Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the golden rule for men should be...

297 replies

brasty · 16/10/2017 13:51

.

I think the golden rule for men should be...
OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 16:25

No it wasn't a reply...

I was laughing at the bit I quoted...hence the grin

If you prefer i can do this

Hahahhahahahahahahaha

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 16:27

Or hohohohohoho

Get a bit festive...

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 16:34

Well, that says a hell of a lot more about you than it does about me if all you can do is mock others who dare to think differently to you.
Last time I checked, we didn't all have to think the same and have the same opinions.
It also cheapens your argument and just shows you up instead.

joystir59 · 17/10/2017 16:35

I've put up with sexist comments and sexual harrassment and sexual assault all my female life. Was raped at 13, and then repeatedly until 15 by a family member. Blamed for it.
It started with men spotting me in bus queues and telling me to 'smile love, it might never happen' when I was prepubescent. I was already seen as a target. It made me so uncomfortable. Uncomfortable being the way anger felt to an overly compliant girl born in the late fifties. Men have no idea how much women resent them, fear them, hate them because of the years of crap we've experienced at their hands. Do I have a chip on my shoulder? No, I have absolutely no trust in men and that is a healthy reaction based on the real life experience of a 60 year old woman. I have a couple of male friends and some male family members but I only have limited closeness with them because they live in a different world, and even when they DO understand the position of women they still live in a different world from mine.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 16:39

kyryten

You just berated someone for not reading your post properly after you didnt read someone elses post properly

I have not mocked you for thinking differently at all and as far as remember i have not put you down for your opinions as i think eveyone is entitled to their opinions

joystir59 · 17/10/2017 16:40

I've forgot! My first experience of being preyed on by an adult male was when I was 9. My friend and I were playing in bushes on a piece of common land (this was 1966, we played like that then), and a man grabbed tight hold of us both, one in each arm. We struggled and ran free of him luckily. Nine years old. We could easily have ended up on the news.

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 16:44

You just berated someone for not reading your post properly after you didnt read someone elses post properly
I have not mocked you for thinking differently at all

picking bits out and just doing a grinny face or a hahaha or a festive hoho, take your pick, but not doing anything else, kind of is mocking.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 17/10/2017 16:56

Nice try but I didn't say all men were a menace, but that as a sex they are ((see stats for rape, GBH and sexual assault) you said in response that not all women were whiny bitches which implies that as a sex women are whiny bitches.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 16:57

I am not mocking your opinion

I am laughing at the fact that you are annoyed at someone doing what you have done

So its ok for you not to read someone's posts properly and pick out bits

But its not ok for anyone else

Thats fine ...now i know

Pumperthepumper · 17/10/2017 17:28

The trouble is though, men can't know if the random woman they are approaching on the street is up for a chat or not - there's no way of knowing. My life experiences have taught me to be wary of men approaching me when I'm alone. Most, if not all, of my friend' experiences have been the same. So it makes sense that men stop doing that - it's not like there aren't loads of places to meet single people who ARE up for a chat.

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 17:37

My life experiences have taught me to be wary of men approaching me when I'm alone

Yes, that's your issues and experiences though. It's not all women's.
Men should be free to chat to women, I don't want them to feel like they can't talk to us unless we already know them (which was implied earlier on in the thread.)
There's a world of difference between chatting to women and harrassing them.

Pumperthepumper · 17/10/2017 17:42

Yes, that's your issues and experiences though. It's not all women's.

As I said though, it's the experience of the majority of woman I know.

There's a world of difference between chatting to women and harassing them

How do I know if a man approaching me is planning to chat to me or harass me? How does he know if I want to be chatted to?

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 17:52

How do I know if a man approaching me is planning to chat to me or harass me? How does he know if I want to be chatted to?

You don't, but the answer to stopping harrassment isn't to forbid all men from speaking to women they don't know as that's absurd.

Mantegnaria · 17/10/2017 17:55

God this thread is depressing. Anyone would think that dismantling the social constraints on public behaviour in the 1960s might not have been an unqualified success.

Original poster
brasty · 17/10/2017 17:58

You would also think that it is 1 woman in a 1,0000 who experiences problems with some men in public places. The reality is it is most men, at some time or other.

OP posts:
newtlover · 17/10/2017 17:58

you surely aren't suggesting that women and girls weren't routinely harassed and worse in public prior to the 1960s?

Original poster
brasty · 17/10/2017 17:59

So would my dad cat call or grope, no. Did he do it when younger with a crowd of mates and drinking -probably.

OP posts:
Prideinmyplace2 · 17/10/2017 17:59

Cappuccinoloverr I think that is a terrible thing to say YouMeanNothing - it could be true or not, but to say "see a therapist" is like me saying to you, why do you feel the need to control others?!

I also think it ridiculous that men should not speak to women in public or pay them a compliment...In fact some of the comments reflect the unhealthy masculine in women.

Where is the love?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2017 17:59

Grown men were harassing school girls in the 1950s too. I know because the women in my family talk.

Pumperthepumper · 17/10/2017 18:10

the answer to stopping harrassment isn't to forbid all men from speaking to women they don't know as that's absurd

But it's not 'speaking to women they don't know' is it, it's approaching women who are in a vulnerable position - like, alone at night, walking home from work, reading in a quiet train carriage and so on.

Genuinely, I would be interested in what you think would tackle harassment? Because to me, saying 'most women don't like this, please stop doing it' seems pretty reasonable.

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 18:17

I also think it ridiculous that men should not speak to women in public or pay them a compliment..

Same. Random compliments are always nice from either males or female, and talking to others is called being friendly.
It's a miserable day if we all can't talk to each other.

Purplealienpuke · 17/10/2017 19:40

I spent a lovely afternoon randomly with a man I hadn't met before because I had a free ticket going spare to an attraction recently. I was not chatting him up and he was not chatting me up. We had a pleasant conversation and said goodbye at the end of it. We are adults... I don't deny there is infantile wolf whistling or worse still creepy letching still going on in this day and age. & I am more than aware of sexual abuse as I have been on the receiving end of it. But not all men are vile!! There are some women who fit the above description too. I read about the gay man that was sexually assaulted by a woman at a party because he was gay!! Many of us have heard that, you must be a dyke if you don't fancy me bullshit. It's time for people to treat each other with respect me thinks?? 🤔

mishfish · 17/10/2017 19:49

Stealing that!

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2017 19:53

"But not all men are vile!! There are some women who fit the above description too."

Bingo!

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 20:10

"But not all men are vile!! There are some women who fit the above description too."

Exactly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread