Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DS needs to go to the closest dance school?

152 replies

daughterhollysonharry · 16/10/2017 13:49

DS is 11 and really wants to take up ballet. There's a boys dance school about a 20 minute drive away. There's a closer dance school about 3 mins away which would be helpful as he can walk.

DD goes to girl guides as she didn't want to do the trips with boys (I suppose this is relevant).

I've said that DS should just try the closer one and if the girls do say something, we'll assess it after. Apparently his argument is that I didn't make DD try the closer scouts, but the thing is, that's harder to get into/leave, etc.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Why can't he just give it a go?

AIBU???

OP posts:
Original poster
daughterhollysonharry · 16/10/2017 16:34

The thing is, girls are seen as 'cool' if they do those. DD does play football, but there's a girls football team at school and she's rather popular.

DS likes football, etc. he already has sports that he likes. What's the point in adding in another one where people could/would take the piss out of him?

He's still in primary, but I know secondary school peers wouldn't be as approving.

I wouldn't discourage him, but I don't feel like it's something where you need to go above and beyond for either.

OP posts:
Mitzimaybe · 16/10/2017 16:34

YABU. Take him to the boys dance class.

Sirzy · 16/10/2017 16:36

So your encouraging him to follow gender stereotypes but it’s ok for your daughter to break them?

Seems to be a lot of double standards really!

If he wants to do it, and he doesn’t care what people think then why should you? Why send him the message that it is wrong?

MuseumOfCurry · 16/10/2017 16:36

I wouldn't discourage him, but I don't feel like it's something where you need to go above and beyond for either.

You're wrong. He's done something pretty amazing for a boy, which is express and interest in ballet. You're giving him all the ammo he needs to shy away from it.

MuseumOfCurry · 16/10/2017 16:38

Bluntly, you're just being lazy and apathetic.

Lancelottie · 16/10/2017 16:38

He's still in primary, but I know secondary school peers wouldn't be as approving

Which is precisely why he sees the need for peers who are approving.

Send him to the boys' dance school. DS very much wishes he'd taken up dance earlier in life (he started at 14).

minisoksmakehardwork · 16/10/2017 16:39

Your son has a point and ime you should heed it. I have 3 gymnasts in my dc. 2 girls, 1 boy. When ds2 started gymnastics he was in an all girls class. It wasn’t strictly all girls but he did struggle with being the only boy. Once I moved him to the boys class he came on in leaps and bounds. The teaching was different, the moves are different. Just because he is a boy. It made so much difference to his confidence and he is blooming from being in a boys only group.

Pinkponiesrock · 16/10/2017 16:40

I've got a son who would be a fantastic ballet dancer, he copies my daughter all the time when she's practicing at home and dances better despite never having been to lessons. Can I get him to go to classes????? I'd love it if we had the chance of a boys class, but we are at the other end of the country so no opportunities like that! I'd encourage your son with as much as possible, he's helping to redefine gender stereotypes.
My DD dances ballet, tap and Highland but also plays football and spends most of her life covered in mud around the ponies and other animals, they don't have to follow one path or another.

Booboobooboo84 · 16/10/2017 16:41

You just don't want a son that dances. That's how your coming across. Nothing you've said justifys not giving him a chance at the boys school.

Katedotness1963 · 16/10/2017 16:41

20 minutes isn't long and it'll make him happy. I say go for it!

BarbarianMum · 16/10/2017 16:43

For goodness sake take him! Ds2 does ballet and has been the only boy in the class for 4 years now. Our nearest boys only class is 1hr 20min away so he decided he'd stay where he is (prefers tap and street anyway) but will probably give it up in a year precisely because of this.

Being an 11 year old boy doing ballet is tough. If he has a chance of a peer group fgs let him. Or are you not very happy he dances?

Ermm · 16/10/2017 16:45

So you don't want him to do ballet - which he clearly wants to do - because other prejudiced people might laugh at him.

And its "okay" that your daughter plays football because she's popular.

So what - your son should live his life on the basis of what is socially acceptable to the mainstream regardless of what he wants to do?

Have a think about what values you are teaching him and how thats going to go setting him up for a life of fulfilment.

I was joking before about watching Billy Eliot. I am no longer joking. Watch it. Now.

CamperVamp · 16/10/2017 16:46

You're giving up on his behalf before he has even started.

Actually, in a London secondary a boy who goes to the London Boys Ballet School probably would not face much comment.

Come on, OP, make his day, believe in him, support him and say YES, and how wonderful it is as an idea.

Quit with your grudging and reservations and misgivings.

Ermm · 16/10/2017 16:47

And in any case dancing can be WAY cool for boys. You need to look beyond the norms of what sounds like a very limited social world you are trying so hard to fit into.

ZanyMobster · 16/10/2017 16:47

I think YABVVU to not take him. 20 mins is hardly a distance. We travel in excess of an hour for various cricket/football matches and don't think anything of it, even training is 20-30 mins drive in the winter but it's a better club so it doesn't bother me.

I wonder if it was your DD who had been asked to go to a different dance class because of ability or something would you jump at that chance? I do think the reason for him doing a boys only class is as valid, if not more, than your DDs reasoning re guides.

drspouse · 16/10/2017 16:47

Would you discourage your son from babysitting/sewing/cooking/being an all round caring individual also, because those are seen as "girl" activities and are likely to get him teased at secondary school?

starzig · 16/10/2017 16:49

Take him wherever he is more likely to feel comfortable

starzig · 16/10/2017 16:49

Take him wherever he is more likely to feel comfortable

melj1213 · 16/10/2017 17:02

YABU OP because you care more about what other people will think about your son being a dancer than you care about what your son wants.

He wants to be a dancer. He wants to go to the school where he will be with his peers and get exceptional tutoring. He wants to pursue something he enjoys. He has tried to express his wants to his mother who has just shut him down because he doesn't want to do what is most convenient, even though it's not what he wants and is then using that against him.

Why would you discourage that just because it's not a "typical" boys hobby?

ShoesHaveSouls · 16/10/2017 17:03

DS likes football, etc. he already has sports that he likes. What's the point in adding in another one where people could/would take the piss out of him?

You just don't want him to do ballet do you?

YABU.

Liadain · 16/10/2017 17:06

Yes, totally unreasonable. If it's not fine for him to do single sex ballet, then it isn't fine for your daughter to do Guides. I think his reasoning is a lot more sound than hers tbh, if we're comparing them - I imagine a boy is more likely to be teased for doing ballet with girls than a girl is for doing Scouts with boys!

BewareOfDragons · 16/10/2017 17:07

Of course you're being unreasonable IF you can get him there and afford it, even if it means a bit of juggling.

You have to be reasonably even-handed in these things.

Lalala82 · 16/10/2017 17:08

Yabu and this makes me sad. He's expressed an interest in an awesome hobby and you are not supporting him despite supporting his sister in hers.

ujerneyson · 16/10/2017 17:09

He's still in primary, but I know secondary school peers wouldn't be as approving

That's why you should encourage him to go to the specialist school all the more. I'm not sure what kind of boys you're imagining there but there are all sorts. Certainly by the time that they get to about 14 or 15 nobody is going to be saying a word to them as they're unbelievably strong and in incredible physical shape.

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2017 17:10

This is so sad :( You're trying to put him off ballet because you think he shouldn't do it because you think people will take the piss.

I'd be proud that he didn't care what other people thought!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread