To say DS needs to go to the closest dance school?

[daughterhollysonharry]

DS is 11 and really wants to take up ballet. There's a boys dance school about a 20 minute drive away. There's a closer dance school about 3 mins away which would be helpful as he can walk.

DD goes to girl guides as she didn't want to do the trips with boys (I suppose this is relevant).

I've said that DS should just try the closer one and if the girls do say something, we'll assess it after. Apparently his argument is that I didn't make DD try the closer scouts, but the thing is, that's harder to get into/leave, etc.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Why can't he just give it a go?

AIBU???

You don't have to say, but I'm assuming it's the boys ballet school in London? They offer boys dance classes from ballet, tap, musical theatre, etc. it is a really good school to take classes with btw, so I'd definitely make the effort.

YABU - make the effort for him to go the boys' class

"OP: Am I being Unreasonable?
Us: Yes you are
OP: No I'm not"

Off the point, but is there any chance of retiring this sort of lazy PA post?

Go to the school that produces the best dancers, and offers examinations with one of the top examination boards. A boy who wants to do ballet should be encouraged!! I would ask both schools if he can do a trial session and see which is the most professional (don't be swayed by the 'glossiest' i.e. if one has fancy premises with sprung floors and mirrors and the other is in a church hall, it doesn't necessarily mean that the fancy one has better teachers.

I suggest asking your son which class he enjoyed, but also which teacher/way of teaching did he prefer? A class just for boys, may seem like a good idea, but if the class is a huge range of ages and abilities (all their male students lumped together in one group) this can be far from ideal. A class of students who are fairly similar ages and abilities is much better regardless of the gender mix, as long as the teacher takes the time to explain and demonstrate the differences between boys' and girls' ballet training.

Your son has a valid point and it seems you don't want to support him as its too far away by 17 minutes.

Scouts isn't hard to leave. You just say you want to leave!! And getting into Scouts is only difficult if there is a waiting list as it is over-subscribed. I am a Scout Leader and ours leave now and then. Cancel the direct debit that pays your subs if you do it that way and don't turn up next week and voila you have left!

@dancinfeet if it is the boys ballet school in London, the classes have every single grade for all the different styles of dancing, all boys.

I think you’re being really unreasonable. Your son wants to do dance and would surprise surprise be more comfortable doing it in a boys dance school.

20 minute drive really not that long!?

And TOTAL double standard with your DD.

Cripes.

Why yes ceto you can unilaterally ban the expression of a certain opinion because it irritates you. Oh no wait..

How is it lazy or PA? It is pointing out that the OP came on with an agenda (as the majority do) but is not willing to accept dissenting opinions.

It is an interesting point. In this case the OP has repeated the same seeming irrelevance several times now - ‘scouts is harder to get in to’ as her defence for her position. So she appears close minded on the opposing arguments, and she’s not making much sense - why does it matter if scouts is harder to get in to? Why does ds have less right to regard for his feelings?

It’s 20 minuted ffs, don’t be a dick. He so hates the idea of mix gender school that he is willing to give up what he wants altogether, and you’re happy to just let that dream die. Nice.

YABU and your DS is spot on about double standards, give him the chance to be in an environment where him will be happier.

dancinfeet

Go to the school that produces the best dancers, and offers examinations with one of the top examination boards. A boy who wants to do ballet should be encouraged!! I would ask both schools if he can do a trial session and see which is the most professional

This with bells on

my dd(3) is at a performing arts school and they have mixed classes and regularly produce top quality dancers, the attitude through out the school is lovely and they put on regular performances where each child has the opportunity to perform regardless of skill and experience performing in a local theatre

Isn't men's and women's ballet different? If he is in a mixed group he will be in the minority and most of his lesson will be learning the 'women's' style.

MyKingdom, I didn't ask for a ban, I asked for retirement. It's lazy because it's something that's so regularly trotted out on here, usually as part of a pile-in on the OP, and frequently inaccurately. And I say that as someone who does actually agree that OP is being U in this instance.

My step son did dance and he loved it until the dance school went from renting a hall outside of the village to renting the local school hall. This meant the girls from his class started doing it and word spread that he was a boy doing dance.
He wanted to quit as he wasn't enjoying it anymore and then getting stick at school for it made it worse.
We supported him quitting but did give an option of a different school but he choose not to.
I think you should give your son a chance to attend the boys school as it will help him enjoy it more.
Sometimes having kids and encouraging them to take up hobbies means you've made your life more difficult but it will be worth it

Well the thing your issue isn't about whether he should go to the closest or the furthest school.
It's whether he will go to do some dance or not.
If he doesn't go the boy dance school, he is clearly not going to do it (whatever the reasons but I suspect being selfconcious, worried about being the only boy, ending up with other girls who are in his school are all relevant worries).

Which is exactely the same issue than with your dd. If she hadn't being to the one furthest away, I imagine she wouldn't have done the activity either?

So please think. Do you want to give to your ds the same chance than your dd at trying an activity they want to do?
If yes, then take him to the one further away.

This the sort of thing that childrnen remember. When you favour one over the other

Scouts is hard to get into, ^its even harder to leave”

Why OP is it a cult? Did you sign up in blood

YABU I'm afraid.

Your daughter got to choose which location her activity took place in to avoid the opposite sex, so your son should be afforded the same respect.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Why can't he just give it a go?

"Don't worry Mum" - the classic way in which a child whose dream has just been pissed on manages their disappointment. I suspect you don't really want him to dance which is why you're testing his resolve and trying to put him off.

And it isn't hard to leave Scouts. You just stop going.

ceto it’s not a pile on and it’s not inaccurate, so in fact your criticism is lazy in assuming that the regularity with which you see that criticism means it becomes irrelevant even when correct.

He has had the courage to ask for something that most boys would shy away from, he has chosen the school he wants to attend, and you refuse.

Agree with PP, your son will remember this.
Anything else you'd like to deter him from doing?

YABU

You are being really, really unreasonable! My ds gave up ballet, which he really enjoyed, because of the bitchy behaviour of the girls and parents. His original class was really lovely but only 4 of them were ready for the exam so they moved up with the next grade while the rest waited another year to do it. The girls in the new class were horrible to him. Some of the parents made awful comments about boys doing ballet in his earshot too.

If you're willing to do it for your dd, you should be willing to do it for your ds. It doesn't matter what the activity is.

20 minutes away? Yes, let him go to the boys' dance school. He will thrive there. The local one will probably be almost entirely girls, and the teacher may not have as much experience in teaching boys since they are so few and far between.

The other issue with the nearest one isn't the girls in the class (most dancing girls are extremely supportive of the boys), it will be that gossip about him going to ballet is bound to make it back to his academic school and sadly, his mates and the other children may well give him a hard time about it.

Hmmm - tricky. I think given that it is not as common an activity for boys to choose to take up, I'd respect his wishes and accommodate driving him to the class of his choice if you are able to.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Really? That sounds quite childish. As a parent I go out of my way to build my children's confidence by encouraging and facilitating activities that I think will be good for them. I don't play mind games with them. children don't always say rational things but as the parent and adult you don't retaliate that way.