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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kicking her out for a tattoo

447 replies

Potterhead113 · 15/10/2017 15:16

My friend is 19 and at uni, she recently got a tattoo to cover up self harm scars on her leg. It is very well done and tasteful and paid for half by her student loan and half by her own savings from work. Her parents have no refused to help her financially (her loan doesn't fully cover rent as they earn too much) her rent is now due and she cannot pay and the uni bursary won't give her any loans because her parents have money and she's looking at being kicked out with no where to live. They said she looks awful and they hate it and will only pay for her if she gets laser which she will have to pay for herself.

ATBU in this situation by not paying her or is it fine seeing as she is 19 and they have no real responsibility over her?

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:13

Ophelia yes it's definitely flawed. I don't agree with the system at all I think all dc should be entitled to the maximum loan.
However this is the system so parents need to pay up.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:14

It's not parents who can't pay though Ophelia it's parents who won'tpay. It is means tested. Parents should have factored in supporting their dc at uni when buying a house etc.

whiteroseredrose · 15/10/2017 19:25

It's going to be a struggle to support DC through Uni. Both know our feelings about tattoos and (see another thread) potentially career limiting.

I'd be furious if our money was spent on that.

Both DC know that tattoos or facial piercings mean that their share of inheritance goes to charity.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:30

But it was the friends loan that was spent on the tatoo. Not the parents money.

OpheIiaBaIIs · 15/10/2017 19:32

However this is the system so parents need to pay up

But what if they can't?

Parents should have factored in supporting their dc at uni when buying a house etc

Circumstances change. Long term sickness, relationship breakdown... How can anyone foresee how they'll be financially in 20 years' time?

Do you also agree that parents should support their children financially, including keeping a roof over their heads, until they're 25, in line with rulings on benefits?

ginteresting · 15/10/2017 19:34

Whiteroseredrose- genuine not goady question- why do they lose their inheritance if they don't live by your life choices? I can understand giving inheritance to charity tbh, so they learn to live within their own means and make their own life. But why with those particular stipulations?. I'm not fond of tattoos either but that's my choice

Headofthehive55 · 15/10/2017 19:36

People can't always plan for the future though. Becoming ill, becoming unemployed and having big bills to get you on your feet again, I am uninsurable.

Headofthehive55 · 15/10/2017 19:36

People can't always plan for the future though. Becoming ill, becoming unemployed and having big bills to get you on your feet again, I am uninsurable.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:37

Yes circumstances change so if they new income is low then their dc will receive the full loan.
If mortgage payments are now unaffordable then move house.

ProseccoPoppy · 15/10/2017 19:37

Parents should have factored in supporting their dc at uni when buying a house etc

Errm... but when said (hypothetical) parents bought the house the rules on student loans/burseries were probably different... they have changed dramatically over just the last 10 or 15 years. People are not clairvoyant.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:38

Head if you were unemployed your dc would receive a full loan so it's a moot point.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:39

Prosecco no 15 years ago loans/grants were still dependant on student income. They were 30 years ago.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/10/2017 19:40

*Parents income.

ProseccoPoppy · 15/10/2017 19:41

Grants absolutely were but loans were not. Not when I went up 10 years ago.

Redglitter · 15/10/2017 19:45

I don't believe for a minute a tattoo of that size cost £120. Are her parents perhaps reacting to the true cost of it?

fc301 · 15/10/2017 19:57

Her parents are utter cunts.
Given that they are prepared to use money as a means of control to the point of making her homeless I would bet the self harming was very much about control (or lack of it).
They are also massive hypocrites as they are attempting to coerce her to ‘laser’ her body. But what she chose to do to her own body with her own money is not OK?
She needs to separate from these people for her own wellbeing. She will need professional help to do it. Also the book Toxic Parents is very good. And direct her to the Stately Homes thread on the Relationships board here on MN. She will be welcomed with open arms there.
I’m so sorry that her parents are not what she deserves 💐

Opheliasgoldenwine · 15/10/2017 19:57

@BlueSuffragette

I’m not sure if anyone answered your question but I couldn’t go because of that reason. You’d have to save a lot from a job beforehand, and I was only allowed to work four hours a week due to exams so had no way of paying it.

Original poster
Potterhead113 · 15/10/2017 20:00

redglitter please read full thread, the tattoo cost was halved by the tattoo artist because it was to cover self harm scars. A lot of places do this as a charity act.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 15/10/2017 20:01

Her parents are cunts and you don't have to look far to see that there's a lot of it about.

Ta1kinPeece · 15/10/2017 20:02

Potter
I do accounts for tattooists.
I do not believe that she paid only £120
sorry but I suspect it was a LOT LOT more
and will be part of why her parents are so angry

Headofthehive55 · 15/10/2017 20:04

The calculation goes on the parents income the year before - my lack of earning only show up in the calculation next year.

whiteroseredrose · 15/10/2017 20:06

ginteresting. (good name). Mainly to wind DD up! Originally said her share would go to her brother which made her even more furious Grin.

In reality we've had discussions about doing daft things when young. Tattoos are fashionable at the moment in the same way that big hair and new romantic clothes were when I was at uni in the 80s. Problem is tattoos are permanent so when things move on you're stuck with them. I'm not stuck with a beehive and ra-ra skirt but I would be with a tattoo. I'd be very disappointed that she was so short sighted.

Original poster
Potterhead113 · 15/10/2017 20:09

ta1kin it was £120 it is on her bank statement. Sorry but you don't know the cost of every tattoo in the country. The tattoos normal cost would have been £240 which is a lot more. Please do not comment on a situation you know nothing about.

OP posts:
CamperVamp · 15/10/2017 20:10

Poor girl.

It is hard to think of parents who hate tattoos more than they love their own daughter.

I really hope she can get emergency recourse to the additional loan, because her time at Uni might be much better if she is not beholden to toxic, controlling parents.

Headofthehive55 · 15/10/2017 20:11

You can't always move house either - no suitable local houses (are you suggesting I move my other chikdren in exam years? )
I cannot extend the mortgage - although you can plan to an extent - no one foresees the catastrophic effect of sudden illness.

I don't think higher education at 18 is compulsory, and shouldn't be taken as read that parents contribute. If the student self supported a few years, this wouldn't be an issue.

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