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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To struggle with #metoo

362 replies

BookyBook · 17/10/2017 09:29

Is anyone else struggling with this?

I can't even articulate why and why I am so reluctant to post #metoo myself, although don't want to not either. My FB thread is full of it and I didn't realise it was a thing to do until yesterday and it has completely blindsided me.

Having said that I think it makes a very strong point, I just feel a little teary about seeing all the #metoos today in a way that is making me relive my own experiences that I have trained myself not to think about too much usually.

Is anyone else the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
BookyBook · 17/10/2017 09:42

The fact that you feel the way you do is not only an example of what an emotional issue it is, but also maybe an example of why it needs to be done

Agree with this also! I knew coming to MN would help ...

OP posts:
ThePeanutGallery · 17/10/2017 09:42

that's not news to most women.

I think you'd be surprised how many women bury their heads in the sand and say it isn't an issue or that the women were asking for it.

fizzthecat1 · 17/10/2017 09:42

I struggle with any trend on Facebook that claims to 'raise awareness', whilst not actually doing anything

Exactly.. It reminds me of the Ice Bucket challenge where virtually no one doing the challenges actually donated was all just attention seeking.

BishBoshBashBop · 17/10/2017 09:43

I don't feel comfortable sharing intimate information, however vaguely it's couched, with a group of people whose only excuse for not knowing how common it is is wilful bloody ignorance.

Completely agree

ThePeanutGallery · 17/10/2017 09:46

It reminds me of the Ice Bucket challenge where virtually no one doing the challenges actually donated was all just attention seeking.

The ice bucket challenge raised $115 million dollars for ALS research, not to mention turning the disease into a household name. That's hardly virtually no one and attention seeking. Hmm

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 17/10/2017 09:46

I've done it but absolutely support the many women who don't want to do it, for whatever reason.

I've had an annoying man already comment that it's sexist for only asking women to do it, as he has been assaulted too.
Fuck off you massive prick.

(Yes I know men have been groped and even raped but this is a campaign to highlight the prevalence of sexual violence and harassment towards women. Fuck off trying to make it about men. Again. It's about men pretty much all of the time. Now we can't even talk about women being mistreated without a man wanting in on it...)

SentimentalLentil · 17/10/2017 09:46

I haven't posted it.

It makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I 100% believe that sexual assault and harassment is extremely common and I doubt very much that there are many women who have not been affected however I don't see what this hashtag is supposed to be doing.

I actually find it extremely triggering, especially the 'if everyone posted then' but of the post, it implies that if you don't join in then you're not helping or even worse actively hindering.

If it's helping women then that's great, but I can't help but feel it's a bit irresponsible.

Also what is it trying to prove? It's the least accurate way to collect data ever, there's no qualifier for what counts as sexual harassment so it doesn't work as a sample.

CardsforKittens · 17/10/2017 09:47

What makes me uncomfortable is the eroticisation of sexual assault (e.g. in mainstream porn) coupled with widespread victim blaming, and hence the possibility that some men see victims/survivors of sexual assault as legitimate targets. It's a weird kind of fetishising of victims.

I've heard so many stories from women who have told a man about a past sexual assault only to discover it's been interpreted as some kind of sexy talk. Fucking disturbing.

So yeah, I worry that some men get off on that kind of disclosure.

Twitchingdog · 17/10/2017 09:48

I don't want to post #me too as one of boardline assault is on my facebook and i dont want cause him touble with his wife or son who are both on my Facebook.

diddl · 17/10/2017 09:48

Absolutely what Morris said.

BishBoshBashBop · 17/10/2017 09:49

I've had an annoying man already comment that it's sexist for only asking women to do it, as he has been assaulted too.

Fuck off you massive prick.

That's your reaction to someone who tells you they've been assaulted.

cochineal7 · 17/10/2017 09:49

Thank you for this thread, it put into words what I could not articulate. Actually the only thing that shocked and saddened me (and shows my own wilful ignorance) is that two of my male friends -both also from very male-dominated societies- posted a metoo.

Slimthistime · 17/10/2017 09:51

I don't usually do this kind of thing but I've posted

I wonder if perhaps it's upsetting you because it's altering how you see things, we all hope it's happened to fewer of us but then hear it's pretty much endless.

fizzthecat1 · 17/10/2017 09:51

The ice bucket challenge raised $115 million dollars for ALS research, not to mention turning the disease into a household name. That's hardly virtually no one and attention seeking. hmm

Hmm so you''re one of the people who did it but didn't donate? Touched a nerve have I? Smile

Every one I know who did it did not donate. Nor was there a phone number to donate to in their status. The VAST MAJORITY of people who did the challenge did not donate themselves. So yes those people ARE attention seeking. I'm not talking about the people who actually donated.

surferjet · 17/10/2017 09:51

I totally agree.
It’s turning something extremely serious & personal into something frivolous almost. Social media at it’s worst. ( hate twitter & FB at the best of times )

KoalaD · 17/10/2017 09:52

It's the least accurate way to collect data ever, there's no qualifier for what counts as sexual harassment so it doesn't work as a sample.

Well, there's this too. Given that 'sexual harrassment' covers a huge spectrum of behaviour from wolf-whistling and shouting out 'Wanna shag?!!' to actual rape...I'll go out on a limb and say 99% of women have been sexually harassed. Rendering the FB thing meaningless.

It's ingrained in our culture, we all know it; it's what we're going to DO about it that counts.

brasty · 17/10/2017 09:52

I posted me too, but I do also feel uncomfortable with it. The women I know already know how common this all is. Already know that most women they know will have experienced this. So I agree, not sure what it achieves on face book where it is people you know.

Also I know not everyone wants to say me too, and I am not sure I would if my family were on face book and face book friends. I have never talked about my experiences to them.

I am older and I posted on the MN thread "me too" and that I was raped. It was over 30 years ago and I told no one about it until 2 years ago. I think 20 years ago, when no one else knew, I would have found the me too thing very hard. It would have made me very tearful that I still had not been able to tell anyone about it. Sadly I suspect this is not that uncommon.

SentimentalLentil · 17/10/2017 09:53

No slim that's not why it's triggering me, I am extremely aware of how many women are sexually assaulted.

Silverthorn · 17/10/2017 09:53

I've not posted because I don't want anyone to probe about the details. Also it was many ambiguous and rather forgotten about instances rather than one clearly defined assault iyswim. Eg groped in a nightclub, sex with someone whilst extremely drunk..

Buggeritimgettingup · 17/10/2017 09:55

www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jul/26/ice-bucket-challenge-als-charity-gene-discovery

I have hash tagged myself in the me too as I am comfortable sharing that' I have been abused by more than one man at different times however I haven't gone into details

WhatwouldAryado · 17/10/2017 09:58

I did post just me too. Just that. I am very uncomfortable with the story sharing. Though I totally want to listen and support those who need to talk about what they've dealt with.
The story sharing and the meme are raw and feel partly voyeuristic. I am also wondering if it sends a negative message now. Only one woman on my friends list has not posted. How ducking depressing.

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 17/10/2017 09:58

I don't think it's quite the same as the ice bucket challenge.

There's not a lot that single individuals can do about ALS. But there is a lot single individuals can do about sexual harassment and assault.

I think it's crass to also compare women talking about sexual abuse of harassment to people throwing ice over their heads.

I posted the hashtag in twitter but I didn't give my story because I didn't feel comfortable going in to details. But seeing how many others did it genuinely made me feel a little less alone.

Myrobalanna · 17/10/2017 10:00

I'm another one who can't quite bring myself to post. My experience was one of grooming aged 10 and telling those in authority - so I never ended up being actually assaulted or worse. Nothing useful came of telling anyone but the paedophile backed off me. The older I get, the sicker I feel about the whole thing.

I'm also so so annoyed by the gay man on my FB feed who has rewritten the copy+paste to include men. I absolutely hate the idea that he's been assaulted, that gay men are assaulted, but actually this is about women's place in our society, that's the whole point.

ThePeanutGallery · 17/10/2017 10:00

Hmm so you''re one of the people who did it but didn't donate?

Actually I donated $20. I take issue with what you said because it's blatantly untrue. The campaign was hugely successful.

It's the least accurate way to collect data ever, there's no qualifier for what counts as sexual harassment so it doesn't work as a sample.

It's not about collecting data. It's about raising awareness.

I actually find the backlash against it the most disturbing thing. Everyone belittling it as attention seeking, or something that should remain personal, etc, are regurgitating the same tired lines and social conditioning that makes women stay silent in the first place. It is not attention seeking to highlight or say you've been harassed/abused and it is not something that should remain quiet and be kept to yourself.

I support he women who can't post it because it's emotionally triggering. But for the one's who say attention seeking, do fuck off.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 17/10/2017 10:03

Ther wont be a woman who has walked this earth who at some point hasnt had something inappropriate said, leered at, or had some inappropriate "accidental" touching ... thats before you even start on the deliberate coercive physical assaults.