Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Teacher accused son of racism

223 replies

Claireabella1 · 16/10/2017 23:48

Ive been a long time lurker but posted about something else earlier this week and really appreciated the advice I got, so here I go again. I received a call today from my son's school. It was the mentor for his year telling me that my son and another child had been placed in isolation for making racist comments towards a teacher and she was investigating. She said next step was to talk to all children in the class and also two other members of staff in the classroom at the time. I asked her what comment was made and it was vile. She told me my son was very upset and I knew in my gut he didn't do this, but was willing to listen and asked her to update me. She did (within half an hour) all children in class and the two other adults agreed what my son said was relevant and not racist (history class, talking about the plague, teacher called it 'black death' and DS said he'd heard of that, it killed lots of people) for context, hes12. Other member of staff said he took the comment as part of relevant classroom discussion. Mentor sounded embarrassed when she relayed this to me and apologised a lot, she admitted no racist comments had been made by anyone (DS air the other boy) she said teacher was confused and stressed. I asked if teacher would apologise to my DS and mentor said yes. She hasn't apologised and I'm fucking reeling. I think racism is a serious allegation and you can't just accuse someone of racism and then say 'whoops'I was stressed. I'm also worried that because they had to speak to the other children in the class things might become outrageous as they do in high school and my DS may suffer some backlash he doesn't deserve. I'm honestly fuming, he's the loveliest boy and has been through so much, this is so unfair to him.

OP posts:
Cinnamoniboni · 17/10/2017 09:07

bertrand the story of this incident makes no sense.

KoalaD · 17/10/2017 09:08

Of course people lie at work for all kind of reasons. To cover their backs, personal dislike, malice, panic, a long term agenda.

Yeah, you ignored my follow-up comment:

unless they have something to gain

Of course people lie at work to get themselves out of trouble, gain advantages, etc.

Why on actual earth would a teacher fabricate a comment completely, one that's too 'vile' for the OP to repeat, and then pretend a child said it? A child that had previously not been in trouble? Then draw it to everyone's attention by punishing the child?

This is a lie with zero motive and that can only cause trouble for the teacher.

Foxysoxy01 · 17/10/2017 09:11

There has got to be more to this than you have been told so far OP.

A teacher can't just lie blatantly with another adult/teacher in the room with them and not think the other person would ask wtf they were going on about.

There really has to be more to this. Did the teacher hear your son say something and thought he said something else?

Obviously if everything is as you have been told then the teacher needs some serious help! They can't be stable at all to make up stories about being racially attacked by the pupils they are teaching.

midnightmisssuki · 17/10/2017 09:14

I find this whole thread odd - OP, you say the teacher just made something racist up out of thin air and then accused your son of saying it? That is a very serious allegation to make - why would she do it, she is easily found out as there were witnesses? Did she mishear something? Did you son say something and she misheard it maybe?

I get how angry you are - but please find out all the facts before making an official complaint.

FritzDonovan · 17/10/2017 09:15

Why on earth would the teacher put DS in inclusion for nothing, then try and justify it by making up a vote comment and pretending he said it?? Knowing there were two other adults there and a classroom full of kids to corroborate events.

You're saying that no one actually said the comment, so what was said? She must have thought she'd heard something pretty bad, to have had that reaction, even if it wasn't precisely what she reported initially.

The 'vile comment' was actually not spoken by anyone teacher has admitted she didn't mistake another comment for this (I can't actually bring myself to type it, as pathetic as that sounds)

This makes less and less sense, and yes, it is a bit pathetic.

KoalaD · 17/10/2017 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 17/10/2017 09:17

Today 08:14 BertrandRussell

"One example: my ds 11 was told off for colouring his monster red and black (kids were designing monsters on the pic for a display) because she said "it could be construed as racist" ... "
TDNH.

what does TDNH mean?

littlemissglittersparkles · 17/10/2017 09:18

If people think the OP is exaggerating then why comment at all?
Seriously threads HAVE to be taken at face value on here because unless you know someone personally it cannot be proven or disproved.
Just don't get all these people who try to pick things apart. If OP WAS a troll she's not gonna admit it just because you're asking smart arse questions?

fleshmarketclose · 17/10/2017 09:18

A teacher once accused ds of making a racist comment when he said to his friend "Freda (not her name) Ho ho ho Merry Christmas" His friend laughed and asked him how many times he thought she'd heard that.
They were about to go for lunch together when a teacher blew his top and accompanied him to Head of Year. Ds had no idea what he had supposedly done, his friend had no idea she was supposed to be offended because they were friends and she saw it as it was meant as gentle ribbing.
It wasn't until it was pointed out to ds that he even realised his friend was of Malaysian descent because as he said it wasn't something he'd ever noticed or thought about or his friend had spoken about and he got teased plenty about his surname so didn't see that teasing over a surname was particularly serious.
It did blow over with nothing going on ds's record thankfully because it was accepted that ds genuinely hadn't meant to cause offence and his friend did leap to his defence saying that she hadn't felt insulted it was just typical of their friendship and there had been an over reaction from the teacher.The two remained friends throughout school and ds was never considered to have made another inappropriate comment so it didn't stick.

FritzDonovan · 17/10/2017 09:22

If people think the OP is exaggerating then why comment at all?
Because it doesn't make much sense, so it's difficult to make a considered comment, perhaps?

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2017 09:25

I don't think she's exaggerating. I think there must have been some sort of misunderstanding because he teacher's behaviour is so completely self destructive. Or she is having a breakdown of some sort.

tiggytape · 17/10/2017 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishappening · 17/10/2017 09:26

Difficult to comment without knowing what this vile comment was. It seems unreal that a teacher might take the comment that lots of people died in the black death and extrapolate it into something else: a vile racist comment.

If this really is so, then the teacher in question needs to be suspended pending enquiries.

Your son's well-being is what matters and I am sure that means no action as far as face-to-face between him and any staff. But you need to ensure that proper investigations of the teacher's actions (and his/her needs in terms of support or professional development) are being ealt with, and above all else that there is nothing placed on your son's school record.

Claireabella1 · 17/10/2017 09:28

Sorry, I've tried to reply but have poor signal at work. I do want to hear the teacher's side and don't want her to go through unnecessary distress if she made a genuine mistake, but that doesn't seem to be the case so far. I'm sorry if it sounds 'odd' it is to me too! School are being scarce with details. I'm going to draft an email to mentor this morning asking for an actual sequence of events and what teacher thinks happened.

OP posts:
KoalaD · 17/10/2017 09:32

OP was told that the teacher who lied admitted she lied.

No she wasn't. Nowhere does the OP say that the teacher 'admitted she lied'.

Lying requires saying something untrue, and knowing at the time of saying it that it is untrue. I am not seeing this.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 17/10/2017 09:33

Bert....
TDNH? Confused

Northernparent68 · 17/10/2017 09:34

Silk, false allegations of any sort undermine genuine claims, create an atmosphere of hysteria and build massive resentment. Some people who are falsely accused suffer enormously.

bruffin · 17/10/2017 09:35

Bluffin
She is calling you a liar (That Did Not Happen)

hasitcometothis33 · 17/10/2017 09:37

You understand OP that you’re putting yourself through unnecessary stress by agonising over what to do.

You have good reason to believe that the teacher made an unfounded and very serious accusation against your son.

If she needs extra support from the school (or whoever) that’s not your repsnosbsility. The issues of her practice won’t be resolved unless it’s raised formally.

Don’t pass go, don’t stress, just written complaint to school and to relevant regulatory body.

Let them worry about it.

MistressDeeCee · 17/10/2017 09:37

These days people are far more frightened of being accused of racism than they are of being the subject of a racist slur

In the real world we have to put up with racist microaggressions almost daily. If we respond we are aggressive, sensitive etc. Racism is so entrenched that people believe they have an automatic right to be racist and not ever be challenged or called out on it.

Whilst I understand its not going to be something that people who don't experience this will care about in the main, opining as if this is one big happy rainbow and speaking of "fear" in terms of calling out racism (based on one incident) makes no sense whatsoever

MulberryMoon · 17/10/2017 09:45

In the highly unlikely event that she had decided to make up a lie maliciously she wouldn't have done it with two other adults and kids in the room. She misheard more like.

Clavinova · 17/10/2017 09:46

She is calling you a liar (That Did Not Happen)

Ha, I thought TDNH stood for Tall, Dark, Not Handsome and the link was meant for the black pop star, not the red and black monster.

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2017 09:52

OP- is it possible that the teacher misheard? It's difficult to know what to think without knowing what your ds was accused of saying........

Clavinova · 17/10/2017 09:54

I seems plausible to me that the teacher misunderstood/was too sensitive regarding the Black Death comment, referred the matter to SLT out of earshot/sight of the other witnesses and 'made up' the 'vile comment' on the spur of the moment to make her referral seem 'less ridiculous'. Stress could easily cause someone to fluster and do something like this - the other witnesses probably didn't know anything about the extra comment until some time later when the matter was investigated further.

Amd724 · 17/10/2017 09:55

Koala, as a non white person, the beginning of this thread read like absolute hysteria and outrage over being called a racist, without people even fully knowing what the alleged racist/vile comments were.

So, to many black people, we comment all the time that some white people are more afraid to be called racist than to either call out racist behaviour, or acknowledge racist behaviour. They loathe being lumped in with people who are racist, when they themselves can display racist microagressions/behaviour. But, thats another discussion for a different post.

I find the entire story by the OP very strange, and don’t fully believe what’s being told to me. I know many teachers, they have zero incentive to LIE about a child, in front of multiple witnesses. I’d reserve any judgment of this teacher until I could speak to them directly.