcing you to do it. It's a highly emotive subject and some women will be comfortable with posting it, and others won't. But again, it's not about collecting data, it's about starting a conversation.

Me, too' about catcalling doesn't ring quite the same.

Why do you assume that the women who are posting it are posting it about cat calling?

DesignedForLife · 17/10/2017 10:14

*I've had an annoying man already comment that it's sexist for only asking women to do it, as he has been assaulted too.

Fuck off you massive prick.*

Wow, because a man has been sexually assaulted he's a prick? You're the sexiest one there. More awareness is needed that men can suffer horrifically too.

DesignedForLife · 17/10/2017 10:14

Bold fail

whiskyowl · 17/10/2017 10:14

bishbosh - Noooo, I definitely didn't mean to imply that. I just meant that I don't think many are enjoying posting #metoo. It's not a positive thing. It's totally up to individuals whether they want to join in the protest or not - sexual assault is something everyone handles in their own way, and there is no right or wrong.

lurkingnotlurking · 17/10/2017 10:15

I've been spied on while on the toilet, flashed at, been propositioned by a 37yo man when I was 15, and of course cat-called. I just don't relate to the hash tag. I don't seem to have much compared to a lot of women. And ridiculous (or even offensive) as it might be, I wonder if that is because few people think I'm attractive. Sorry if this does offend. Internalised misogyny.

HolgerDanske · 17/10/2017 10:15

I struggle for one reason only:

It will make absolutely no meaningful difference.

Women already know what we live with; Men really won't pay much actual attention.

Greyponcho · 17/10/2017 10:16

My reluctance to posting it involved my f/b is because my ‘me too’ (being groped by lads when I was 14, which I suspect my sweet brothers know nothing about) is nothing compared to a close family member being raped - I don’t want to go picking at old wounds or reminding them of what happened to them.
So I’m glad about the message that’s doing the rounds about not everyone sharing their story

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 17/10/2017 10:16

I posted it.

What's been really valuable has been the discussions with men afterwards, especially those who had no idea how widespread it was. It has been a huge eye-opener for so many of them.

I've seen men I know posting stuff aimed at other men they know, encouraging them to call men out when they see this kind of stuff happen. I never see men talking about this stuff in public and suddenly it's all over my Facebook.

It's because we keep quiet, minimise, hide our shame, people don't realise how widespread this is.

People shouldn't feel pressured to take part. But sneering because it's Facebook is missing the point. Social media is a powerful tool for change.
I agree that comparing it to the ice bucket challenge is crass.

I'm really sorry if it's triggering for people but this is how attitudes change. It's possible to say "this kind of campaign isn't for me" yet still appreciate that those sharing their stories or simple #metoo keeping the spotlight on a conversation that needs to happen.

ravenmum · 17/10/2017 10:17

I feel a bit like posting #wellduh instead, it just seems so obvious that almost all, if not all women are going to be pestered in some way. Some comment or whistle or gesture that I assume would fall under this as well as the more violent end of the spectrum.

SentimentalLentil · 17/10/2017 10:17

'No one is forcing you to do it'

No but I'm having to think about it and question whether I should.
I'm just going about my day and suddenly I am forced to relive my abuse and that's supposed to good for victims?

I work with women who have PTSD and I can't help but feel this is irresponsible.

whiskyowl · 17/10/2017 10:18

"Women already know what we live with"

I'm not sure they do. A number of women I know have put "I support #metoo, but I've never been sexually harassed" - then, when others have questioned them, it's turned out they are exempting numerous incidents of groping or sexual comments because they "aren't serious".

I do think men are paying more attention to this. I feel like we are making some headway - slow and inadequate headway, mind - and this is an issue I've been storming about since the 90s.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 17/10/2017 10:18

I don't think I will be posting #metoo but I do think it would be a real eye opener to many people who are ignorant as to how common sexual abuse/harassment actually is.

GrumpyOldBlonde · 17/10/2017 10:18

I feel the same, very uncomfortable, actually yesterday I was reading all the threads here and things I though were long buried/dealt with/forgotten came rising to the surface

I went outside for a breath of air to consider whether to post Me Too and was shocked to find myself tearful and my kegs were shaking.
I'm OK today but it very triggering in a way I really didn't expect.

As a compromise I have reposted an article from Huff Post about the hashtag Me Too.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 17/10/2017 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread