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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DS needs to go to the closest dance school?

152 replies

daughterhollysonharry · 16/10/2017 13:49

DS is 11 and really wants to take up ballet. There's a boys dance school about a 20 minute drive away. There's a closer dance school about 3 mins away which would be helpful as he can walk.

DD goes to girl guides as she didn't want to do the trips with boys (I suppose this is relevant).

I've said that DS should just try the closer one and if the girls do say something, we'll assess it after. Apparently his argument is that I didn't make DD try the closer scouts, but the thing is, that's harder to get into/leave, etc.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Why can't he just give it a go?

AIBU???

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 16/10/2017 17:22

This is either a piss take or the OP needs to take a long hard look at themselves. Sexism, ignorance, favouritism of the children and wilful obstruction of a child's wish to join a sport. Classy.

Please let the boy dance. Take him to see Billy Elliott on West End if you need validation.

TurquoiseChevrotain · 16/10/2017 17:23

@VivienneWestwoodsKnickers that's no longer on.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 16/10/2017 17:24

Ah shame it was wonderful! Still, fortunately for the OP it's on DVD etc.

Aridane · 16/10/2017 17:28

Your follow on posts, OP, make you sound even more unreasonable . Poor DS

StormTreader · 16/10/2017 17:30

Surely its his choice whether he wants to risk being made fun of, not yours. You'd think there had never been a male ballet dancer before!

I suspect the issue here is really that you dont want to tell people you have a son that does ballet, and you think it would be "nicer" all round if you firmly squash that one while he gets to watch his sister do all the "cool" male sports she wants to.

Original poster
daughterhollysonharry · 16/10/2017 17:37

Oh come on, I wouldn't discourage any activity. I'm not being that mean. I'll look into it.

OP posts:
strongswans · 16/10/2017 17:39

It’s your sons decision to risk being teased about. For what it’s worth, if he has made that decision any teasing won’t bother him, my DS has danced ballroom and lasting for years now and competes, we have just arrived home from his 1st ballet lesson, at his request and the best in the area as that’s what he should get. Ds is 12 and never had any bother as if anyone says anything it glides off of him. Let your son go where he is confident and happy too.

Booboobooboo84 · 16/10/2017 17:43

Except you clearly are discouraging him because you won't support his dreams

Justgivemesomepeace · 16/10/2017 17:47

He needs to go to the best dance school not the nearest. You're doing him a massive disservice if you don't give him the best opportunities you can.

Allthewaves · 16/10/2017 17:47

I'd love my boys to try ballet even just from the strength and flexibility aspect

Ermm · 16/10/2017 17:48

"I wouldn't discourage any activity" - but you have literally just told us that you HAVE discouraged your son doing this activity by telling him to go to the closer one rather than the school he wants.

You have been mean. I imagine your son feels pretty upset which is why he said he wouldn't try the girls ballet school.

Frankly I think your sons deserves an apology and a full statement of support.

And as for the scouts being harder to get into and get out of (!?) than the London School of Boys Ballet or whatever it is - I find that extraordinary difficult to believe.

twinone · 16/10/2017 17:51

Your poor son Sad, it's as if you don't value his opinion at all.

Are you one of these mother's who love one child more than the other? And struggle not to show it?

Secretsthatnevershouldbetold · 16/10/2017 17:54

Also - boys ballet is different to girls ballet. So if he has the opportunity to actually be taught boys ballet, rather than to attend a class which (lets face it) is designed for girls and teaches the girls syllabus, then why wouldn't you?

Rinoachicken · 16/10/2017 17:55

What Ermm said.

Half hearted support will be so self evident and even worse in a way than non at all. You need to genuinely and 100% get behind him with what HE wants to do, not what YOU want him to do.

And if you can’t bring yourself to do that, then you need to have a really long hard look at yourself and why you are treating your two children so differently.

He will NEVER forget that his mum so blatantly favoured his sister.

notgivingin789 · 16/10/2017 17:59

Yes, I agree with your DS.

Boys who take up dance is quite rare, usually due to the social stigma of it. I should know ! I took up Dance in A- levels. I think it's great your DS wants to take up ballet and prefers to go to the one which is 2 hours away.

DS swimming class is an hour away from us. I take him because the company are best at teaching children like him , to learn how to swim effectively.

CamperVamp · 16/10/2017 18:00

Good for you, OP.

He will make you proud. I am sure he will get far greater opportunities at the London Boys Ballet School. Proper stage facilities, professional choreographers. I would be totally chuffed if one of mine wanted to get involved.

Starlight2345 · 16/10/2017 18:06

I wonder if it was something like a basketball team you would be happy to drive him 20 minutes.

I have a 10 year old DS who did a dance class after school a couple of years ago and because it was all girls , very girly led so he quit. So yes if my DS wanted to do ballet and there was a boys class I I would send him there.

The fact it is not something a lot of boys decided to do shows he has a passion about it. I just asked my year 6 DS if he would want to a ballet class..He firstly looked at me like I was deranged.. Then asked if there was a mixed class or boys class would you care which one you went to ..Yes he would only go to the boys one.

I do think you need to look inwards what part is your prejudices?

Footle · 16/10/2017 19:11

What you really don’t want is someone going into teenage feeling resentment and frustration because they haven’t been able to try something that excites them.

WomblingThree · 16/10/2017 19:20

If the OP had a girl who wanted to do something 20 minutes away when there was another group closer to home, everyone would be supporting the OP, and saying she should tell her kid to get over it.

The way everyone is falling over themselves to show how “gender neutral” they are backfires as usual. It proves that “genders” will never be equal while people are cheerleading because a boy wants to do ballet. This shouldn’t even be a thing. There will never be equality whilst people ascribe an activity to one sex and get over-excited if the opposite sex want to partake in it.

Sirzy · 16/10/2017 19:21

No I wouldn’t wombling. The only person who has views that differ based on the gender of the child is the OP!

Ewanwhosearmy · 16/10/2017 19:43

I used to drive my 2 boys 40 mins to their ballet class...

quercuscircus · 16/10/2017 20:02

I agree with the majority. You are being mean, unfair and massively unsupportive. You will have hurt him much more than he will let on. It sucks when your own parent makes you feel like you aren't worth the bother. Poor lad :(

Secretsthatnevershouldbetold · 16/10/2017 20:04

Wombling - it isn't the same, though. The boys' ballet class would be more suitable for the boy than the closer class would be. He would be more likely to enjoy it.

I drive past 2 or 3 dance schools to take my daughter to her dance class, because we chose the one that offered the best fit for her.

AlexanderHamilton · 16/10/2017 20:07

If you are only 20 mins away from a boys dance school then I'd grab it with both hands.

Parents of dancing boys travel miles. To get the chance to attend one off workshops for boys. To have a school so close is amazing.

HeebieJeebies456 · 16/10/2017 20:09

Why can't he just give it a go?
Why didn't you expect this of - or even say it - to your dd when she refused to go to the mixed group?

it isn't like he has absolutely nothing that he loves and ballet would be the only thing
Why didn't you have the same attitude towards your dd then instead of enabling her to join girls-only guides? It's not like she doesn't have any other extra curricular activities is it?

So your encouraging him to follow gender stereotypes but it’s ok for your daughter to break them?
This with bells on!
I wonder - do you expect/insist that dc FATHER/DAD change nappies, do equal amount of housework and childcare?

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