To say DS needs to go to the closest dance school?

[daughterhollysonharry]

DS is 11 and really wants to take up ballet. There's a boys dance school about a 20 minute drive away. There's a closer dance school about 3 mins away which would be helpful as he can walk.

DD goes to girl guides as she didn't want to do the trips with boys (I suppose this is relevant).

I've said that DS should just try the closer one and if the girls do say something, we'll assess it after. Apparently his argument is that I didn't make DD try the closer scouts, but the thing is, that's harder to get into/leave, etc.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Why can't he just give it a go?

AIBU???

Why are your daughter's feelings more important than your son's?

I can understand why you are surprised so many of us know the school. As a non dance mum the dance world is a huge learning curve.

But this particular school is amazing, with an amazing reputation. Please give him the chance to try it.

At that age I'd say it is more important to get specific teaching. The exam exercises differ and he will need to build up strength and stamina. It will also be more social for him. Why woukd your dd get to choose and he not

the impression I’m getting is more that you have an issue with a boy doing ballet. How sad for your son.

Why are your daughter’s wishes more important than your sons? I mean they clearly are, and he knows that. Poor lad.

At 13 DD hadn't done ballet before & chose the 'best' in her opinion, it was 45 minutes away & 3 times a week
by 14 she was doing 4 nights a week plus a class in a town (4.5 hrs) 2 hts away
by 15 she was doing 4 nights a week plus 2 classes in London 2 hrs by train

at 11 he has ctach up & will get it best in a class designed to teach him what he needs to know - we had a school about 10 minutes away but DD knew it wasn't right for her.....she was right

Even if he does it for one term it will improve his concentration, his learning and his football

Sorry op I agree with others, dd wanted to be with girls, you let her, ds wants to dance with boys, you refuse. Let him go to the boys only class, you're lucky to have one 20 minutes away.

Oh my God. My eldest son does ballet. I would drive the two and a half hours it would take from our place to get him to London Boys Ballet school. You are INSANE OP. Take him, take him, TAKE HIM!

I’m very glad that feminism has made it OK for girls to do football, rugby etc but my heart breaks every time DS1 asks me, ‘But mummy why am I the only boy?’ I have no answer. Someone asked a woman in my own dance class if any of her three sons danced, she laughed out loud and (actually, she actually) said, ‘Boys don’t do dance!’ A friend has posted pictures all over her Facebook of her younger child in her new ballet uniform - she’s under three so has hardly had a say in whether she starts or not. It clearly didn’t cross her mind to start her older child, a boy, at the same age, or ever.

If people like the OP have the attitude that they don’t really want to take their sons to ballet because it’s a hassle oh, and they might get picked on, even if said son really wants to do it, we have no fucking hope.

Agree with everyone else; YABU

I only have daughters but if I had a son they'd definitely be going to that dance school and I live an hour out of London. Unless of course they didn't want to dance in which case I suppose I'd just have to get over it

Oh course I'm biased - my husband is a dance teacher (not ballet)

My ds having totslly refused to dance before has just taken up tap & jazz aged 13. I pay for private lessons because the alternatives would either be being in a class with 7 year old girls or a bunch of older girls who are much more advanced.

OP - I cannot believe how unfair and small minded you are being!! He wants to do ballet then let him! Any activities he would enjoy should be encouraged! Also YABU as your daughter has one rule and son another! Is this all because you don't want him to start ballet?

What do you have against boys learning ballet? You’ve obviously not watched Billy Elliott. Would you support your DD doing ballet?

Wow, you are a pretty mean mother.

He will remember this and hate you for not supporting him. U need to sort yourself out, start being supportive, and happily take him to the boys ballet classes.

This is sad. At 11 your son still has the potential for a professional career in ballet if he has the ability, and the opportunities (and wants to do it). The boys school will provide him with a supportive community of other male dance students, teachers who are often ex-dancers, fantastic performance opportunities and professional level facilities.

If he goes to secondary school and is bullied (not guaranteed to happen) you need to be able to comfort him and allow him to follow his dreams, not agree with the people bullying him that it is a bit weird for a boy to do ballet.

Without male dancers, there wouldn't BE any dance companies, no ballets, no female dancers.

Wow - it's pretty obvious that you have a rather outdated view of boys doing ballet and it's YOU that's worried what people will think. Several of my male friends have studied dance professionally and been to ballet school - they are fitter than any footballer you will ever meet and have had incredible opportunities through dance.

Support your DS in his goals - he has an opportunity to attend an incredible dance school that will give him proper training - and you want to deny him that?! Let him go to the school he wants to go do, support him, encourage him, empower him and IF he DOES get any grief from anyone about doing ballet - your job is to help him stand up for himself, not tell him he shouldn't do it because of what some small minded muppets might think.

SHE HAS SAID SHE WILL LOOK INTO IT!

I wouldn't discourage him,

You have already discouraged him. He is clearly more likely to feel comfortable with other boys, and will get along better being taught in a class that's meant for boys, yet you've insisted on him trying the other class first. You've got to the point where he would rather not do it at all, which means you have successfully discouraged him.

Where do you think male dancers come from? If your son wanted to be a nurse or a primary school teacher would you also discourage that? He's done a very brave thing by even suggesting that he'd like to do it, and that alone suggests that it's something that would mean a lot to him. If your concern is bullying and not fitting in, I'd suggest that this is far more likely if he goes to a local girls' class, so sending him to the boys' school would be a better idea anyway.

Wombling If the girl had a good reason for wanting to go to something further away, I would absolutely support the child. In this case, OP's DS has 2 excellent reasons for wanting to go to the boys' school - one emotional and one practical. Unless you have examples of that, please take your straw man argument somewhere else.

There will never be equality whilst people ascribe an activity to one sex and get over-excited if the opposite sex want to partake in it.

That's true. There will only be gender equality once that stage has been moved past. At the moment, though, is important to encourage people who are brave enough to do things that aren't typically ascribed to their gender role. That's the only way we will get to a point where boys in ballet classes and girls doing STEM courses is normal, and therefore not worth cheerleading.

I would send him there. If it's the school everyone seems to think it is, can he get there by bus?

You also might find once he starts that there are people you could car pool with.

Self esteem and body consciousness are such big issues for young people and it sounds very much like this is where your son is coming from when he says he wants to go there.

Good luck looking into it

YABU.

After a certain age / stage boys ballet is different to girls ballet. At my daughter’s ballet school (and her old one), they won’t teach boys and girls together when they’re older, because they are taught different things.

If you have the opportunity to send him to a boy’s ballet class, I’d argue that the reasoning is much stronger than the reasoning you’ve got for sending your daughter to guides. Quite simply, at best it’s not ideal, at worst it’s inappropriate to send your son to a girl’s class, especially when you do have the option of a boys class.

Thanks to people on this thread for telling me about LBBS, I'll be sending DS when he is old enough

OP, I get the impression that you aren't particularly into ballet yourself, and imagine male dancers are a bit girly and prance around in tights a lot. Please google Edward Watson (amazing emotional range), Carlos Acosta (very powerful dancer) or watch this trailer of ADT doing a Wayne McGregor piece:

Very muscular dancers, combining a huge amount of physical strength with grace and coordination. You may or may not like it from an artistic point of view, but you can't deny the athleticism and skill required. I would be ecstatic if DS aspired to do something like that.

Dance classes are also a really fun activity in themselves - DH took up contemporary dance in his mid-30s and beginner ballet at 38, and to his surprise he absolutely loves it (having had no previous dance experience).

London Contemporary Dance School/The Place also does all-boy contemporary classes on saturday mornings, if anyone else has dance-mad sons. Same (excellent) male teachers as their adult professional classes.

Please let him go! He must really love the idea. Ok he might decide he cba with it in a year's time, he might be the next Nureyev.
If the OP had a girl who wanted to do something 20 minutes away when there was another group closer to home, everyone would be supporting the OP, and saying she should tell her kid to get over it. I don't agree with this, if the DD had a good reason people would say to let her - fair enough that OP's DD prefers Guides. DS should get the same consideration. OP you do come across as favouring her DD.
I wonder how far away DD's Guides is, and if you take her?
If you're in London couldn't DS get there by public transport anyway?

You sound like a horrible mother tbh, your poor son

This is something that he clearly wants to do. He doesn’t feel the same passion for football, rugby. Why do you care about your son being ‘cool’ or not in regards to taking up dance ? Surely you should support him regardless of how ‘uncool’ or unpopular he may seem. I can see why he feels like you’re being unsupportive. You’re not taking him seriously and are more concerned with ‘image’

I’m a 21 year old in London, work in fashion in for an extremely ‘cool’ brand/company, go to a ‘cool’ university and have many ‘cool’ friends (seems like you would approve!). I can categorically state that people who can dance are also considered ‘cool’, attractive etc. Dance is also a wide field, he may move onto a different style in the future. At least he’ll be dancing at future parties, clubs, events etc with rhythm and not looking an embarrassing, hot stiff mess? Now that’s uncool.

Remember he’ll always remember how you treated him during this...

Are you worried he might catch the gay, OP? 🤔🙄

YABVU

Wow, so you would not support him in this just to make life a bit easier for you?
Unusual attitude from a parent tbh!